Darkness

Leaving

Things had been quiet in Camelot for a year now. Arthur and Gwen were still in their honeymoon stage having been married for most of that year. Merlin, as well as the Knights, were all ready for this stage to pass. Merlin was ecstatic that his two best friends were so happy and in love. He himself had found, if not love, then a decent distraction, with Gwaine. They kept it relaxed, not showing open affection around the others. When they would come back from a hunt or a patrol and Arthur would disappear with Gwen, Merlin and Gwaine would disappear as well. Merlin was determined not to waste any time. Arthur still didn't know about his magic. He could never find the right time to talk about his secret. His magic. Gwaine knew. He'd told the Knight their first night together since his magic had a tendency to react to his emotions. Of course that had only encouraged Gwaine to further antics. Merlin would just roll his eyes or laugh at the suggestions. Sometimes, very rarely, Merlin would cave and perform some small magic in public which would inevitably end with one of them pressed up against a wall hiding in an alcove. They'd only been nearly caught once or twice. Arthur still didn't know about them, mostly because Merlin controlled the gossip that made it to the royals. The maids didn't gossip with Gwen once she was crowned Queen. If Gwaine had pulled Merlin into a spare guest room and another servant walked in, they simply made some other arrangement, covering a chore or errand, to keep it under wraps.

They had grown a little careless in the past month, so when Merlin told the King he needed to visit his mother for a while, he hadn't entirely lied. He loved the moments with Gwaine, but the Knight was falling for him. Not that he minded, but he wasn't wanting any kind of serious relationship. He didn't feel like he had the capacity to juggle that with his destiny to protect Arthur. Merlin did plan to go see his mother, but he also planned to seek out information on Morgana. He knew she had escaped after her last attempt at taking over Camelot, but he didn't know what her next move would be. And that worried him. The day before he left, he'd collected herbs for Gaius to ensure he was stocked, set out a romantic meal for the King and Queen along with wine and plenty of candles, and gone to see his lover. They enjoyed their own meal together and had some ale before their clothes littered the floor of the Knight's chambers. Merlin combed his hands through the long soft brown locks that splayed across the pillows. Gwaine gently traced shapes on Merlin's bare back with his fingers.

"When do you leave?" Gwaine whispered into Merlin's tousled hair.

"First light." Merlin mumbled against Gwaine's shoulder.

"Mmm. Wish I could come along."

"I know. But you have patrols and duties to the King."

"So do you. Your's is perhaps the most important one, though he doesn't know it." Gwaine paused for a moment. "You should tell him. Soon." Merlin sighed. They'd had this conversation before.

"I know." Merlin twirled a strand of hair at the base of Gwaine's neck. "I'll tell him when I get back. That should give my mother time to prepare for anything should I need to flee in a hurry."

"Merlin. You don't believe that Arthur would turn on you, do you?" Gwaine shifted to try and look Merlin in the eyes.

"I don't really know. He's seen so much bad done with magic, how can I expect him to overlook all of that?" Merlin had sat up on his elbows to meet Gwaine's gaze. "I know he has doubts about the evils of magic, but, what if this, me having magic, is too much? What if he turns against it for good because of all this time I've not been truthful with him? Before I could say I hadn't told him because of his father and the fear of execution, but since he's become King? He'll be angry."

"Maybe. I, uh, I can be there. With you. When you tell him, if you want." Gwaine was nervous. Merlin smiled at him.

"I might take you up on that." Merlin kissed Gwaine then. Pressing his body against the other man, hearing a soft moan from Gwaine only encouraged Merlin. When Gwaine was finally asleep, Merlin carefully extracted himself and dressed. He left his neckerchief, his red one, on the table with a rose setting on top that he had magicked. With one last look at his lover, he left and headed back to his room to grab what he would need for the journey. Gaius was asleep, so Merlin made sure to be quiet as he went to grab his things. He had left a letter for Gaius, not that he needed to, but more to explain what he planned to do and in case something went wrong and he would need to explain his absence. Merlin had made a point to be absent as often as possible to avoid Gaius' questions. Gaius had assumed it was spending time with his Knight and giving the King and new Queen time together, and Merlin knew he couldn't lie to his mentor; his guardian. He hadn't wanted to give Gaius the chance to talk him out of it. He planned to wait until dawn, but crept back out of the room with his supplies and headed up to the battlements to watch the sun rise. He liked how peaceful it was before the citadel was bustling to life. He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone bumped his shoulder.

"What are you doing up this early?" Arthur asked, smiling at how he startled his friend.

"Me? What are you doing up?" Merlin deflected, hoping Arthur hadn't noticed.

"I'm the King, Merlin. Though you seem to keep forgetting. I don't have to answer that." Arthur paused. "It's been almost a year. A year next week, actually, since Morgana's attack. I can't help but wonder if she's planning something even now. You still didn't answer my question." Merlin sighed. He knew Arthur wouldn't be deterred.

"Just...thinking. I, er, I have some things to discuss with you, but I'd like to wait until I get back. I was hoping being out here might help me figure out the best way to go about it." Merlin kept his gaze on the night sky that had started to lighten ever so slightly. Arthur cocked an eyebrow at him. Merlin swallowed, throat feeling dry all of a sudden.

"Merlin, you can talk to me about anything, I thought you'd know that."

"I do know that. It's just...it's something about me. It's a secret I have, that I'm not sure how to talk about. I trust you, Arthur. But, it's been something that I had been taught to keep guarded all my life. Lancelot knew. And...it was nice, having someone to share with. But when he..." Merlin had to clear his throat. "When he went through the veil I was alone again." Arthur kept quiet listening.

"Merlin, there's nothing you can say that could change my view of you. You must know this? You're, well you're like the little brother I never wanted." Arthur said, nudging Merlin's shoulder. Merlin chuckled. "If it's something that you're that worried about me reacting badly to, you can always tell me before you leave. That'll give me time to come to terms with whatever it is before you get back. Or you could write it in a letter and I can just wait to read it until you leave. There should be no secrets between us, Merlin. I don't believe that whatever your secret is, that you would ever endanger me or Camelot." Arthur looked at Merlin, hoping his words sunk in. Merlin's gaze shifted to his feet. He took a deep breath, debating on if he could say it now or not. He nodded.

"I prepared a letter already actually. I wasn't sure if I could get through it all telling you anyway. You have to promise that you'll wait until I've gone to read it." Merlin said as he retrieved a sealed parchment from his pack. He'd written it when he planned on making this trip in case he hadn't returned. It detailed his magic, some of what he had done, and how he wished he could be there to help him create the golden age that the Druids had prophesied. As Arthur took the letter, he caught Merlin's eyes.

"You have my word that I'll wait to read it. When you see your mother, tell her it would be nice to see her again. She should visit Camelot sometime." Arthur said, not taking his eyes off the letter.

"I'll tell her. I better go. I have a lot of ground to cover if I'm meant to be back before the end of the week." Merlin said. Arthur stopped him, reaching out and grasping his forearm. They didn't say anything. They didn't need to. When they released, Arthur stayed where he was and watched as Merlin made his way through the courtyard to the stables, and then rode out through the gates. Arthur had wanted to send a few Knights along for protection, but Merlin had threatened to leave without telling him if that happened, so Arthur had relented. The sun was up now, and Merlin had long since disappeared into the trees. Merlin had asked him to wait until he was gone to read it, but he hadn't said how long to wait. Arthur was certain it had to do with Merlin having magic, he wasn't a complete idiot. Merlin was always with them when they seemed to have the best luck with bandit attacks or whenever Arthur had been knocked out and had to rely on Merlin to tell him what happened. He'd only put it together when Morgana had been driven out of Camelot with the Saxons she employed a year ago. She had seemed so surprised that her spell had not worked when they had come into the throne room. Merlin had been trying not to laugh.

Arthur cracked the seal on the letter and opened it up. What he had not been expecting, was Merlin describing being born with magic, how it made him different from almost all other practitioners of magic, and then everything he had used his magic for since coming to Camelot. Arthur couldn't believe it. He had gone through so much and had no one to talk about it with. The one thing Arthur was glad for, was that he had already been working with Gwen to try and amend the laws and unjust capital punishment for those even suspected of having magic or being related to someone who had magic. Gwen wasn't necessarily fond of the idea of magic, but she wasn't opposed to it either. His councilors were mostly in agreement, they just needed to hash out some finer details before he could send out any proclamations. Folding the pages back together, he stayed there, watching the city come to life as the sun continued it's rise.