Darkness

Nightmares and visions

Merlin was trapped in his mind. He'd collapsed after seeing he'd made it home and was vaguely aware that all of his friends, his family, had come through and spoken to him while he was unconscious. But when the light failed, and the room was dark, he was back in that place. In that prison. He was fighting to keep from being put back in there. He wouldn't go back. Not ever. When the light flared up around him again, and he felt strong arms around him, he relaxed. Gwaine. If he was with Gwaine, everything would be alright. He passed in to dreams again. Or thought he had. But he was in the woods where he'd escaped the prison standing with Morgana.

Morgana?

Merlin.

Why...how am I here?

I...I'm not sure. I was thinking of you when I fell asleep. Morgana looked thoughtful, but would not meet Merlin's eyes.

Where did you go?

Come now, Merlin. We both know I'm not going to give that away.

True. Merlin reached up then and caressed her cheek with a finger. He cared for her. And he could see she cared for him. She leaned in to the touch.

Merlin. I need to know you are safe.

I am. I'm back in Camelot. Though I cannot wake.

Good. Merlin sensed tension and unease in Morgana. He tilted his head trying to get her to look at him.

Something's wrong. What aren't you telling me?

You...I... she stammered, looking unsure of herself. I'm sending you something in a few months. I'll be sending it to the castle. You'll know what to do. Just know, this changes nothing between us. We had love when we were younger, but what we had in the darkness...it was momentary. I will not be deterred from my path. This will not end until either I rule Camelot or we face each other in battle. Either I will prevail, and Camelot will fall, or you will have to kill me.

Morgana. It doesn't have to be this way. We can change our destiny.

You're wrong, Merlin. There is no changing destiny. 

We could try. You could...come back. To Camelot...

No Merlin. I could not. Her shoulders straightened as she stepped away from him, finally looking him in the eyes. Until then... She came forward and pressed her body to Merlin's, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling her hands through his long dark tresses. Merlin's body reacted to their closeness. He placed his hands on her waist and leaned the side of his face against hers. Their hands roamed over clothes, their breathing getting more ragged. This was a dream, and not reality, and so their clothing fell away like it was an illusion. They lay on the forest floor together. Morgana clutched at Merlin's arms, pulling him close against her. She pulled his hair, tilting his head back, placing her head in the crook of his neck. Merlin was unable to keep the moan from escaping his lips, and Morgana made a similar noise. Their bodies dripped with sweat by the time they both let out a yell. They sat there together after. Morgana still in Merlin's lap, arms around his neck, legs wrapped around his waist, holding him close to her. Merlin felt as though she was afraid to let go. So he kept his arms wrapped around her waist, running a hand through her long dark hair. Their heads were still leaned together, just breathing each other in. After a time they simply lay on the ground looking at each other.

Do you think...if things had been different... Merlin trailed off not wanting to finish the thought, knowing no good could come of it. But he wondered. They had grown close being trapped together for so long. They had shared trauma. It was something.

No, Merlin. It would not due to think on what could have been. She touched his face, trailing her finger along his jaw. Oh, Merlin. How could things have gone so terribly wrong. Merlin could see something in her eyes. It almost looked like love. If not love, then deep affection. I have nothing but darkness left in me.

It doesn't have to be this way. We can make a better way. Together.

Goodbye Merlin. I think we won't be seeing each other again for some time. I hope when you think of me, you think fondly. She gave him a small smile, and, for a fleeting moment, Merlin saw the Morgana he had met many years back. And then she was gone, and he was alone.

As soon as she was gone, his mind was plunged in to darkness again. He couldn't see, couldn't wake himself. He was trapped in the dark, chained to a wall, unable to move. He struggled at his bonds, unsure of how he even ended up here again. His chest became tight and his heart raced. He pulled hard on his bonds trying to push his panic back down. It's just a bad dream. You escaped, both of you did. This isn't real. He reached for his magic, but couldn't feel it. He couldn't sense it. No! No! This isn't real!! He was shaking. No, someone was shaking him. They kept saying his name, but he couldn't reach them. He felt a small pain on his hand and his eyes flew open. He was struggling against blankets and backed up to a sitting position against the headboard. His eyes were flicking all over the room, but it was giving him a headache, all the colors and lights. He put his hands over his eyes trying to block some of it out.

"Merlin! Merlin, you're alright. Breathe, ok. Breathe." When Merlin realized he hadn't been breathing, he took several deep breaths trying to calm his heart.

"It's too...bright. There's too much light and color. It hurts." Merlin pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes.

"Here, try this Merlin." Gaius said softly. He placed a blindfold on Merlin's eyes and tied it behind his head. Merlin heaved a sigh of relief. Gaius placed a small vial in Merlin's hand of a pain reliever. Merlin drank it and then relaxed some more.

"Thanks for that." He said softly. "Er, how long was I asleep?" He asked hesitatingly.

"A few days." Gwaine answered. Merlin felt his heart ache at the sound of the voice and reached out to find the owner. When a hand guided him to a face, Merlin couldn't stop the sound that escaped him. It was partly a sob and partly a laugh. Merlin put both of his hands on either side of Gwaine's face and pulled him in close so their foreheads were touching.

"You're real?" Merlin whispered.

"I am." Merlin choked out another sob and put his head down on Gwaine's shoulder then, and hugged him tightly. Gwaine put his arms around Merlin and brushed a hand down Merlin's hair soothingly. It took several moments for Merlin to get his emotions under control. But he finally was able to calm himself.

"You're real." Merlin whispered to himself. "We got out."

"We?" A voice he'd know anywhere came from across the room.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked.

"Merlin." Arthur responded, from what sounded like the end of the bed to Merlin.

"I made it then? To Camelot? That wasn't a dream?"

"No Merlin. Or if it was, you somehow trapped us all in the same one. Though that's doubtful. Are you going to answer my question?" There was a lot of emotion in Arthur's voice. Merlin couldn't see him but he could hear concern and irritation in equal measures. This made him smile. He'd really gotten out.

"Erm. Well, do you want me to start at the beginning, or just answer the question?" Merlin responded.

"Wonderful. Another lengthy tale I take it?" Arthur asked, and Merlin gave a short nod. Arthur let out a long exhale. "Very well. We can eat and you can talk. If you get too tired at any point, we can take a break and pick it back up later." Arthur assured him.

"Ok." Merlin said. Gwaine led him over to the table and helped him to sit, as he'd nearly collapsed to the floor when he tried to stand from the bed. He took a deep breath and settled in prepared to explain as much as he could.