The Prices I Pay ((MIKE ZACHARIAS X ERWIN SMITH X OC))

Chapter 13

By midday, Silica had managed to tuck herself away within HQ's archive with Amelia and Peter while Nora ran errands in town. She had been intently busying herself with Erwin's — as well as Elite Advancement's — work reports, and would occasionally tune in to Amelia and Peter's conversation as they played with stuffed dolls on the floor. It was a relatively calm afternoon, and Silica wasn't bothered until she could feel a set of eyes on her from the base of the stairs.

She looked up with a semipermanent scowl on her face to see a woman standing there. She was blonde with an undercut, and appeared to be two or three years older than her. The look on her face was a nervous one, and her presence made a sick feeling settle in the pit of Silica's stomach.

"Amelia," Silica said without severing the eye contact she held with the woman before her. "Take Peter and find Brutus. I'll meet up with you later."

"Mama?" Amelia's tone was questioning, but she motioned for Peter to stand with her anyway.

"Do as I say." Silica sounded stern this time, and Amelia silently scurried out of the archive with Peter close behind.

Silica leaned back in her seat with one leg crossing over the other, and the scowl she wore only hardened the longer this woman neglected to say anything.

"I'm gonna go off on a limb and say you're Nanaba," Silica guessed. The way her shoulders tensed proved that Silica was correct. "You better have a damn good reason for being here."

"I-I..." she swallowed hard and forced herself to look Silica in the eye. "I never meant to cause any harm. He —"

"I've grown tired of hearing excuses," Silica rolled her eyes. "You fucked him knowing damn well that he was engaged. That makes you a whore. Maybe you should have thought about how that would make you feel after someone caught you two before you decided to screw around with someone's fiancé."

As she spoke, Silica stood from her seat whilst collecting her work material up into her arms.

"S-Silica —"

As she walked passed Nanaba, she made a move in an attempt to grab Silica's shoulder. The action made Silica stop dead in her tracks, and she moved in so close to Nanaba's face that she could hear her breath hitch in her lungs.

"What did you come here to do? Apologize? Beg me to take his sorry ass back?" Her words were mean and hard. "Well then tough shit. Maybe he should have thought about how fucking miserable he would have been before he proposed. I hope you both rot."

She sweetened her sentiment with spitting in Nanaba's face, and turned her back on her as she left the archive without another word. She could feel her blood boiling as hot as it did that morning, and stormed through the building until reaching Erwin's office.

She slammed the doors open without knocking, and Erwin jumped from his seat at his desk as she entered.

"I take it the heart to heart with Mike didn't go well?" He guessed as she flopped the folder of his completed reports on his desk.

"He can eat shit," Silica spat as she paced the floor with her arms crossed. "And that stupid stupid woman thought it'd be a good idea to try and make amends. Who the hell does that?"

"Perhaps you need a distraction." Erwin said as he watched her tug at her hair with one hand.

"I just want shit to work out at least once in my life," Silica muttered, again fighting her frustrated tears. "With something — anything."

When Silica ceased her pacing to cover her face, Erwin finally took it upon himself to stand. He approached her slowly with gentle hands, and pulled her tense body into a tight hug. He felt her shake against him as she did her best to reign in her sporadic emotions, and brushed his fingers through her dark hair in silence. Despite the fact that his anger toward Mike was nearing its broiling point, he knew that the last thing Silica needed was to see him lose his temper.

"I can tell you one thing that's worked out," Erwin finally decided to say. He heard Silica sniffle. "Your parenting. You are an amazing mother."

She scoffed. "I keep exposing my daughter to these men. I'm no better than my mother."

"Don't say that," Erwin scolded gently whilst taking her by the shoulders. He angled her chin back to make her look at him. "You fought like hell to get Amelia back, and couldn't have known about what Mike did, and I know that you're only going to get better and wiser when the baby is born."

"You have way too much faith in me." Silica huffed as she used the ball of her hand to wipe her tears away.

"You've given me no reason not to," Erwin smiled warmly. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"How could I give myself any credit when I've left my unborn child fatherless?" Silica let out a sob. Erwin pulled her back into him. "Both of my kids d-don't have their dads. I killed Patrick right in f-front of A-Ama —"

"Shh," Erwin urged. Silica held onto him like her life depended on it. "You did what you had to to protect her. Mike will still be around... I know you'll be able to work things out."

"I-I just don't want to be l-like my parents," she confessed, and the brokenness of her voice made Erwin's chest ache. "B-but that's all I s-seem to be doing."

"You are nothing like your parents," Erwin justified sternly. "You didn't abandon your children. You shield them from danger whereas they left you to brave this world on your own."

He took her by the cheeks again to look her in the eye.

"You have a beautiful soul and a heart of gold," Erwin continued, hoping with everything he had that she believed him. "You do every and anything you can to help others, even if you don't always show how much you care. I know it's hard, and it'll be hard for a while, but you'll always have me by your side. Levi, your squad. You're not alone anymore, and I need you to remember that."

Silica's bottom lip trembled at his words, and she damned her pregnancy hormones for making her so emotional. The swelling in her chest was almost overwhelming.

"Wh-why..." she could barely get the words out between her sobs, and instead of pressing her for it, Erwin settled with guiding her to the sofa and sitting down with her.

"Come here," he motioned that she lay her head on his shoulder with his arms open, and when she gave him a questioning look, he smiled. "You need comfort, Silica. That's what I'm here for."

Finding little to argue with, Silica slowly did as he advised and rested her head on his shoulder with her legs kicked onto his lap.

"You'll be okay," Erwin promised in a whisper. Silica closed her burning eyes. "Everything will work itself out."

"Why...?" She mumbled hoarsely. "Cuz you'll handle it like you always do?"

Erwin laughed gently. "Of course... I'll always be here."

"You used to hate me." She pointed out quietly.

"And you used to hate me." He said whilst tightening his grip on her.

"What changed?"

"I got to know you."

His answer made Silica smile, and she released a tension-breaking sigh as she finally settled into his side comfortably.

"Thank you, Erwin..." she whispered. "For everything."