The Prices I Pay ((MIKE ZACHARIAS X ERWIN SMITH X OC))

Chapter 23

Several days had passed since Silica's conversation with Levi, and she found herself laying wide awake in bed with Kenny Ackerman still fresh in her mind.

The house was eerily quiet as she laid there, and her fingers tapped rhythmically as she stared at the ceiling. She wondered what exactly her alleged father looked like. How his voice sounded. How similar would they look if and when they met? So many thoughts ricocheted in her head, but she knew better than to set her standards for him too high.

Silica huffed as she sat up, eyes trained on the bedroom door ahead of her. Lucas laid sleeping soundly in the bassinet beside her bed, and after pulling his blanket closer to his chin, she got to her feet and soundlessly wandered into the hall.

She made a beeline toward the bookshelf in the den and pulled out the book in which she had hidden Kenny's address. She opened it slowly and sifted through the pages until finding it, and sighed quietly as she stared at the small square of paper in front of her.

The curiosity of who her father could be ate away at her since the moment she learned his name, but the fear of inevitable disappointment kept her away. She knew well that Kenny couldn't be a good person, and the very little information she had on him did little to make her reconsider. With all that she's had to deal with in the passed months, she didn't know if she could handle any more heart break.

Silica sighed for the umpteenth time that night before sliding the book back into its place on the shelf, and instead of venturing back upstairs, Silica settled for a seat on the couch with her eyes trained on the window across the room. Through the crack in the curtains she could make out the sun beginning to rise over the Wall, and so she found it pointless to make another fruitless attempt at sleeping.

She chewed thoughtfully on her lip as she sat there, and knew well that her thoughts of Kenny would not subside until she satisfied her curiosity.

"Silica," the sound of Erwin's voice made Silica jump, and as she turned, she saw that he was standing at the base of the stairs. "What're you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep." She confessed with a weak smile. Erwin offered her a perplexed look as he approached her.

"What's on your mind?" He asked softly, taking one of her hands as he sat on the coffee table across from her. She sighed.

"The conversation I had with Levi the other day..." Silica trailed off and looked away from Erwin's face in favor of the window across the room.

"About Kenny Ackerman?" Erwin guessed and she nodded slowly. "Are you having second thoughts in regards to reaching out to him?"

"You could say that," she shrugged limply. "I just don't know what to expect."

"You know there's only one way to find out the answers to all the questions you're asking yourself." Erwin said knowingly. Silica sighed again.

"I'm just an open book to you, aren't I?" Her question made Erwin smile as he placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles.

"I suppose," he replied quietly. "Makes it that much easier to make sure you're alright. Tell me what you'd like to do and we'll do it."

"That's the thing," Silica replied halfheartedly. "I don't know what I want to do. Part of me wishes Agnis never told me where he was to begin with."

"That is understandable," Erwin nodded slowly as he looked at her. "But whatever you do decide, know that I will be with you every step of the way."

Erwin's sentiment helped Silica to smile, and she didn't resist him as he pulled her to her feet.

"Come," he said softly. "We still have some time before Nora and Peter arrive. We can discuss this more later."

Silica silently obliged as he led her back up the stairs, and she did her best to suppress her father to the very back of her mind.

__________

Silica spent the majority of that day filing reports for Elite Advancement. She worked at a languid pace, mind racing with all of her options on how to go about her current haphazard situation. She continued to find herself wishing for even a moment of peace, and knew well that she would never get to that point if she didn't get the closure she needed from her absentee father.

It was late into the evening when she finally finished her work, and she traveled across the courtyard of HQ toward the dorms. There was a chill in the air that added an extra pep to her step, and a shiver went down her spine as she entered the building. She made her way upstairs and knocked thrice upon the door she had been searching for, and once she had, Brutus was quick to answer it.

"Cap?" He seemed surprised to see her. "What're you doing here so late?"

"Are you busy?" She answered with a question as Brutus stepped out of the way to let her into the room. She quickly stepped inside.

"Uh, no," Brutus replied as he shut the door. "Is everything okay?"

She turned to face him with her arms crossed over her chest. "I need your help."

Brutus didn't bother masking his questioning look, and motioned that Silica sit down as he lowered himself to sit on the edge of his bed. She obliged.

"When we went to Mitras to interrogate Agnis Pixis," Silica began as she pulled a folded piece of paper out of her breast pocket. "She gave me the address of my alleged father."

"Seriously?" Brutus gaped as she handed him the now open sheet. He skimmed it briefly before meeting her eyes again. "What're we going to do?"

"Not we," Silica corrected. "You."

"You're not gonna ask me to stalk him, are you?" Brutus guessed, withering slightly at the thought.

"Not stalk," Silica shook her head at him. "Just... watch. I want to get an idea of what this guy is like before I decide to seek him out myself."

"So you're sending your little lap dog to go sniff him out for you?" He pursed his lips at her.

"Don't be so dramatic," Silica rolled her eyes. "Take this as you paying me back for saving your life."

"You're gonna use that indefinitely for everything now, aren't you?" Brutus plopped down on his mattress exasperatedly.

"If it'll get you to do what I want," Silica spoke as she stood. "Then yes."

"Figures," Brutus groaned as he scowled up at her. "Fine. When and for how long?"

"Tomorrow," Silica replied quickly. "Just for the day."

"Alright," Brutus caved to her request with a groan. Silica humored him with a scoff as he sat up on his elbows. "Is there a reason you won't go after him yourself, or are you just too chicken?"

Silica answered with a swift kick to his shin, to which he yelped at. "I'm not 'too chicken', I just don't want to waste my time if he turns out to be mediocre."

"Okay, okay, fair." Brutus agreed with clenched teeth as he rubbed out his sore leg.

"See you tomorrow," Silica said as she made way toward the door. She offered him a curt glance over her shoulder before stepping into the hall. "And try not to be too obvious."