Breathe

Home

Sara got off the couch and walked towards the foyer as soon as Thea’s and Laurel’s voices took on a slightly panicked edge on top of the worried ones from just a minute ago. There was no explanation needed. One look at the man with his back to the front door was all it took for her to understand the situation she walked into. Oliver was standing just inside the apartment. He was looking pale; his hands were shaking at his sides, and he seemed to have trouble breathing. It took her all of a second to realize that Oliver was having a panic attack, and she forced herself to stay calm and slowly walk towards him instead of rushing to him as every fiber of her being was urging her to.

“Ollie what is it?” she pitched her voice low, soothing and calm, not betraying her worry for him.

There was no need to agitate him further. He was already struggling to breathe, and she could clearly make out the quick pounding of his heart under his shirt.

She slowly moved her hands towards his face, to ensure that he had plenty of time to stop her if he didn’t want to be touched in his current state. She knew from experience, hers and his, that whether or not human contact was helping, depended on the reason for the panic attack. This would be easier if she knew what had warranted his current state. She didn’t know enough of his current life to guess the reason for the panic attack and hoped that Oliver would shed some light on it by either telling her or subconsciously giving her a hint.

He didn’t move away as she advanced, and his eyes focused on her face. She finally put her hands on his cheeks and slowly moved them down his face and neck.

“Ollie breathe, you need to breathe.”

His eyes closed the moment her hands made contact with his skin and his whole body seemed to relax while he first released the breath he had been holding just to take a deep breath shortly after. The next thing she knew was being enfolded in his strong arms while he was holding her in a crushing grip, whispering her name over and over again, like a prayer.

Something in her chest seemed to shift, and a calmness overcame her the moment his arms wrapped around her. It took her only seconds to return his embrace just as fiercely. She felt like she could really breathe for the first time since her return. And the desperate need to take that had been there from the moment she came out of the pit seemed to quieten down to a small simmer that she barely registered.

All that mattered was the man who had his strong arms wrapped around her, holding her in a tight embrace. She clung to him desperately, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. She knew that she was only a hairsbreadth away from falling apart.

Everything was just too much.

The last couple of days, the memories of the things she had done. Her sister, her father and Thea… she had missed him so much during this time. Wished he was there with her while dealing with her family. Longed for his quiet understanding, comfort and support.

Oliver had always been there for her and stood by her side when she needed him, and god, did she need him now. More than ever. She was so grateful that he was here now because she would’ve never asked him to come. Not after everything he’s already done for her. He had enough going on already, according to Laurel and Thea, without her adding to it. She didn’t want to burden him. But he came. He was here now. Holding her the way she had yearned for.

She was so focused on the feelings Oliver invoked in her and breathing in his scent to ground herself that it took her a moment to notice the wetness that she felt on her head. And another one to realize that what she felt were tears, Oliver’s tears.

“Ollie…” She barely managed to choke out his name before the dam broke and she shattered into a million pieces. Pieces she had tried so hard to keep together the last couple of days. For Laurel and her dad, who were so happy to have her back. And for Thea, who was shouldering the blame for something that wasn’t her fault (just like her big brother. Such a Queen thing to do).

She had needed to stay strong for them, but not anymore. Because she was finally home in Oliver’s arms and she knew that it was okay to fall apart. Because he would catch her. He’d always catch her.

No matter what.

He’d try to hold the shattered pieces of her broken being together. Do his best to mend her broken soul. Though she didn’t think it was possible this time.

Not with the demons screaming underneath her skin.

Her soul had been ripped from her and torn to shreds the Lazarus Pit was still clinging to. Pulling at the invisible strings that connected her with the dark waters that brought her back to life, that were the home of the demons screaming inside her head. But still she knew that he would understand. He had his own demons that he was battling every day. It was not the same, but still he understood what it meant to have a monster inside one's skin. 

Only he could. No one else.

He was her rock, her sanctuary. Her save haven. Home, she was finally home.