Breathe

Paralyzed

Sara desperately tried to hold on to the comforting oblivion of an unusually dreamless sleep and struggled against waking up. She could slowly feel herself lose the battle as awareness was pushing at the edge of her mind.

 

The first thing her semi-conscious mind noticed was that she couldn’t move. She was pinned against a firm chest, trapped by a pair of strong arms that were tightly wrapped around her, making her feel as if she were being squeezed to death by a python. Her eyes sprang open, and her whole body tensed when the panic set in. She was suddenly back on the Freighter being dragged out of her cell by the pirates, Anthony,  Hendrick slamming her to the floor choking her, washed ashore of Lian Yu Ivo’s former men and prisoners making sure she knew just what they thought of her “Ivo’s little bouzin“, members of the league teaching her a lesson,… hands all over her body, holding, pushing, hurting, hurting, taking what was not theirs to take… she frightfully gasped for air. 

 

Just to calm down after the first couple of breaths. Her body slowly relaxing as the familiar smell of home registered in her mind.

 

The muscular arms and solid chest no longer felt threatening but reassuring and dear to her. Her eyes fell closed again in relief and her arms, that had tensed in preparation to push at and hit the presumed threat, loosened up just to hold on to the broad shoulders and neck a little tighter. Pulling herself closer. 

 

Ollie.

 

She was with Ollie. She was safe.

 

Sara nestled her head between his neck and shoulder, breathing in his unique scent while her frantic heartbeat slowed down to its normal, steady rhythm. She burrowed into him, trying to get even closer, albeit it being impossible, his hold on her was so tight that there was no space left between them, but she still tried to snuggle closer, to somehow get absorbed by his body. Trying desperately to make the world and her new reality disappear.

 

She wasn’t ready yet to face the truth. The truth that she had now truly become a monster. A monster with an unquenching thirst for blood. She recalled how much better and calmer she had felt after giving in to the blood lust and killing mercilessly. Not that she had been given any other choice as to surrender to the voices of the demons in her mind and do their bidding as they whispered to take, take, take. Take the life she was holding in her lethal hands. Let the violence take over, relinquish the little control she had over her blood lust and actions and to just ride the unbelievable high that came with the brutality with which she had committed the murder and every additional, unnecessary drop of blood she had spilled just increased the exhilaration.

 

She was scared, more scared than she remembered ever being. She had no control over her body once the red haze and twisted darkness in her took over. No way of restraining herself, of stopping before an attack became a kill with the relive that the blood-smeared hands brought, at least until the haze cleared and reality set back in, bringing with it the utter horror of what she had done.