Something Like Fall

Chapter II- October 2015 (part II)

After turning back from the church to the flat I noticed my mother and her boyfriend during their visit to us. Mama noticed this black hole burn in the tablecloth in my room. BUSTED! Without any preaches, she asked me who had been smoking in my room. I told her I smoked with Paulina and Susan, but it was ME to be so clumsy and burn my tablecloth. She laughed and told me that my friends are more careful with my own things than I am. 

One cloudy afternoon after lessons I went to McDonald's with Honorata, Jacob, and Tobias. I ordered 2 hamburgers, fries, and a milkshake. We found a comfortable place and sat down. I sank myself so much in the chat with my friends that it seemed like nothing could have distracted me. However, something distracted me. It was a song. Somebody in McDonald's started playing from the phone "Same Old Love" from Selena. It was Aaron Brzozowski himself. I come across him all the time lately- first, it was a swimming pool, later playing field, then this abandoned park ending today in McDonald's. Damn, no matter how much I'm trying to forget him, he still somehow finds his way to my head&my heart. Not on purpose. But he keeps doing it. And he doesn't have to talk to me or even...know I exist. He doesn't have to be around at all. He's still around me even if he isn't...somehow. Anyway, let's go back to this real moment. He seems to really like this new song by Selena Gomez. He doesn't stop smiling widely listening to that and his friend, probably his girlfriend is recording him on her phone. I can't stand it. Suddenly Aaron starts poking me: "Hello, Oskar. Are you even listening to me?" and I reply "I have to admit I didn't". Honorata, Jacob, and Tobias laugh out so loud that people from all the tables start looking at us, including Aaron and his friends. Our eyes meet and we see in each other's eyes for at least a few seconds until Aaron turns back his head to his friends. "What have you all done?! Everybody in this fucken McDonald's turned their eyes on us xd". Tobias said, "Who cares?!"- typical Tobias. "It's your fault"-answered Honorata. "Should've been listening"-answered as the last Jacob, and once again they started laughing, but this time including me and my modest person xd Once again people are watching us, but this time I don't care. I feel like they- Jacob, Tobias, and Honorata- are much better friends than Paulina, Kinga, or Susan. With them around, I don't have to pretend anything.  Yeah, they are a little strange, but who isn't? They are much more real than all the 3 ladies I mentioned. They still can not fully understand me, but maybe am I demanding too much from them? We're clearly different. Being with them I miss doing crazy things as I do with Paulina or Kinga, but at least they don't make fun of other people. I'd like so much to have someone in my life who would be the connection of that. Who would have a sense of humor, be willing to laugh, and be easy-going but at the same time loyal, deep, fair, and paying attention to other people's feelings. Cause I clearly don't fully belong with my friends. We don't go in the same direction. I can feel it. I want to find a person with whom we'd aim in the same direction. Whom I could say about "this is where I truly belong". 

Later it started raining so each one of us turned back home and I spent the evening listening to music. I couldn't stop thinking of Aaron so I had been playing songs that reminded me of him like Second City's "I Wanna Feel", Cassie's "Skydiver", Mr. Probz's "Another You", Gromee's "Live Forever" or Selena Gomez's "Off The Chain", "Same Old Love" and "Me&the Rhythm". It's totally sick. I mentioned with a guy a few words 2 years ago and I gather a handful of songs reminding me of him. It's...fucken sick and fucked up! What's wrong with me?

The next week, as it was already planned, all 3rd graders who were signed to the same church went on a meeting to the main church hall. This time I didn't go with my friends cause after school I had been with a visit to my mother. We had been chatting and eating cake and generally spending some great times together. The wedding is in spring! Only civil wedding as both mother and Artur (her boyfriend's name) is already after their church weddings and after divorces, so this time they want to make it as modestly and calmly as they can. Besides, they don't really care anymore about a big party wedding with hundreds of friends. They want just themselves, the few closest persons around, and a calm after-party in a flat or a restaurant. Artur has 2 sons, older than me in their mid-20s. I met them several times, but I guess I'm too young, cause they didn't really put much effort to get to know me. They are good-looking tall brunettes with blue eyes, besides. They will be at the wedding, naturally, they'll take their girlfriends, and my mama tells me she'd like me to take my girlfriend too. I said I don't really have a girlfriend yet, but she insisted that even if I won't find any girlfriend till the spring I still can bring one of my friends whom I like the most. She means- girl-of course. I don't know whom would I invite to my mother's wedding- Paulina? No, she has a boyfriend. Maybe Kinga, Vanessa, or Honorata? No, Vanessa also has a boyfriend + Honorata is Tobias's ex-girlfriend. So, it seems I'll take Dorota with me...if she'll accept the invitation. I switch the topic and I talk with my mother about something else. She reminds me of a burnt tablecloth she found in my room and asks me whether I smoke frequently. I say that I've never smoked alone and that when I smoke I do it only with friends, like Damon, Paulina, Kinga, or Vanessa. I assured her I'm not addicted. She asks me "I'll ask you something. Don't lie to me. Did you happen to steal cigarettes from your grandparent?". I had problems with admitting the truth but I couldn't have lied to her so I just said abolished hesitantly "Yeeeees?". I didn't know how she would react and she just started laughing and answered "I did exactly the same when I was going to school" xd. Damn, mama! hahahaha! She reminded me I have this meeting in the church today and I realized I have only 10 minutes till the beginning. I suddenly jumped off the place, took my clothes on and was about to run, the church isn't that close, I'll be late! My mother wishes me good luck and tells me "Please, don't smoke too much, baby"! I said "yeah, yeah" and went out. 

I felt like I ran a marathon trying to get to the church. When I came into the main hall, the priest still wasn't there, so I guess I'm not the only one who is late today xd All the other people, including my old friends from elementary, were already there. I couldn't have seen my crew though, so I literally went straight in the center of the hall to find out where the fuck my friends sit. It was the place where the priest should have been talking to us right now, but he's late too. Instead of the priest, everybody is literally looking at me right now xd I try to pretend that nobody is watching me but it's hard- EVERYBODY is watching me right now xd Looking through all of the benches in the church I notice some people whom I know from elementary, including...Beatrice, Cristian, and Peter. They also look at me. My sight stops at Beatrice. She looks at me and whispers something to her friend. Cristian just looks at me with a face like "what the fuck is he doing?". Suddenly I hear loud whispers "Oskaaar! Oskaar!". I'm scanning once again through the whole hall and finally, I see- Tobias and Lara. They are saying something and doing weird gestures and I am like "whaat?". And they are beckoning me so I'm about to go and sit next to them, but someone touches my arm from the back and I turn around- priest himself! xd He's laughing and says through the microphone "I guess I'm not the only one who got late today" and he brings the microphone closer to me and I answer "yeah". The whole hall literally explodes in one big laugh! "Best of the bests always come as the last. Did you find your place?". I laugh and answer "yes" and go away to the bench. Everybody's smiling at me, so I guess I didn't made fool of myself in front of everyone...yeah, maybe I did. But at least I improved everyone's mood. For the rest of the meeting, we're just sitting and listening to the boring speech of the priest.  From time to time our old catechist from elementary seeing persons who talk instead of focusing on the lecture comes to them and rebukes them. During the meeting, I often exchange glances with Paulina who sits on the other part of the hall, laughing every time a priest or someone funny says something funny. I love the fact that we can laugh at everything with Paulina and that even sitting far away from each other we managed somehow to find each other. Even Tobias sitting next to me told me "I can't believe that you both can find each other even in this crowd in church". 

The meeting came to an end and all the whipsters got off the benches and started leaving the church. After I found myself outside I passed next to Beatrice and Cristian, but they just looked at me and when they saw I was getting closer they just turned around. It's sad. I mean, the fact that I was in love with both of them isn't a thing here. A thing is that we had been in the same class for 6 years. Our group was like a family. Yeah, we've never been like best friends, but we had been growing up with each other. It would be nice at least to say hi to each other, asking "what's up" etc. I guess I'm just for them a boy they used to go to the same school with once. The boy that doesn't matter anymore in their lives. Anyway, I'm turning back home with Stella, Lara, Bartek, Sebastian, Mario, Aiden, and Tobias so I try to not get upset because of some persons who meant so much to me and now saying hi to me isn't even an option for them. 

One week later I did something stupid. Something I should regret, and I regret it but...it brought me closer to someone I'm in love with for the first time in 2 years. During one break I just closed myself in a toilet cubicle and took out of my bag a cigarette. I just had a whim to smoke at this very moment. So I smoke and smoke in peace, being 100% sure nobody's else in this school toilet. Suddenly I realize it's quiet too suspiciously. I look through the keyhole and at the moment I get terrified- my technology/technique teacher. Fuck? What I was supposed to do? I just threw the cigarette to the toilet bowl, drained the water as I've just ended using the toilet bowl, and went out of the cabin. The technique teacher stands motionless and looks straight into my eyes. I don't know what to do so I just say "Good morning". I'm about to go away but he takes my arm and says "oh no, you're not going to get away with that just like that". 

I was terrified. He jerked me through the corridors straight to the principal. Everybody being at that time in the corridors had been watching me. We enter the principal room. I am supposed to sit on the chair in front of our principal behind the desk. There are 2 chairs and one is already taken. I see only the back of this person- tall, olive complexion, blond hair on the gel, brand clothes...no! It can't be! He's turning around. It's...Aaron Brzozowski!