A Whisper In The Wind

Beginning of the End

Its time for another Sapmap POV

TW: Mentions of Abuse

~~~Sapnap POV~~~

I've always been a night owl. Even back in the compound. It all is because of my night terrors. Which is something that doesn't bring me joy in talking about.  I started having them around age nine. My father was abusive and tended to lash out at me often, which is where my terrors originated from. He was angry, angry at me. You see, my mother died right after giving birth to me. Supposedly the doctors told her the risks of having a child, but she and my father had been trying to have a kid for years. When she was pregnant with me she wasn't willing to give up the chance of having a child of her own. 

I've been told only a few stories of what happened to her. Not too much was told to me just to try and spare me from feeling guilty. But my father did a good enough job of making me feel guilty. I was told that after she gave birth to me I was taken by doctors to get fluid out of my lungs. While they were all focused on helping me, my mother was doing fine. Almost an hour later she got to hold me for the first time, along with my dad. During that time she told me how happy she was that everything turned out fine. She told me how much she and my father loved me. At some point I was taken to a different room by doctors and thats when things went south. One thing led to another and my mother ended up in a casket. I heard that she passed due to a heart attack. Thats all I know. Telling the story of what happens makes me seem insensitive. Trust me, its painful. I've just learned to mask my feelings by now. You can thank my father for that. 

He beat me just for being born. Which later in life sent me into a depression full of nights with no sleep, and days of hiding my true emotions because of the constant worry of being a disappointment to anyone else. At one point enough became enough. I packed up what little things I had and waited for my father to fall asleep before making my run to freedom. Sadly I woke him up in the process. I had a pocket knife on me at the time and when he came out of his room and got ready to hurt me I acted first, stabbing him in the stomach. The cops were called  by my father. He told them I tried to murder him in his sleep. Of course when I tried to tell them the truth of what happened no one paid me any heed. I got thrown in the compound around age thirteen. When I got sent to the compound my mindset changed because of Clay. He helped me out of the hole I was in, part of me thinks he helped me out of that hole so easily because he had been in my position once before. 

Clay is a brother to me. He's my family. If it weren't for him I would be dead by now, or at least in a different compound for the deranged. 

Speaking of the devil. Clay stirs to the right of me. Both him and George have been asleep for a few hours now. Times like this where there is no chaos in the air, no sounds of distress, and no tremble in site are times that I savor with a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. Deep down knowing that it won't last forever. 

But maybe this hell won't last forever either. I mean according to the timer there is only a few more days left. After that timer hits zero Clay will be safe and alive, we all will be.

I craved more of the peace when Clay woke up panting, but that was the cue that made my brain realize it was time to get going. He knew it too. His hand skimmed through the dirty blonde locks and got to his feet, starting in the direction of the river. An irritated look plastered on his face. Neither of us said any words to the other. We both knew what needed to be done, talking could be put aside for later. 

I took it upon myself to pack all the bags and refill the water bottles for the journey ahead of us. At some point while I was down at the river getting water George got up and joined me. The silence between us was deafening. Something happened last night that is clearly bothering the lovebirds. I couldn't handle not knowing much longer.