A Taste of Love (Book #1)

I'm scared

The next morning when I wake up I am facing Jayson with his arm draped over my waist. He looks to peaceful sleeping. I trace the side of his face with my finger. He shifts but doesn't wake up. I easily remove his arm from me and slide out of bed. I grab some clothes from my dresser before I go into my bathroom turning the water on.

As I am standing in the shower, letting the steamy water run down my body, I remember what yesterday was. We berried my Grandma yesterday and I would never see her again. I don't know how I would make it each day without hearing her voice. I didn't even make it back home in time to tell her goodbye. I lean forward letting my head rest against the wall of the shower as tears began to escape my eyes.

A few minutes later Jayson enters the shower pulling me into him. "Shh, it's okay baby. It's ok."

I push him away. "No, it's not ok. None of this is ok. My grandma is dead. The one person who I shared everything with aside from Caroline is gone. I'll never have those moments again. So no Jayson, it is not ok."

I could see the hurt cross over his face. I knew he was just trying to be here for me but at this very moment, that is not what I want to hear. I don't want to hear it will be ok. How will it be ok when someone you loved has died? How is that ok?

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to make you feel better. Can I do anything?"

"Just be here for me. But stop telling me everything will be ok. I'm sure at some point this feeling will fade away but it is never going to be ok that my grandma is gone." I tell him as I lean back to let the water run through my hair.

Jayson grabs the shampoo bottle out of my hand, "Let me."

He puts some shampoo into this hand and lathers it in my hair messaging my scalp. It feels nice having someone else do this. After washing my hair he grabs my sponge and squirts some of my body wash onto it before washing every inch of my body. After he washes himself he gets out and grabs a towel wrapping it around his waist then grabs me a towel wrapping it around me as I step out.

"Thank you." I lean into his arms as he hugs me. I can honestly admit I'm not sure where Jayson and I stand. I know how he feels and I know how I feel but what happens after a month or so when we don't want anything to do with each other? I guess the real question is, is this more than sex for me? I just don't know anymore. I love being around Jayson, there is no doubt about that. But will I run off at the first sight of him telling me he loves me or when we have our first argument. All I know is the old me. The me that goes to clubs and sleeps with different guys. He knows the real me, he knows my past. I have told him everything. Will he stick around when I become stubborn and try to push him away? I know that day will come at some point. Or at least I hope we make it to the point he tells me he loves me. I just hope I can be strong and keep him near.

After getting dressed we go down stairs. I smell food before we even hit the bottom step. "Caroline! Did you not have food at your own place?" I yell knowing it's her in my home.

As we make out way into the kitchen Caroline jumps on me almost causing us to hit the floor. "Bitch! I love you but damn you're heavy!" I laugh hugging her.

"Are you two always like this?" Jayson laughs leaning against the wall watching us.

"Umm yes! She was mine before yours so get used to it or hit the road sir. I don't care how sexy you are or how good you are in bed, you will always have to deal with me if you plan on sticking around."

"Caroline, stop it. Let's play nice today. Jayson you can hang out in here while she finishes cooking or you can walk with me to the pool house. My office is in there. I need to go check some emails to see when I have to leave again and where I am going next. Oh and Caroline. Thank you for cooking breakfast. I know you did it for you mainly but at least you're cooking enough for us all."