Performance

Act I; Scene 23

Tw: Really awful parents and mentions and mild descriptions if every type of abuse

This is not the idea I was contemplating using, btw, I toned it down to be mildly realistic

Kinda short, tbh

When you're a kid, just how aware of the bad things in life are you? Some kids are more aware than others, but you don't genuinely know, because you're not a part of the thought process, no one asks for your opinions or explains other points of views. Your job is to sit there, so that one day, you can take over the world.

But, do you really? We grow up on the principles laid down for us- and we often continue to follow the rules of those before us. So we take over the world that the adults want us to have- it's the most precious heirloom we could be given. But, as if it were a necklace, you wouldn't really consider it yours. It's someone else's, you're just holding on to it.

To truly make it ours, we would need to change almost everything. 

Though, this isn't the line of thinking Roman ever used. He was told the world isn't his, so it isn't. He was told that he can't, so he can't. He was told that he isn't, so he's not. He was told that he is, so he his.

He knows exactly what he is, he's never allowed to forget. So, then...why does he feel so lost? 

Remus asked him, "What happened?"

Not for the first time, but Roman had thought that he'd given up on asking.

What happened? What changed? Why? 

All questions he doesn't know how to answer.

What happened? He grew up.

What changed? He did.

Why? Because…

Because he was told to. That's how it works. 

"You wanted to be an actor!"

He is.

"You loved Disney!"

He doesn't anymore…Right?

"We were gonna sing, and act, and write together!"

Those are childish dreams! He knows it is.

Remus is under the assumption that something specific happened, but it didn't, did it? He just grew up.

"You're not supposed to be grown up at 16 and certainly not at 10!"

When did this all start…?

~Ten Years Ago~

Six years old, the twins. Reciting the lines to a Disney movie they were watching and singing proudly to each song, harmonizing on and off.

"You two are so loud, it's hard to focus," She said, "It's annoying."

Annoying.

Was that it? Roman held onto that, because it was something commonly said to them. The things they want, the way they are- it's annoying.

But, young as he was, Roman didn't understand what to change, yet. They just got a bit quieter, before getting back to the sand volume.

~Eight Years Ago~

The twins were eight years old. Their parents kept making comments on how Disney and fiction are unnecessary.

Unnecessary

They ignored him so much, that's how he started to feel...wait.

~Six Years Ago~

Their parents ignored them a lot, they were always out, always making an effort to get away from them. But, at ten, they suddenly made Roman feel important.

They gave up on Remus, who always spoke his mind.

But, they took the opportunity to put Roman on a leash.

A child wants nothing more than a parent's approval, validation, love. Because they're supposed to teach them how to love themself.

But...some parents use force.

"Roman."

His father said his name for this first time... well, for the first time sounding like he wanted him to be there.

Roman should have pretended to be asleep.

Roman didn't do anything wrong, but he was getting punished like he did.

That week was spent snapping at Roman, yelling at Roman, hitting him, punishing him, until he did every single thing they asked and cowered in fear.

They trained him like he was nothing but a new puppy.

An image of Kingsley, limp and sprawled over him made him whimper.

He wants their love, he's afraid of their wrath.

That's all there is to it.

Roman didn't realize he was crying, back in the present if 16, away from the memories.

He recognized that he no longer considers his parents to be more than his bosses. People who have control over him. But, he also doesn't see what's wrong with that...he just knows that he's always felt like something was wrong- but he's felt like that so long that he thought it was right.

You can't pass off things like this with one reason- the only answer he can give is, "This is just how my life turned out."

He broke when he was ten, but he was breaking since he knew how to think.

He's scared of what it would feel like to be whole