Curiosity (GxG) (TeacherxStudent)

Chapter Fifteen

I think I'm coming back to my senses now, I think. I don't remember much of anything, only that I have drank in the middle of the fucking sidewalk, and the rest is a blur.

It was dark outside and the only light present is from the house, and the light post above me and Karlene. Cars are barely passing by this time, so it was quiet except for our voices, and the insects buzzing on the perfectly aligned trees of our street. This is nostalgic. Like a dream I've had before. That, or the alcohol in my system is still tripping me.

"Your grandpa is terrifying. Are you guys secretly a part of a mafia organization or- cause I'm packing my bags to move to Antarctica!" She put her hands up as if surrendering. "I still want to live."

I chuckled. She must've been really disturbed. What even is a mafia?  "Oops, yeah... that was a misunderstanding." I shook my head as that scene replayed in mind again, and I cringe everytime I would think about it.

"Good, because I don't have any idea what I did back there."

I shrugged, "Me too. And what's weird is grandpa said something about seeing some kind of longing thing, it doesn't make sense."

"Old people can be confusing."

"They can."

•••

"I've never asked why you and your family moved to this town," Karlene said. We've been outside talking for quite sometime now.

"It's because of my parents' work," I sighed, recalling it again. "If I had a choice I would've stayed behind."

"Do you regret coming here...?"

"Yes. I regret leaving what I had, and scared I wouldn't find another like it."

"Like what?"

I thought for a while, playing with my fingers as if that would solve the question. What am I afraid of losing? Is it her feelings? That I think this physical gap between could hurdle us? It took us so long to build what we have. Being far away from her would lead astray this heart that grew dependant on her. But she wouldn't be like that as well would she? Because it's just me. I'm still in denial I'm a bit insecure about myself. Cause who wouldn't be? Compared to her, who am I?

"Like Anne. I don't want to lose her."

She was there when I was on my lowest. When there's no light coming for me when I was in the dark. I thought I was going to be forever stuck below the pit of my weakness. But she held my hand, and helped me up. Then I thought everything and everyone wasn't so scary after all now that I'm not alone. I want to go back to the time when she made me want to fight off my enemies that I never thought I'd conquer. She was the armor in my life, and I was once the wimpy kid who didn't believe in herself.

~~Flashback~~

It was my first year in junior high. Eyes, ears and mouths lurking and observing on the hallways as if they're waiting to catch me off guard. They watch me in every move I make, always have something negative to say about it. Always pushing me down a deeper hole I'm already in.

I sat in the middle of the cafeteria tables by myself. They make sure it was the only vacant table left, so I was visible to everyone. I was made like a comedian even though I did absolutely nothing and the stage lights are all on me, everyone was looking at me for entertainment.

"How are you not embarrassed?" A boy said to me as he get behind me and onto my left side. Another one followed behind, he cornered the right.

"I'd rather just kill myself if I were you,"

Now, a squad of higher grade students gathered around me. Each of them towering high, and chuckling at their own messed up jokes.

"What are you going to do, huh? You fucking dike! Speak up!" He slammed his hand on the table making my lunch box drop on the floor, scattering my food all over.

"S-sorry," I murmured as I get down to pick it up. My parents prepared it themselves even though they have a lot of trouble in work. The only thing that reminded me, I was cared for.

My legs is starting to go weak, tears threatening to stroll down my cheeks. I've angered Lester. Now I'm going to pay for it again. I felt a hand grip my hair, it pulled me up to my feet. Now I have my head up for display.

"Dikes don't deserve to be treated like us," Lester said. His minions proudly cheering him on. "God despises them, and so should we. They deserve to burn in hell for their sin!"

I felt a strong force hitting my thighs then I fell, fortunately saving my head with my arms from the hard tiled floor of the cafeteria. My arms were filled with bruises but I hid them perfectly under my jacket and long sleeves I always wear. No bones has been crushed, but my soul already had enough. Maybe I'm really better off dead.

Lester squatted down to whisper. "Tell the teachers about this, and I'll fucking beat your gay ass. Got that Holmes? Don't underestimate me. You know my father..." He shoved my face down the ground thus the laughter grew louder.

I nodded and nodded. Not again... What have I done? Is being myself so wrong? I never wanted to be like this. Why can't people understand that? It was never a choice... I don't want to be like this.

Then everyone left with a good laugh once the bell rang. But in this particular day, I wasn't left alone.

"Those bastards are on it again..." A neatly presented girl cursed as she walked up to me, a girl who's trying to salvage what's left of herself. Because for her, almost everything is gone, like always.

I looked up. Her long wavy blonde hair touching the tip of my nose. It surprised me. Her sudden intrusion, I didn't know what it means. But I took her hand in fascination, of this new feeling I found.

"I'm Anne," She introduced herself, not minding my dirty clothes and noodled arms. "And you're Ellain-"

"Ellie," I cut her off to say my nickname that barely, or even no one in this school knows. It's kind of embarrassing to tell for the first time.

"Okay Ellie, got it. Starting today, you're going with me. If they try and bother you again, they have to go through me!" She said proudly.

I was more than amused, and think she's out of her mind. Although I am glad that she came.

My eyes are stuck on her. She's a ray of sunshine, as you call a person so bright and happy. Never selling out stories, always have something to tell. Everyday I find something captivating about her, which then on drew me closer and closer to her.

Anne and I started to get to know more of each other at the middle of the school year. Sometimes, I get to hang around her circle of friends. Because I surrounded myself with people, no one has been bothering much. If Lester and his minions did, I push myself to also fight back. I never wanted to go back to the time where I was belittled by everyone. So little by little I stand up.

She made me realize for the first time that I want to look forward to tomorrow.

---

"I don't want to lose her," I said again more surely as I finished telling her how Anne and I first met.

Karlene and I watched the stars as I talk more. We both looked up at the same starry sky, never in one's eyes, because somehow, it's much easier. This way, we can forget about our status. In this place, we're not a teacher and a student. We're just voices, less tense, and more calm.

"I don't understand how some people could have so much hate for others just because of their sexuality or gender," She said frowning.

"Me too. Those past years I learned nothing but to hate myself, and not realize they're the one that's wrong."

"I think that loving another person was never a sin."

"Well...how could it be when we don't get to chose who we love?"

"I suppose..."

It hit midnight. It's a sunday morning, not that exciting. I still don't know what I will do after this.