Awakenings: The Greek, The Russian and Me

Chapter 15

I park in front of my house and just sit there with my eyes closed, trying to focus on something else. When I hear a knock on my window, I'm brought back to reality. It's the landlord's wife. "Fran, are you all right? Do you need anything? It's not safe to stay out here alone this late at night," she says, concerned.

I smile as I get out of the car. "I'm okay; thanks for asking." We both walk toward the front door. I'm dragging my feet as I make it to the second floor and open my apartment door. All the lights are off, and everything is so quiet. Entering, I lock the door behind me as I feel for the closest light switch and head to the kitchen for a cup of water. I do my duty and feed Mona and give her fresh water.

Entering my bedroom, I see the answering-machine light blinking, and my heart skips a beat as I rush over to the machine and press play. "You have one new message," it says in an automated tone. Did Conn call? I wonder as I anxiously wait for it to play the message. "Fran, you left your book bag in my car. I have to be at work early tomorrow, but you are welcome to come to my uncle's restaurant to pick it up. I can also drop it off at your house after work but would need your address, or I can meet you early at school on Monday and give it to you then. Let me know what you want to do. Good night." Erik's voice sounds flat, not his usual tone at all. I suddenly feel ill and just lie on the bed.

I must have slept very deeply, as it's seven in the morning, and I'm fully dressed. Undressing, I head straight for the shower. I linger in the shower for a long time, emerging somewhat revitalized. In my bedroom, I dress in jeans and a red V-neck T-shirt. I feed Mona again and then give the apartment a once-over, as Mom should be coming home soon. Everything looks in order, I tell my- self, and feeling extremely oppressed in the house, I grab my keys and head out the door with no specific destination in mind.

Not knowing where to go, I find myself driving aimlessly and find that I'm near Maple Grove Cemetery, where Grandma is buried. I stop by the grocery store and grab a bunch of flowers and head over to visit Grandma. Her grave is located near the pond, and somehow when I go visit her, I don't feel alone. Turning into the main entrance, I follow the winding roads until I reach her gravesite. No one has come in a while, and the flowers are all dried out. I bend over and pull out the old flowers, tossing out the water in the vase and replacing it with fresh water and flowers. I sit on the ground by her grave and say a silent prayer. A sense of peace comes over me as I sit there. "Grandma, I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I have no one to talk to, and I have made a mess of my life recently. You know I've never had luck in love, even though you always said it would come when I least expected it. Well, I met Conn, this Greek guy. I really like him, and, well, we slept together. The problem is I'm starting to think that he doesn't care for me and only wants to sleep with me. While at the same time, I met this really amazing Russian guy named Erik. You would have liked him. I'm not in love with him, but I'm attracted to him, and he is so kind. I've met some of his family, and they're really nice too. I'm so confused. I just wish I knew what I should do. My mind is filled with incredible memories with Conn, but my heart is breaking as I think of Erik. Oh, I wish you were here to tell me what to do or just to put my arms around you and hug you tight. I miss you." I pull some weeds from around her gravestone. I say another short prayer and head for my car.

Deciding that I should retrieve my book bag, I head out to Erik's uncle's restaurant in Brighton Beach. It's a long drive, but I roll down the windows and crank up the radio, and Bon Jovi's song "I'll Be There for You" is playing. I take a deep breath and wonder if this is a sign and then laugh at myself at the mere thought. It takes me a while to locate the address of the restaurant and then to find a parking spot. After I park, I look in the rearview mirror, put on some lipstick, and pull my hair into a low ponytail. Taking a deep breath, I get out of the car and head over to the restaurant a few blocks away.