Awakenings: The Greek, The Russian and Me

Chapter 12

Thursday I wake around eight thirty after a night of crazy dreams. I've slept deeply and wake up so confused, not being able to make heads of tails of things. I dreamed I was with Conn; we were kissing and doing other things we have done before in his house. I could even smell his cologne in my dream and recognized the curves of his body, but when I saw his face, it was Erik. As I lie there in bed, reliving the dream in my mind, I can't help comparing the two. Conn is evasive, moody, secretive, strong, and drop-dead handsome, and he has awoken feelings and sensations in me that I never knew. I don't know where I stand with him; we don't even hold hands in school unless we are alone in the library. I frown. Maybe that's the way Greeks are. I close my eyes and see Erik's face and can't help smiling. He is so funny, smart, cute, confident, and hot in his own way, and he makes me feel relaxed to the point that I can be myself. I know he has held my hand on occasion, but I've never really had male friends. I wonder if he sees me as a friend or if he finds me attractive.

I hear my mom calling me. "Fran, are you up?" I try to ignore her, desperately wanting to stay in bed, lost in my thoughts and memories of last night's dreams. A few minutes later, she's at my door asking, "Are you feeling sick? You are usually up by this time."

I sit up in bed and reply, "No, I'm just a little tired; that's all."

She walks over to my bed and puts a hand on my fore- head. "No fever. After you complete the to-do list, go to bed early and get some rest. Remember, this is my girls' weekend out, and I won't be back until Sunday, probably around dinnertime, but I'll call you and let you know for sure." She plants a kiss on my head. I secretly feel relieved that she will be away and I will have the entire apartment to myself. Maybe she is right; I should work on the to-do list and then maybe watch a movie or read a good book. Mom heads back to her room and finishes packing for her long weekend. I make coffee for both of us, and she sits at the kitchen table drinking her coffee while she is adjusting some stuff in her bag.

A half hour later, the bell rings, and it's her friend Doris. "Mom, your ride is here," I tell her.

She rushes to her room, picks up her duffel bag, and gives me a quick peck on the cheek as she says, "Enjoy your weekend, but remember to rest. Do something fun too; you're always too serious. Live a little, Fran! Life is too short to have your nose in a book all the time." Then she walks downstairs. I wave to Doris from the window, and a few minutes later, they drive off.

Mona is meowing. "Oh, she didn't feed you, did she?" I ask Mona. She meows again. I give her some dry cereal and fresh water and notice that on the counter there is a to-do list written in pink, my mom's favorite color. It reads: clean house, do laundry, clean litter box, and see the back of this page for food shopping list. So much for resting, I tell myself as I decide to do all the household chores first and do laundry on Saturday or Sunday morning. There is not much furniture in the house, but the cat makes a mess, and the kitchen and bathroom really need a good scrub. I decide to clean the bathroom and kitchen first, then do the cat litter, and lastly vacuum the entire apartment. By two o'clock, I'm done and starving. I look in the fridge, and there is nothing to eat; it's basically empty except for a bottle of coffee creamer. Hearing my stomach rumble, I decide to do the food shopping next and head to the local supermarket. I go down her list, tossing the items in the shopping cart, and then as I'm in the freezer section, I decide to treat myself to some mint chocolate chip ice cream. Once home, I slowly put the groceries away. By this time I'm beyond starving, and my head is pounding. Quickly I make myself a turkey sandwich and sit at the table to eat. I sit at the table for a long time and contemplate my surroundings. I really wish I had a different life. Friends, family, a place where I could belong. I just really feel so lonely.

I sit in the kitchen for a very long time lost in my thoughts, when the phone rings. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone, so I let it ring until the answering ma- chine picks up. My heart skips a beat, and I dash to the phone as I hear Conn's voice. "Hi!" I say breathlessly.