hold me close, but not too close~newtmas

Chapter 10: He's Not Gone Yet but He's Leaving

-I mean, Jesus. It's been a yonk, but here we go a 10,000 word chapter.

-if you follow you then you'll know why i haven't been able to update but since it's 1am right now and i'm shattered out of my mind all I'm gonna say is if you're wondering why I haven't been able to update, just read my last few announcements and it'll explain everything!

-thank you for being so patient and I hope you enjoy the chapter! :))

"Canada?" Thomas asked, confused, and then to himself; "why did nobody tell me?"

"Beats me." Bianca shrugged. "That's a question for your friends to answer." She offered a small smile, considering her next words. "Why does it bother you? I mean, you're safe and that's what you wanted, right? So why does it matter where you are?"

Thomas shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he said lowly. "It doesn't matter where we are, you're right about that, but..."

"But what?"

"Nothing." Thomas quirked a smile. "The world is in ruins. We could be extinct in one hundred years. Nations don't matter so long as we have safety."

Bianca bumped her shoulder against his. "And each other."

Thomas breathed a laugh, "yeah," he agreed. "And each other."

Something nagged at Thomas – something unrelenting. Each other, repeating in his head. Each other, telling him that he should be grateful for what he has, and who remains. Each other, like a punishment. Because Thomas' other was gone.

"I can see the engine revving," Bianca said. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about breakfast," Thomas answered quickly, avoid the conversation that hung above them like poison ivy.

Bianca rolled her eyes but couldn't supress her smile. "You know I was a mom, right? I can sense when you're keeping something from me." When Thomas didn't answer, she stood. "Alright, pretty boy. You win this time. Now, c'mon," she offered a hand, "let's get some of that breakfast you were talking about."

Relieved, Thomas accepted Bianca's hand and she pulled him to his feet. Her grip was firmer than expected and although Thomas tried to hide his surprise, Bianca caught the expression on his face.

"I was military," she explained. "Left before we had Crystal, luckily, otherwise I would have been deployed at the start of the Outbreak."

"Was it a tough decision?" Thomas asked. "To leave?"

Bianca shook her head. "No," she answered, her voice steel. "Aveline and I wanted a life together. We wanted a family, but Aveline didn't want that unless I left the military."

"So, she convinced you?"

"It wasn't hard." Bianca motioned towards the Safe Haven. "But I think that's a story for another night, don't you?"

Thomas opened his mouth in protest but Bianca was already walking away. "Hey!" Thomas called, jogging to catch up. "You're leaving it at that?"

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you savour your stories. You never know when someone is going to need them." She turned to look at him, a wide grin splitting her face.

"Alright, alright," Thomas gave in, chuckling. "But I'm holding you to that."

"Of course you are, pretty boy. But for now," she said, linking her arm through his. "Breakfast."

***

Thomas showered while the queues were quiet, the only people awake being the kitchen staff. He dressed in the stall, knowing that if he were to dress in the cabin, he would suffer a stroke of bad luck and somebody would wake to find him naked. It happened once after an unfortunate incident, as Thomas was reminded, although the four boys knew it had been anything but that.