❤️Haikyuu Oneshots❤️

My story to the strangers of the internet because your not alone

I haven't been okay for a long time
In fact I truly do not remember a time where I was okay
But nobody see that
Nobody knows
They say I have a bleeding heart
My heart does bleed
But only for others
I could care less about myself
I will always help those around me
I will shove down my feelings to help others
My heart bleeds for others but never for myself
I have hurt myself
I have cut
I have starved
I have drank
I have put myself through toxic relationships time and time again
Emotionally abusive relationships
Sexually abusive relationships
Mentally abusive relationships
Physically abusive relationships
I been in them all
Why?
Because I feel like I deserve it
But does anyone see?
No
Because I know exactly how to make people forget
Forget I was hurting
Forget that I needed help
I needed advice
I know how to fool everyone
I simply send them a funny video
And within seven seconds they forget I was contemplating death
Within just Seven Seconds they have completely forgotten that I was not okay
That I needed help
And I make it easy
I make it so easy for them
I know how to act so well that it fools everyone
Because I know how to make my smile look real
I can force the happiness into my eyes
I can make everyone think I'm okay
I know how to fake a perfect laugh
I can fake the perfect grin
I can fake the perfect girl
But I cant
Because I'm never enough
I can never be what everyone wants me to be
So I will always be a failure
But that's okay because I'm okay

When I was 5 I knew I had severe depression and anxiety
When I was 10 I was officially diagnosed
When I was 11 I realized my body image issues were BDD
When I was 16 I was finally diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I was 13 when I got a therapist
I was 14 when he first mentioned medication
I was 15 when I gathered the courage to talk to my parents about it
I was 15 when they told me i didn't need it
I was 16 when my therapist gave me names of doctors because I needed medication
I was 16 when my mom basically told me I was trying to be come a pill popper
I was 15 when I started cutting
I was 12 when I started starving myself with no luck in losing weight
I was 11 when I first tried to kill myself
I was 13 when I tried to die again
I was 14 during my last attempt
I was 15 when I started craving alcohol
I was 7 when I learned how to fake my happiness
I have never been okay
I never will be

But I'm not alone
I know I'm not alone
I know so many of you feel like you have no one to go to
But I am here
I shared some of my story with you
I know the struggles you all have
I know how hard it is to continue fighting
I am here for you if you ever need anyone
I am here you can find help here
Comment and I WILL respond
I will give you advice
Give you my hand for you to take
I want this to become a safe place
Anyone that tries to cause harm to others I will insult to high heaven
But please I want this book to be a place you can tell your problems
I want this to be a safe place for everyone
For people to comment their problems and others to give a helping hand
I want this to be a home
So I give you my hand
Take it if you need to