moonlight [ quackity ]

chapter 11 || free dee

"oh my go-od" i choked out on my own words laughing, "when you get here i'm gonna literally suffocate you! you're so obnoxious!"

alex laughed back at me, "if you can catch me short stuff."

i furrowed my brow though i know he can't see me, "you have the audaaaacity to call me short stuff. alright alex."

"that's not fucking funny," his voice dropped to a false monotone. i snorted flopped back onto the ground. my eyes traced the lining of the ceiling. "you know, there's so much to do when i get there."

"yeah big man?" i smiled to myself. i nearly felt the same energy returned.

"yeah," his voice became soft. "i've been thinking about it a lot."

i pulled my hand up and pressed it to my now warming face. i rubbed my cheek into my shoulder. "you been thinkin' 'bout me ?" the tone i gave was more joking rather than not.

"of course," he paused, "and that HUNK of a brother you've got, god damn imma have to-"

"AHT." i cut him off before he made me imagine things i would rather not. "whatever. kinda surprised you wanna see me."

"no you aren't you loser. you know i wanna see you." his answer was simple but caught me off guard.

i fumbled on my words for a moment, "what do you mean?"

"seriously? we've been talking back and forth nearly everyday for a couple months now.. summer's come around and you've apparently lost your head. of course i would wanna see you after all this time."

i huffed at the thought. he's right. we became friends in like february, maybe march-ish, and now it's june.

a week away until he visits.

god am i fucking nervous.

"i guess you're right. doesn't mean you get to call me a loser though, dumbass."

"yeah yeah," he returns a sigh, used to my antics by now.

i feel my own sleep deprivation kicking up on me. i've been so tired recently trying to juggle everything. i stared at my ceiling in silence for a bit.

man i really am trying to hold up a lot. finding a home , keeping shit straight with karl, streaming, overall internet pressure and the anxiety that comes with it, and whatever the fuck i have going on in my head about alex.

"i'm scared you won't feel about me how 
i feel about you. " my heart jumps in my chest. i actually fucking said that out loud. i try to quickly think of a way to recover, but decide against it and try to keep my cool.

"huh?" he says, something trailing his tone that i can't quite decipher.

"uh—" i hesitate slightly, "i mean i'm just worried you'll find me annoying." i blew out a tensed breath. while there was a lot of truth to the statement, it apparently wasn't the only thing i was feeling.

i heard a shift in the way he was presenting his voice, "you think i'd find you annoying ?"

"well.. maybe i don't know." i'm pretty sure everyone finds me unbearably annoying.

"dude.. you know i wouldn't come over if i thought you were annoying. like you and karl are practically the same person.. if i thought you guys were annoying, i'd avoid it all together."

i exhaled the breath i was holding in. okay. thats good.. right ? 

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that night as i layed still in my bed, i found my mind wandering to karl. why did he want to help so desperately? i get we're family, but he was so insistent on me moving in. though i know i should, i feel it'll be too much.