Mate To A Whisper

Realization

Okay I wouldn't blame you guys if you pushed my off a cliff or something horrible like that. It's just I was having writer's block and then I had to study for finals and all that good stuff that comes with life, anywho I tried to upload for a Christmas present to you guys but that didn't work either... obviously. I hope that my failure hasn't caused you to stop reading this story I put together, it means loads when you guys comment and such, I hope you guys will keep it if I hold up my end of the bargain. Happy Readings!

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Another day in the long line of horribly miserable days. I managed to haul my weak, tired, and starved body to my bathroom for a shower and to get ready. I hadn't eaten or slept much in the 18 days since Luke had saved me, leaving me skinny and horrid looking, something that after a while I couldn't cover up with makeup or hiding food under the table to trick others into thinking I was all right. They asked and wondered but I gave them a shrug and refused to give them any sort of worthwhile answer, because the truth sounded strange and even the mention of it brought me to tears.

I was suffering from a broken heart.

Was that even possible? I didn't even think about it until it actually happened to me. Being around Luke was bittersweet to say the least. I was happy and giddy and felt only amazing things when I had first met him, but that was all a distant and very painful memory that made my heart clench. Why did I have to meet him? Why do I have to feel this way about him? By now I was crying, wetting my sore cheeks with tears of misery as I stood under the hot shower, desperately trying to rid my aching body of the depression I felt. Depression that might never go away and would surely be the cause of my very death.

After the shower I got ready, dressing and packing for the cold feildtrip I would be having as today the school decided to take us to a frozen lake for some ice-skating. Unusual I know but the other students took it as a much needed break from classes as well as the teachers. For some reason the chance of coming across a person who hadn't been skating at least a few times was pretty absurd, even the teachers, other than the ones that would probably break the ice, knew how to. How the school decided on this no one knew but no one questioned, so all in all people were looking forward to it.

Except for me.

To me it was just another place where Luke would be too. Another time to feel pain and have thousands of questions zip through my brain making my head spin as I try to calm the unbearable confusion in my head with all that had happened. I couldn't just skip this, it would raise more unwanted questions and I would prove myself a coward. Why couldn't he just tell me what I did to deserve this? I don't remember doing anything wrong, maybe it was karma from a past life or something, either way I still didn't know why this had happened.

What I was feeling was so hard to discern I stopped trying to figure it out long ago, just feeling so empty and dead inside without an explanation. Did you know I've even thought about cutting? Don't worry I haven't, but I've thought about it, I've heard it eases the pain and it seemed so tempting to just forget about all of this even for a while.

I trudged down for breakfast, ending up skipping it as I didn't feel hungry, again. I zipped up my wool sweater and made sure my bag had gloves, skies, a hat, and lunch. Lying to my mom that I had already eaten before walking out into the crisp, snowy morning air and making my way to school, for some strange reaon I had a slight twinge that something was going to happen. Little did I know how right I'd be.

We had been there for a few hours, everyone was skating around, most of them had their arms linked through a friends or the one they were going out with. I, on the other hand, was just slowly gliding around by myself, watching the other people laugh and converse as they spent this gorgeous day with the people that they loved to be around. Danica had asked me if I wanted to join her and the others, but I declined, saying I really just wanted some alone time when in all truth, it was torturing. Espeshially when my eyes kept finding a certain guy who was also gliding around on his own. Causing another onslaught of thoughts.