* weird little mitsukou oneshots </3

* Kou angst but massive tw

Huge cw for failed s//icide attempt, scar / sh mentions, ab^se/neglect mentions.
Stay safe :)

Summary: ''how about I die, too, so we can be together forever?''
Kou tries to jump off a roof and his best friend stops him just in time. Plus a bonus clumsy confession at the end cus. Angst with a happy ending is my jam

Kou dragged his feet as he approached the railing. This was it. This was the moment Kou Minamoto would take his last breath. He never deserved to breathe the earth's air in the first place. He never deserved to feel the sun on his face. He never deserved a chance.
Climbing over the railing, he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He was ready.
...No.
Yes. He's waited long enough. He's stealing air and taking up space. He's a disgrace to the Minamoto clan. Teru was right about him.
No, enough about Teru. Kou wanted control over his last thought.
What would he miss? Easy. His friends. Yashiro, Hanako, Satou, Yokoo. .....Mitsuba.
God hed miss Mitsuba so much. He'd miss holding Mitsuba in his arms, he'd miss having him over for sleepovers, hed miss cooking with him, hed miss their playful arguments, hed miss the feeling of Mitsuba's hand in his.
He was being selfish. Mitsuba didn't deserve to deal with him any longer. It doesn't matter that Kou will miss him. Mitsuba never wanted to be friends anyways. He deserves to be left alone. And Kou would do anything to make sure his friends get everything they deserve. He loved them all. Hed die over and over again for any of them.
With a final breath, he loosened his grip.
...Why won't he let go? Whats he so afraid of? This is what Teru meant when he said that he was weak. He was scared. He wasn't ever strong enough to live.
Teru... Hed miss Teru. And Tiara. One of them has probably found his note by now.
he needed to succeed in this attempt. For his first attempt, he sure was arrogant. The amount of confidence that was in that note would be embarrassing if he survives. Maybe he should've worded it better. No, no. no time now. Stop trying to get out of this.
He was always too confident. Teru worked so hard to make sure Kou wasn't confident in anything. To make sure Kou would always question the things he did. Kou was never sure in himself. He shouldn't have fought Teru so much. He only wanted the best for him.
Enough stalling. Three, two-
"KOU!"
He flinched, tightening his grip on the railing and turning around. His eyes widened as he faced a tall, lanky pink haired boy, clutching a paper hard in his palm. That boy...
... Mitsuba Sousuke. His best friend.
Kou couldn't jump in front of Mitsuba.
"GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE. RIGHT NOW KOU." Mitsuba sobbed.
Kou had no choice but to comply. As soon as he was up, Mitsuba ran to him, squeezing him into a hard hug.
"KOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHY WOULD YOU... I...."
Mitsuba pulled away from Kou.
The paper in his hand. The note. Kou stared at it with wide eyes. That note wrote out everything true about him.
He probably sees him differently. Or thinks he's a liar. A gross liar. He hates him. He despises him even more than he did before. He wants to see him burn in an active forest fire, right up close in person. Kou wouldn't blame him. He wanted to watch that too. He wished he could stand alongside his friends and watch as the pathetic, good for nothing, useless, worthless, liar burn until he was nothing but a gross little crisp. He wished he could stomp on that crisp until it was gone, he wished he could laugh about the pig who used to be Kou Minamoto alongside Nene, Amane and Mitsuba. Alongside Yokoo and Satou. Alongside Teru and Tiara.
But he couldn't. He was that pathetic little pig, burned to a crisp. Fading away, a forgotten memory.
In that note, he confessed his feelings toward Mitsuba. His very non-platonic feelings towards Mitsuba. He probably wants nothing to do with him anymore.
"...How'd you..." Kou pointed at the note.
"You were acting weird today, so I went to your house, and I found this. No one else has read it, and if you want, it can stay that way. I just.... Why didn't you tell me.... you felt like.. this? I could've helped, i-"
"Theres nothing you can do."
"What?"
Kou sighed, "Nothing you could've done will change this," Mitsuba stared at him with teary eyes, making Kou's heart hurt, "...Go home, Mitsuba."
"Wha- No! No I wont fucking go home without you coming with me! Wha.... What will I do without you, Kou?! I can't live without you!!!"
Mitsuba grabbed onto Kou's trembling hands.
"...Please go home, Mitsuba." Kou whispered, bowing his head down and squeezing his eyes shut. Why was Mitsuba making this so difficult? He wants Kou to die, so whys he stalling this?
Mitsuba's eyebrows furrowed and he glared down at their intertwinted hands, "NO. IM NOT GOING HOME. I WONT LET YOU DO THIS. I WONT, I- I-...." Mitsuba broke down into sobs. His knees gave out, and he collapsed, squeezing Kou's hands desperately.
Kou watched, carefully removing his hands from Mitsuba's grasp. Why... Why was Mitsuba crying?
"Whats wrong...? Why are you crying?" He asked, shakily crouching beside him.
"...W-Why do you think, Kou? Y-Youre my b-best friend, I l-love you. I don't w-want to say goodbye to you y-yet, I'm not ready. You're scaring me."
Kou's eyes widened as he moved away from Mitsuba.
You really are a terrible person, Kou. Now what do you do?
"...Fuck, I'm so sorry, i-"
"N-No, stop, shut up. Please don't be sorry, i-i don't need you to f-feel guilty of anything!" He looked down, "...Let's go home."
"What?"
"Come home with me. Let's go home. Together. You don't have to be alone anymore."
Kou couldn't stop the tears pricking under his eyes, and he couldn't prevent them from gushing down his face. He flinched at the feeling and brought his hand to his face, watching the tears fall onto it.
"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to cry." He said, feeling small and vulnerable. Kou hated crying.
"...Don't be sorry for showing emotions, Kou. Jeez, you're such a dummy. Its a high emotion situation, Kou, you just tried to kill yourself. Im surprised it took you this long to cry."
Kou sniffled and stared at Mitsuba. God he was so pretty. He wanted to kiss h-
no.
Mitsuba stood up, offering a hand to Kou. Kou hesitantly grabbed onto Mitsuba's soft, cold hand, burdening it with his calloused, bandaged up ones. Mitsuba probably hated holding Kou's hand. Gross.
Mitsuba didn't let go of Kou's disgusting, nasty, unworthy hand all the way back to his house. Mitsuba's house.
He led the blonde up to his bedroom, setting him down on his bed.
"Would you like to talk about it now or later?" Mitsuba asked, sitting beside Kou.
"....L-Later, if that's okay. I'm... sorry.."
"No, no, don't be sorry. It's okay," Mitsuba hesitated, "...Y-Youre a dummy. How could you think any of your friends hate you...? I-... Look, I know you want to talk about this later, but still!! All your friends appreciate you so much!!! None of us want to see you hurt. Kou, I love you. I love you so much. I don't... I don't know what id do without you."
Kou sniffled, blinking away the prickly feeling that washed over his eyes and furrowing his brows. Why would Mitsuba even bother lie to him? Kou knew he was stupid, but Mitsuba didn't have to lie to him. He already felt disgusting. Hed feel better if Mitsuba just told him he wants to watch his blood dye his clothes red. It might make his stomach drop and make him feel ill and shaky, but it'd be better than this.
No matter how hard he tries, all his friends will hate him. They always will. Why would Mitsuba pretend that wasn't true?
Mitsuba stared at him. His pink eyes seemed to light up. Kou loved his eyes. Kou loved Mitsuba. Kou was in love with Mitsuba. Mitsuba deserved better than him.
Suddenly, Mitsuba cupped his cheek in his hand, scooting closer to Kou. Before Kou could react, Mitsuba leaned in and pressed their lips together passionately.
Kou flinched at the sudden contact, accidentally separating their mouths. Mitsuba also leaned back, now looking scared.
"Oh, god- sorry, oh my god, I wasn't thinking I shouldn't have- im sorry-"
"No, no!!! It's fine!!! It just surprised me, its okay! Sorry." Kou stared at him, a sheepish smile forming on his face, "...Hah... If you want, y-you can try again-"
Kou couldn't even finish his sentence before Mitsuba pressed their lips together once more, somehow even more passionate than before. Kou let go of his weird little smile and kissed back, cradling Mitsuba's face. The two separated for air.
"...Hah..."
Kou stopped, suddenly feeling dizzy.
"Kou? Are you alright?"
Kou couldn't even stop the infodump that fell out of his mouth. He hated opening up, he despised it, but it felt so uncomfortable sitting inside him after that kiss, and he just had to tell Mitsuba.... Everything.
Mitsuba stared at him. He looked like he was a mixture of surprised and relieved.
Kou told him about his brother, he told him about the rotting feeling in his soul, he told him about what he thought to be unchangeable (Him being unable to ever impress his friends or family, and believing everyone hated him), he told him about the scars all over his body, he told him about the way he craved pain and wanted to watch himself burn, the way he wanted to bleed out on the floor and have everyone he loved stomp on his corpse. He told Mitsuba everything. It ended with him breathing heavily and tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. He waited for Mitsuba to yell at him, hit him, call him disgusting, anything.
He didn't know what to do when Mitsuba pulled him into a soft, gentle embrace.
"Kou, you're such a dummy," he placed a gentle kiss on Kou's forehead, "I love you so much. Thank you for telling me."
Kou froze. What was he DOING? why would Mitsuba touch him??? He's disgusting. Why would Mitsuba let filth into contact with him?
As much as he shouldn't have, Kou sighed and hugged onto Mitsuba. He shouldn't burden Mitsuba with his grossness, but the comfort was so nice.
"Im here for you now, Kou. You'll never be alone again, okay? N-Next time you feel the need to hurt, c-contact me, okay? M-Maybe I can help. Afterall, you helped me stop cutting. I can try to return the favor."
Kou nodded, snuggling into Mitsuba more. He was so cold, yet somehow the embrace had a warmth nothing else shared.
"Hah... Sorry to burden you, haha.."
"You're not a burden. Don't say that."
Kou knew that wasn't true. But somehow that made him feel better anyways. He wanted to say wrapped up in Mitsuba's cold arms forever. He was.... happy.
"Thank you, Mitsuba. Thank you so much. How can I repay you?" Kou asked.
Mitsuba smiled, "Hmmm..." He slowly removed one arm from Kou's waist and tangled his fingers in Kou's blonde hair, "Stay with me this weekend?"
Kou laughed, "Alright, bet."
The two sat wrapped around eachother before eventually drifting asleep in eachother's warmth.
-
"Kouuu!! You kept me waiting!!" Mitsuba whined, running up to Kou.
Kou was trembling, holding a note tight in his hands. He wasn't looking forward to giving it to Mitsuba, but he knew he had to. With a deep breath, he turned around and handed it to Mitsuba. Mitsuba frowned and hesitated, before taking the note and opening it slowly.
The iron frown on the strawberry haired boy's face melted into a smile slowly as he read the note. Soon he shut the note and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.
"K-Kou, you're such a dummy," Mitsuba collapsed into Kou's chest, hugging onto him, "I like you like that too, loser."
"Y-...You do?!" Kou gasped, wrapping his arms around Mitsuba slowly.
"Of course I do, dummy. I don't know why, since your stupid earing is so ugly." He laughed, squeezing Kou tighter.
"Hah..."
Kou squeezed Mitsuba tighter, a stupid grin on his face.
This note wasn't another suicide note. It was a confession note.
Kou loved Mitsuba. He was in love with him. And by the looks of it, Mitsuba returned those feelings.
It's been two months since his first attempt. Mitsuba hadn't left his side since. Kou practically lived at Mitsuba's house at this point. Mitsuba hadn't brought up the note, but he would have weekly check ins with Kou about his self harm. Kou's been a week clean now.
Whenever Kou went a day or more clean, Mitsuba would come over, and theyd cook together, just like how when Mitsuba was recovering, Kou would show up to Mitsuba's house and make him food.
Whenever Kou would relapse, Mitsuba would hold and comfort him, reassuring Kou that he was still proud and not disappointed.

Kou slowly pulled away from Mitsuba, making the taller whine. Kou laughed, before his smile fell and he took a deep breath.
Kou grabbed onto Mitsuba's hands, and smiled, "...M-Mitsuba, if you wouldn't mind... w-would you do me the pleasure of being my boyfriend? I-If not, its okay, i-"
Mitsuba put a hand over Kou's mouth, cutting him off. He pulled Kou's hands down with his free hand, yanking him down. He smooched Kou's forehead, before moving back to allow Kou to stand back up.
"Of course i-i will, loser. I love you," Mitsuba hugged Kou, who immediately hugged him back, "You make me so happy."
Kou smiled, wiping his eyes before any tears fell. He hugged onto Mitsuba back.
"I love you more."
Mitsuba pulled away, "Wh- No. No you don't! I love you more!!!"
"What? No! I do!!!"
"No!!! You suck!!! I love you more than you love me, dummy!!!"
"Noo!!!! I love you more!!!!"
"Prove it!!!!!"
Kou continued the argument, slowly walking to his house and gesturing for Mitsuba to follow him. Mitsuba held onto his hand firmly, a smile on his face as he continued the argument. The two continued bickering on the walk to Kou's house.
The argument ended with Kou kissing Mitsuba, which made him too flustered to continue arguing. The two didn't let go of the other's hand until they sat down on Kou's bed to watch a movie.
Mitsuba and Kou cuddled into eachother, both of them smiling like idiots.
Halfway through the movie, Mitsuba fell asleep on Kou's shoulder, making the other smile. He ran his hands through his pink hair. He didn't know how he deserved someone like Mitsuba, but today, he didn't want to question it. He did deserve Mitsuba, and Mitsuba deserved Kou.
Kou paused the movie, laying Mitsuba down and laying beside him, throwing the covers over them. Mitsuba subconsciously cuddled into Kou, making Kou smile, as he held onto the taller boy, drifting to sleep.
Happy. Kou was finally happy.