Wrong Number Au (SpiderFrost)

Sometimes I wish I were normal *sigh*

Note: My mind is the least creative atomic build-up of white and gray matter. With nerve cells and non-neuronal cells. So excuse the most horrible plot this story has.

Turns out S.H.I.E.l.D somehow made it so Tony Stark (read: Tiny Stank) and THE Bruce Banner (*squeal*) goes school to look for an intern. Now it's all up to me to make sure I get noticed so I can complete this mission. *Sigh* sometimes I wish I were normal and not a super-human top level high school S.H.I.E.L.D agent but, I might be able to meet THE Bruce Banner!! Hey I wonder what Mr. or Ms. Number neighbor is doing right now.

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Peter: Hello Mr./Ms./Mx. Number neighbor, what are you doing on this fine day?

Loki: I was hoping you forgot about me. Also it is Mr. today child.

Peter: Okay! Tell me if it changes, and how do you know I am a child are you a stalker or a pedo? *Le gasp* Are you going to kidnap me. I'll have to warn you my last 65 kidnappers didn't make it alive.

Loki: Really?

Peter: No I was just kidding!

Loki: So you have not been truly abducted 65 times.

Peter: Oh no I have been kidnapped 65 times, I was kidding about the dead part.

Loki: whAT!?

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This mortal child has been kidnapped over 50 times, yet is still breathing. They must have a mastery of some type of fighting style.

''Natasha'' I call out from the couch. ''What?'' She says from across me putting a pause to her and Clint's conversation. ''Is it possible for a child to be kidnapped 65 times without dying?'' ''Who did you kidnap Reindeer Games?'' ''No one Stark, I was merely curious.'' ''Well it isn't normal for a kid to even be kidnapped that much, but I don't know maybe?'' She says uncertainly. ''I thought you were all knowing.''I deadpan.  ''And who said that?'' She asked. ''My oaf of a brother.'' ''Don't listen to him he probably only said that because I made him toasted poptarts''  Right when I was going to respond I got a notification from the tiny midguardian device. 

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Peter: So what should I call you?

Loki: Snake.

Peter: Snek?

Loki: No Snake.

Peter: Snek.

Loki: SNAKE!

Peter: Snek?

Peter has changed 209-498-8457  to Snek

Snek: Fine then two can play at that game.

Snek has changed 209-739-5528 to Small Harmless Child

Small Harmless Child: I am NOT harmless! My enemies quiver beneath my feet!

Snek: Sureeeee 

Snek: My friends are in need of me I need to go.

Small Harmless Child: Okay bye Mr. Snek!

Snek: Bye mortal defenseless child.

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''So Loki, wanna tell me why you've been on your phone so much?'' Clint asked then did a weird squiggly thing with his eyebrows while saying, ''Or is it a little lady or man, I don't judge.'' ''No it is merely a child who accidentally messaged me.'' I say. ''Oh brother don't talk like you aren't much older!'' Thor boomed when he walked into the room with his poptarts. ''What do you mean Thor?'' Steve questioned ''My brother here is a mere 17 in midgaurdian years. ''Woah! Are you saying Reindeer Games is a teen!? Which means he would be 11! when he tried to take over New York. WHAT!?'' (I know that is weird but I set this in IW time which is 2018 and the New York shizz was in 2012 which at this time was 6 years ago. 17 minus 6 equals 11 so there.) ''I'm leaving'' I state while getting up.

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So guess what! I'm on a mission while preparing for a mission. I swear this is child labor. I thought while not so innocently snapping people's necks, but hey can you blame me! These are HYDRA agents they deserve to be dead.Even more than, than, than, those PSA's. *insert high pitched horror movie scream* I always wonder what was going through that mans mind, like what was he thinking I want to torture some kids so I'll make some PSA's about hygiene, sex ed, and other things! 

I should hurry up I have school tomorrow, and a meet up with THE Bruce Banner! Ned is going to freak!