Stay Before I Go

Chapter 1: Last words

As I got out the car I grabbed my cat named Midnight then sat on the front porch while petting him. "I love you." I said quietly then placed him on the front porch and got up to get my suit case that was next to my car. I placed the suit cases on the back of the trunk then closed it. I sighed and waved bye at midnight. I got into the car and turned on the car with the keys.

As I started the car and drove off, I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and placed one on my soft lips, then I light up my cigarette and took a big inhale,filling my lungs with nicotine. After a big puff I exhaled the nicotine out of my lungs, letting the smoke go out in the open. I turned on the radio and kept smoking the cigarette I had on my lips.

Then I arrived to my destination. I got out the car and got my purse and suitcase. I locked the car and walked towards the big green trees that led to a big dark brown cabin. The cabin was surrounded by trees and grass. Then I heard my grandparents yell out the window from the cabin "Alaska!" I sighed and rolled my eyes then turned my face into a happy fake smile. She ran towards me and hugged me.

"Look how much you grew!" She said loudly while smiling at me. I smiled back and hugged her. I sighed and said "It would've been better if mom was here, right?" Then walked away from her, leaving her speechless. My mom committed suicide a week ago,in front of me. She shot herself in the head while we were watching tv. She just randomly grabbed the gun and shot herself. The living room was filled with her blood. My dad was shocked. He was there too. But not for long, the next day he left without a trace or word. No one knows why she committed.

I walked towards my grandpa and hugged him. "Hello darling, how are you?" He asked while hugging me softly. I replied "Wonderful." While smiling at him. I don't want them to know I'm still traumatized by my mom's suicide. I know it would hurt them mentally. He nodded and said "Please come in and let me get that suitcase for you."

I nodded and said "sure." Then gave him the black heavy suitcase. He walked in and said "Make yourself at home."  He placed my suit case next to the door, letting me inside. I walked in and let out a small breath then looked around the house. "I like your house grandpa. Mom was right, it looks like a fairytales house instead it's not colorful outside but in the inside." I said while walking around the living room and kitchen. He chuckled and said "You and your mom were close I see." I nodded and walked around the 3 rooms. The cabin has 1 bathroom and 2 bedrooms. A guest room and my grandparents room.

He placed my suitcase in my room. (The guest room.) Then said "I will let you unpack okay?" I nodded slowly and looked around the room. He closed the door after he left the room. Once he closed it, I sat on my bed and grabbed a picture of my mom that was in my small purse. I didn't cry. I looked at her face, while her last words kept repeating in my head. "Is it your fault?" She asked then shot her self before I could answer.

Is it my fault? What did I do to make her commit suicide? Once I looked away from the picture I couldn't hear her last words. Whenever I looked at her face, I could hear her. I always question myself after she committed suicide. I threw her picture in my purse and closed it after getting my cigarettes. I threw my purse across the room and started unpacking. After I finished unpacking I noticed my grandparents weren't home so I got my phone,earbuds,lighter, and my pack of cigarettes then I left the cabin.

I walked away the cabin without looking back. I placed my ear buds on my ears and turned up the volume. The wind blew away my hair from my face. The wind stopped blowing once I arrived under the small bridge. I went towards a log and sat on it then I pulled out a cigarette from the box of cigarettes and placed it on my lips. I light it up and took a bug puff then I closed my eyes. Then I let out the smoke of nicotine from my mouth.

Smoking was my stress reliever, so are drugs. I don't do them to have fun. I do it to forget and die slowly. I took another puff from the cigarette and let out the smoke that was trapped in my lungs to my mouth then out to the world. It's like giving birth to smoke. You inhale it. You put it in. Let the smoke inside your mouth and lungs. Then out your mouth. I sighed once my phone started ringing. Turns out I've been under the bridge for 28 minutes.