Stay Before I Go

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Life
Goes
On,
No
Matter
What.

Gun shot by gun shot.
After Alaska's death I've never felt more hyper sexual in my life.
I've never fell into depression until now,
But then my father dragged me out of the black hole.
I started using alcohol and sex to forget about her.
But it's never works, I can never forget about her.
I try dating other woman but they never work out

Because they aren't like her.
They aren't her.

It's my fault she's gone.
I was the problem.
I was always the problem.
I am now 27 years old,
Alaska would've been 21 by now
And my child would've have turned 3 now.

Im a fucking mess myself.
I still work for the gang till this day,
I've gotten more violent each day.
I kill, ship, make deals, have meetings, drink, sniff, inject, sex, lots of sex, and pass out.

Jane says that I've gotten worst than before.
I don't believe her.
This is how I cope.
Why should I give a shit of people's opinions?
They've never went through shit that I went though.
Everyone is fucking clueless.
The only person who knows the pain I went through,
Is Alaska.

But now she's gone.
I made her disappear.
I took my anger out on her.
She saw the true me.
The violent me.
I could remember everything that happened that night.
She was leaving me and I got angry,
I found out who the guy was once she passed away.
Guess who killed him.
Me.
I did.
It's his fault.

He provoked me.
If he hadn't have gotten with her
None of this would've happened.
I promise you that.
Once I attended to Alaska's funeral,
I saw him.
He was standing there and talking in front of everyone who was in the funeral.
Turns out that she was going on a date with him
But she didn't get to go.
He said when he found out
His heart shattered into pieces.
Then he said,
"She promised me she would have my babies,
She was the love of my life.
My first love."

Now, anger took over me.
Before I even attended the funeral,
I drank a couple of beers.
I pulled out my gun and shot him,
In cold blood.
Blood splattered all over the funeral flowers,
I aimed for the head.
For his mouth.
God was he annoying.
Someone needed to shut him up.
He kept saying lies, I hate lies
More than anything.

People began to scream and gun, hide for shelter.
Pathetic.
I rolled my eyes and put away my gun
Then left the funeral before police came to question
Since someone called the police.
Jane was disappointed again.
I didn't give a single fuck though.
Not my fault he had a big dirty mouth.

Fucking big fat liar.

I wish he died instead.
I wish I ran him over instead.
But it's okay now because
I killed him.

You're welcome, Alaska.
I know you hate liars.

You don't hate me right?