Stay Before I Go

Chapter 12: Alone

I woke up,still at the hospital. I heard someone knock on the door. "Come in." I said out loud. The door opened and it was my grandparents. "The doctor said you can go home." My grandma said while smiling. I would never forgive her after what she had done to me.

Eventually, they brought me my clothes for me to change in, I got up and went to the bathroom to change. After I changed we went home. When we got to the cabin, I noticed that the house looked messier. They are always tidy. I went straight to my room and pulled out a cigarette. I placed it on my soft lips and lighten it up, smoke started coming out from the cigarette. I took a big inhale and exhaled outside of the window. When I closed my eyes, I could see myself naked on the hospital bed,crying.

I hated seeing myself like that. I opened my eyes and took another inhale. As I exhaled, I felt like I wanted to die. Everything I touch is poison. I made my mom commit suicide and my step sister get kidnapped. It's all my fault, everything is. As I was smoking, I felt tears fall, uncontrollably.

I felt my face turn red and my throat close, my heart dropped. I closed my eyes again and saw Rosie,smiling at me. She was happy. I loved her smile. She was my everything. She was only 8 yet she died so young. I ruined her life. She took out a small flower from her pocket and smiled at me while handing it out to me. I wanted to hug her, hold her in my arms one last time.

"I love you." I told Rosie. She smiled and me and said "I love you too." Before jumping into my arms, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back tightly, not wanting to let go of her. I felt tears come down my face. She stopped hugging me and looked at me "Don't cry,I'm here." She said while smiling at me. I promised that I'll always look out for her. "Im sorry i let you down Rosie." I said in a soft voice before I started crying again. She lifted up my head and said "You didn't let me down, you never did. Don't blame yourself for something you didn't do."

I felt tears run and run like if they are dying. "Im sorry. Im so sorry. It's my fault." I said while crying and looking into her green hazel eyes. She always had a smile on her face, she was strong. "It was never your fault." She said while looking into my eyes. Then I felt my eyes close again and I opened them and saw Rosie. She was getting stripped in front of 3 guys who were on there 30s. She was crying, she was uncomfortable and scared.

I put my hand over my mouth and cried, uncontrollably. They touched her, took turns, punched her, and slapped her. She kept crying, her screams traumatized me the most. I wanted to help her,but I couldn't. I couldn't stop crying, I wanted to close my eyes but it didn't let me close my eyes. After they finished, they threw her in the River, she was unconscious. After seeing her death, I opened my eyes and saw Rosie in front of me smiling.

I hugged her and said "I'm sorry." She hugged me back and said "It's okay! I forgive you." Then I opened my eyes and i was in my room. I would do anything to bring her back alive. She deserved better. She was happy until i came. I threw the cigarette out the window and grabbed my phone. I wanted the pain to go away already. I'm tired.

Im so tired. Mascara running down my face, my nose was runny. I want it to go away! I can feel my eyes start to get swollen. I'm just a worthless prostitute. A poison, who ever I love I loose. I don't deserve love. I wanted myself to be gone at that point. It should've been me who got kidnapped and raped,not her. Because she was young and had a lot to live for. But I didn't, I was worthless. How come someone worthless as me can live? How come a beautiful young girl Can die at a young age for no reason?

I texted my dealer and told him I wanted something strong. I wanted to disappear,be gone. I wanted to be alone for now. I was always alone. Once he got here, I went outside and saw him. When I got closer, his face turned to concerned about me. He looked at me and said "Yo you okay Alaska?" I looked at him with my dark eye bags and mascara around my face from the tears. "What does it look like Mike?" I asked him with a emotionless face. He shook his head and gave me the zip bag. I gave him the money and he drove off into the darkness.