Stay Before I Go

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Life
Never
Ended.

Beep, beep, beep, after beep.
It's an annoying but calming noise
That keeps my heart beeping with it.
I inhale and exhale, slowly.
Was I alive?
Or was I in heaven?
I felt as if I was trapped in a dark room,
With only a beeping sound.

People say life flashed before your eyes
And it's true.
All I could remember from that day was fear,
Fear was climbing into my spine.
I ran, ran, and ran from him.
I tried finding happiness but I never found happiness after all.
I felt sadness after I was stopped from running away. Why wouldn't I find happiness in the end?
Was I not worth it?
Am I not enough?
I just wanted to be with the guy I fell in love with.
Obviously it didn't end up like how I wanted it to be.

But I knew it wasn't my fault,
Ace was just selfish.
Jealous.
But he lost control of his emotions,
And ran me over.
All I felt was pressured on my body,
Then I felt my body collapsed into pain.
The kind of pain I've never felt before,
I knew it was going to end.

I thought it was going to end, but I was wrong.
It turns out that i came back to life.
People call it a miracle.
But I didn't want to be alive.
I never wanted to be alive,
Never wanted to be born.
Never want to live anymore.

Until I found out that my baby survived somehow.
Maybe that's why people call it a miracle.
Because the baby survived,
Not me .
The baby.
My baby.
My daughter.
I woke up, she was crying.
I couldn't believe that she was alive.
It felt as if I was in heaven with her.
I felt the nurse place her soft body on my arms,
I cried tears of joy.
I have someone who can make everything better,
Make the pain go away Hope.
Please.

I named her Hope because when I found out she survived,
I saw pure Hope in her eyes when I had her in my arms.
My skin against her skin,
She giggled when I tickled her.
When she smiled, all I saw was
Pure happiness and joy.
None of this felt real.
It felt too good to be true.
But it was real.
It wasn't a dream.
It was reality.

I was happy that she was happy,
Thats all that mattered to me.
Her happiness lighten me.
It lighten the whole room, just by
One smile.
It was only me and her, only.
Together forever.
The spot light was on me and her.

I watched her grow for years, I've seen her grow for 3 years.
God she's gotten big these years.
She has dark brown hair like her father,
I hated that.
She has hazel eyes just like my step sister,
She's so beautiful.
I did a great fucking job making her.
She had these huge eyes that looked animated,
Those chubby cheeks that looked like marshmallows.
I just wanted to squeeze them until she giggled.
Did I mention that she has curly hair?
Those curls are so darn beautiful on her.
She's my baby.
No one else's.
No one.

Whenever I dropped her off at daycare, I noticed of how lonely I was now.
I was now alone.
No one to smile,
Laugh,
Kiss,
Snuggle with,
And even cry to someone.

What hurt me was that she asked
"Why does everyone have a dad and I don't?"
I always responded to "because you're special."
I hated seeing her notice that other kids
Had dad's and mom's.
I felt bad for her, She probably felt left out.
The only reason why I wanted Ace back was to meet his daughter even if I didn't like him
She had the right to
Meet him.
Her father.
Ace Gonzalez.

—Alaska Stone