Shards

chapter 5

Chapter 5:

“No, they happened. I'm sure of it. I can practically see the broken pieces of my mind. And when I saw Ian I knew for sure that what I was seeing was real.”

The doctor now looked even more troubled than before.

“They said that we all have one.” He was caught up in his own musing.

For a second, I was slightly annoyed. What was he doing worrying about himself when I was in this type of predicament? Knowing that I had to get myself under control, I squeezed the sides of my bed. I couldn't let myself do what I'd done the night before, ever again. Maybe I could use whatever doubts James was having to get him back on my side. Right now, he was my only ally. Or maybe I could just stop being so damn self centred. I didn't say anything. Right now what I needed to do was listen.

“They always told me that we all have one patient we get to attached too. I never thought it would happen to me. I always thought I could stay objective, guess I was wrong. Now look at me, spilling my guts to you like you're my psychiatrist.”

“Well look on the bright side,” I said, smiling, “at least you can remember your name.”

It was the absolute worst thing I could have said. I was making it sound like I didn't care that he cared. However, it didn't seem to matter. Instead, the doctor smiled and sat down on my bed next to me.

“I guess you're right. I should be counting my blessings.”

I tried to smile back at him and my lips twitched a little. He wouldn't let anything happen to me, I knew it.

“Ian was real, I know it. He told me that my name was Jaylee.”

“Did he give you a last one?” he asked. “It'll make the search much easier.”

I shook my head, deep in thought. Ian had said nothing other than Jaylee, but the last name was still on the tip of my tongue. I tried to focus on the dream from which I'd just awoke. As I stared off into space, I could practically feel the shape of the white chair behind me.

“Rechard,” I whispered. That was good, I was starting to remember my dreams. “R-e-c-h-a-r-d.”

I had no idea how I knew that. James handed me a piece of paper and I scribbled the full thing down. Trying to keep my hand from shaking, I passed him the paper. Finally, it felt like I was taking control of my own life.

“I'm going to keep calling you Jane, if you don't mind.” Doctor Jamison's words took my surprise.

Having no actual objections, I simply raised an eyebrow.

“I want you to stay objective,” he explained, “if you start believing that you're one of the names, then the others go out of the picture. If I keep calling you Jane then nothing is out of the question.”

I almost laughed, that was exactly what I'd thought the day before.