Shards

chapter 36

Chapter 36:

My twelfth year was fairly uneventful, except for the realization involving our proximity to the coast. Ian and Julian both spent some time out of the Compound. On the day where Ian was to return, I got it in my head that we had to do something to welcome him. As a joke Audrey asked if we were going to get him fireworks and a parade. I laughed at first but the idea hit home with me. Fireworks. He'd hear them, and hopefully even get the chance to look out the window.

We just needed to snag some flares and set them off on the roof, or out a window. Of course there was no way we could spell out welcome back Ian, but he'd hopefully get the message anyway. Out of all the slightly ridiculous schemes I cooked up as a twelve-year-old, Ian's fireworks had the best result. The plan worked flawlessly, and people were talking about it for months after.

I also remembered a particularly unpleasant training exercise where we'd been told to kill a group of young children who had failed the initial evaluation. It was a test, to see if we would kill, so that we would not hesitate when faced with real danger out in the field. Obviously, we objected loudly, trying our best to save the children. They gassed us, and shot the children anyway; leaving us to wake up in a dark room full children's bodies.

My thirteenth year was the peak of my success, though I was forced to kill another guard. There had been no other option, his gun had been to Audrey's head. The string of brilliant escape attempts ended when we decided it would be better to build up some trust, and get some more freedoms around the Compound.

It was during this period where our group began to explore things such as relationships. We couldn't just feel the way we felt anymore. There had to be labels for it. Kyle and Audrey dated for four months, and although seeing them together like that made my thirteen year old self uncomfortable, it was through it that Dale and Julian truly became friends. Their mutual need to destroy the couple was what drew them together. Julian, at the end, no longer cared. He'd found a girl of his own, who he made sure to keep as far away from us as he could. Looking back on it, I realized how absolutely oblivious I'd been to the tension building between Dale and Kyle, while he and Audrey were romantically involved.

Excited over the idea of have a boyfriend, Audrey would constantly bother me about Ian. I was slightly confused, but not at all embarrassed. The four others even ganged up, forcing us to kiss. In Audrey's words; to see if we'd feel anything. I was not quite sure what she meant, and when I touched lips with my best friend, I felt nothing different. The feeling was mutual. Nothing came of my first kiss, and after that the others left us alone.

This peaceful period was brought to a close when Nadia arrived in the Compound. After the way I'd acted during my posting as a greeter, all the trust I'd managed to build was shattered. When she died it hit me hard, harder than Desmen's death had. I'd felt responsible for her. In the weeks that followed I thought I'd hit rock bottom. How wrong I'd been. My rock bottom was later, on the floor of the showers, trying desperately to find the strength to move forward.

Even before it happened I hadn't gotten along with Earin and Lukas. They were the kings of the robots, everything I didn't want to be. While Earin thrived in the outside world, his younger brother had began to fall apart. He spent more and more time in the Compound, becoming an instructor. But he wasn't right. He drank; Julian told us about the alcohol he smuggled in. Kyle even suggested using it as blackmail.

There was also talk of a female guard who was found dead in her home. This was nothing new. Every once in a while there was a story of a guard who tried to quit or expose the Compound for what it was. It was a warning to us as much as the other employes. If they'd do that to each other, what were the chances of them showing us any mercy?