Half a Heart [H.S.]

Absence

February 10th, 2014
Zürich, Switzerland

If you had asked me when was the happiest or most excited I've seen Cara, this moment would not have come to mind until now.

The smile was permanent on my face and I felt my heart soar at her bright smile, even if the ache and constant reminded of what I'm really missing not being here or giving me something to think about was getting in the way of my thoughts.

My phone hasn't made a sound once and I felt guilty about not sending Harry a simple text saying good morning or something. I should feel fine because it's not exactly fun sending texts without receiving, but this is just me being unnecessarily petty.

It was already too late for me to send a text because it was night time and he would know that I only waited this long just to realize he wasn't going to text me regardless of if I texted him first.

I just had to accept the fact that he's really busy and he can't get away to simply text me. I understand that. I do, I swear.

But how much effort does it take to send your girlfriend 'Hey' in the morning and just leave it at that? It takes two seconds. I'm sure he's on his phone when he goes to pee or something. He can take two minutes to speak to his girlfriend if he really wanted to.

That's where the real problem comes in.

What if he didn't want to?

I pass the blame onto myself, expecting that my text being absent is the reasoning behind him not texting. But I text him every. Single. Day. Not once in the past days has he sent one back. I've gotten two calls that were very rushed and no talking was even involved, I could barely hear him over the loud noise that was happening both times.

I had so many thoughts coming into mind: Reasons why he wasn't talking to me like he used to, ways I believe he would end what we have, and so much more that if I even think about it I'll start hyperventilating.

I can't even say I'm hiding my worry very well because before we got to the venue, Cara made it very obvious she noticed my distant behavior and cornered me into telling her why I was acting like this.

I lock my car once we both get out, smiling slightly at Cara who looks like she's about to get a new dog after her mum said 'no' a thousand of times before finally caving in after multiple whines. Her strides were long and fast and I had to move quick to catch up to her.

My hand digs into my pockets before I could stop. myself and I check my phone for the hundredth time, expecting the heart racing name to pop up once or twice, but see nothing but the owner of that name on my home screen wallpaper.

I found myself walking blindly while staring at Harry's face as the picture version of him looks down at me with such loving eyes. I could almost feel the affection radiating off of him from that day.

It was the day of the premiere and we had been goofing around before getting ready. I hate to say I forgot who had taken it, but it was a in the moment photo.

I was just in his t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts, he was wearing sweatpants and no shirt. His hair was a mess and I can tell this was literally taken right when we woke up.

He held me close to him by the hips, my back arching as I was moving away from him. He was tickling me and I was almost in tears at the action. My laughter could be heard through the phone and his smile was so bright I longed to see him so happy by my side again. I missed him so much.

"Okay..you've been sulking all day. What's wrong? Why are you looking at that photo for so long?"

I couldn't even tell Cara before the security guard interrupted us and brought us backstage where James had already called us in for. She still had the worried look but it was literally wiped away when the huggable man approached us.