Before my last breath

Mirror 🌑

As soon as I had slammed the front door I realised what I had done. Footsteps were coming up the steps, I was just really hoping that it was my older sister and not my mum. My mum always makes a fuss about me when I am sad. My bedroom door starts to open and I glance over to see the jeans that I just bought, were sprawled over my bed. FUCK!

"Hey baby, is everything okie?"

Great it was my mum

"Yeh mum I am fine, no need to come in." Lordy, please stay out

"I always know when my little pea is upset."

No, no, no. There was no time to hide the evidence. My only choice was to make up an excuse.

"Umm don't worry I am fine, it was umm the wind that slammed the door, not me. Also I am...uhhh..getting changed so stay out thanks..." Hopefully that did the trick. I listen to her reply

"Little pea I gave birth to you, I don't mind you changing."

"Ummm.. please a little privacy."

"Sorry, I am coming in..."

"But..but." God did the women have no sense of privacy. Can't she go mind her own business somewhere else.

I glance at the jeans hoping that they would have disappeared or grown legs and walked away, but no the skinny waist tight jeans were still, there. Lying in the middle of my bed.

"Darling, what are those?"

"They are... ummm jeans."

"Well duh I do have eyes."

God so much attitude from one mum, god 🙄 

"Okie sorry they are skinny waist tight jeans. Better!"

"Okie umm... darling as much as you have to appreciate your body those jeans are a little too small for you."

Great. The fact I knew that she would bring that up is just fucked but I had an excuse.

"They are not mine. I umm bought them for May. She needed some but had no time to buy them."

"Aww such a good friend, I hope she is as good friend back?"

"Yeh don't worry she is." Honestly , thinking about it, me and May have not spoken since we have broken up from school, which was 2 weeks ago. For us that is quite along time.

"Okie I will leave you in peace. Say hi to May for me."

"Yeh, sure.."

The door closes behind me and I drop down in my bed. I stare at myself in the mirror. I was in such bad shape. It pained my yes to look for any longer. I turn my head away from the mirror and pick up the jeans. I then throw them to the back of my wardrobe and shuts the door. The more I looked at the jeans the more hungry I got.  

That's when the idea came to me. Hunger. Hunger was the case of fatness. I just needed to stop eating and that was the key to loosening weight. I know that it's not the healthiest of ways but it seems like it's the only choice that I have.

I stare back at the mirror. God, I wanna kill myself. I roll my tracksuits down revealing my stomach. I felt sick. I stumble over to my desk and pick out a tape measure. I then unravel it and wrap it around my waist. I then take a look at the number. I compare it the the number I have written in my hands (the waist length of the jeans). It's larger by almost double. But the word almost takes me by surprise. My waist wasn't double the size. It was almost, but not quite. A warm fire ignites in the pit of my stomach. I know it's not that big of a difference but it was a little, and that's all that mattered right then in that moment...