A Journey of One

Recent Frustrations

Early October 2020

Goodness, why am I even outside? I should be at home trying to get some sleep. The keyword there is trying.

The past couple of days have been relentless. I haven't been able to sleep correctly with my storm-like mind—it's most unforgiving at night when I'm alone with my thoughts. It's getting annoying at this point, and I feel like I'm slowly going crazy. 

Who am I kidding?

 I'm already crazy.

I know I'm in the wrong place mentally, but I didn't think it would be this bad. I guess what really fueled it was everything going wrong. Two of my animations projects got deleted. My placements in races have been good but not good enough. The coffee maker broke, and I took a day and a half to get a new one and so many other things. 

Can't I have a day where things go right?

I just want to go home and hide in my room for the next couple of days. Probably sleep too if my mind would let me.

Hmmm, sleep

Such a good thing...

It would be good if I just...

"Hunter!" A voice shouts at me. I quickly shot up in my sitting position and looked around. I forgot where I was for a bit. I looked in front of me to seeing Noah Gragson sitting across from me.

A little bit of back story.

I met Noah back in 2018 when he used to drive for Kyle Busch in the Truck series. I was just being an idiot and walking around the infield when he approached me. He called out and asked what a Cup Series driver was doing in the garage area during this time. I mean, he did have a point, but what he doesn't know won't kill him.

I knew the next thing he was in my father's office to sign him for JR Motorsports. That's when our friendship really started the blossom. I began to sub in for his crew chief every so often for him and the team. To say he liked having me on his team was an understatement. I was one of the only ones to keep level-headed as well as share some advice.

If I'm honest, all the drivers look for my advice, being the only female driver with an Xfinity championship.

So right now, I'm embarrassed that he is seeing me like this. My sleep-deprived self was trying to stay awake for as long as I can.

"What, you staying up late to play video games again?" He smirks. Him and his video games. I can't blame him though, I'm the same way.

"No, just stuff, I guess," I say.

"Oh yeah? What stuff?" He presses on while drinking his coffee.

"Stuff nothing else." I keep my answers short, not wanting to get into it.

"Come on, tell me!" Noah, I swear...

"It's just stuff, Noah. Drop it, please!" I snap. Uh oh, wrong move. He doesn't say anything, so I just take out my phone to check for messages. The same old same old stuff of people liking my art and  so called "fans"criticizing me for not doing better in the playoffs. What else is new.

"Hey." I hear him say. I look up to meet with a slightly worried look. He usually never pulls that look." You're not hiding anything, are you?" He asked. Okay, time to play "that" card.

"No, I'm not hiding anything, I swear. What a crazy thing to say." Maybe I played that card a little too much. Now, he is going to get suspicious. I avoid eye contact with him for the next few moments to maybe tone down the mood. You can just feel the awkwardness in the room, well, more like the table.