The girl in the cardigan

College, work, paying the bills, it's so much, and life is so short.

I repeatedly opened and closed my eyes and focused on the book.
But before, I watched a TV show. I had been interested in the circus in my city.
I think because there, the clown was sad, and I agreed with that.
Besides, for those with an attacked mind, being distracted is a great remedy.
There were vacancies, but I was still thinking.
Because I had to leave home, and I was stinking and anorexic.
I don't think anyone would hire me in that condition, but it was a way for me to have money and pay for the house, so as not to be evicted.
As long as I would make money out of sadness ...
"On November 11, Lowboy ran to catch a train. There were people on the way, but he was careful to turn around. He walked up the corrugated yellow ramp to the platform without taking his eyes off the train cabin, ordering them to wait. The doors they were already closed, but they kicked open.
That turned out to be a signal. Lowboy got on board and laughed.
There were signs and notices everywhere.
The floor trembled and vibrated, and the brick arches reverberated with the crowd's buzz on their copper and aluminum blades.
All the seats in the car were occupied. Two musical notes resounded at the closing of the doors: first a sharp C, then one there, sharp as the tip of a pencil. He turned and pressed his face against the glass. "
- What are you reading? - Someone asked. I sucked in the air and jumped.
- What are you doing here?
- I asked throwing John Wray's book.
- Calm.
- Calm how?
- Is it "tributaries of the Silent River"?
- Get out of here!
- I came to get you.
- Why?
- I want you to breathe new air.
- No.
Samuel approached me and slid a hand over my face, wrinkling his nose into the darkness and mess that was in my house.
"I called your mother," he told me, and he looked concerned, "and I asked for your home address."
Before I got the number from her friend.
It was difficult and could give me a discount.
I frowned and stepped back. I swallowed a dry one and grabbed my medicines by taking some with a glass of water.
I was addicted. Go out to where? I lived in Rila.
Near the Monastery of San Ivan. One of the largest and best known Eastern Orthodox monastery in Bulgaria.
And where? I didn't want to leave.
- Leave those medicines. I turned and gnashed my teeth and faced him. I think he got a fright because he stepped back.
- These remedies prevent me from having repeated…
- There were clinics ...
- No!
- Why?
- I will be called more crazy and there is no way for me.
- There is always a solution. But I looked at him and thought how brave he was.
Samuel was where everyone had fled. I admitted that he was standing there, it did me good.
For a moment. It looked like clouds. What a wonderful feeling.
Samuel gave a smile that was too beautiful not to praise.
- I don't know
- I said thoughtfully and putting the medicines under the coffee table
- I haven't had company in a while.
Samuel was dark with a little dark skin and marks on his face. Acnes. He had brown eyes.
“You know, I saw a darkness so intense that it was agonizing and I looked at him seeing a glimpse that something in me said that I was going to smile. It was true, for me to smile and even though the house had gone out, for the first time after so long I saw a little color decorating my life. ”
Suddenly, Samuel realizing my vulnerability, wrapped me in a hug.
I was shaking with that, and I was embarrassed until I completed it.
I had left that involvement, perhaps, because Samuel did all that to visit me and take me for a walk.
- Do you want to go where or do I choose? He asked, leaning his chin under the top of my head.
I moved my eyes down my eyelids.
- Samuel, won't you be ashamed of me?
- I asked not looking into your eyes, even though I was being forced.
- Ashamed of what, Latrense?
- An alcoholic, drugged and unsuccessful?
- Don't be mean to yourself.
- But I deserve it.
- You're doing this to you.
People find reasons to think that they "deserve" to put that aside and fight for themselves.
I almost cried there. How did Samuel have the courage to hug me? I hadn't even showered.
He didn't care. I thought I could have done this before; hug him.
- Are you - I looked into your eyes deepening - reading a bumper phrase?
We laugh.
"It came to my mind," he replied with a sincere smile.
But I don't think I was going to leave. I was in terrible shape.
The windows were locked with a dim light illuminating the house.
Some of the straw furniture - those in the kitchen - were there without being touched for days.
- I will think.
- I heard…
- Samuel pursed his lips - that Sabrina left you. I looked down for a second with sadness.
- It's not new.
- Why?
- I'm done. I was famous, promising, an actress who wrote bestseller and now, I'm just dust.
- Never thought of going to hospital? - Rarely.
- Then?
- But.
- Do not say that.
- I'm not going out. Samuel took a breath and looked at me.
- Why? I pulled away and looked at the gloom then his eyes.
- I don't want to see happy people. I will torture myself by remembering that I was just like that.
- But…
- I'm not going, Samuel.
- Let me help you, Latrense.
- Thank you, but what should I expect from my life if not what I am feeling?
- People get over it. I walked, and the floor reverberated. I sat on the couch, turned on the TV and stretched out my legs grabbing my pills.
- I'm fine in that emptiness and in my world, thanks for trying to get me out of here.
He's a gentleman, ”I said, and the tone came out so depressing. Samuel shook his head furiously.
- I will, but I will not give up on you? Do you want me to believe? He stomped off leads and opened the door.
The sunlight made me burn and I screamed like Dracula would.
The door closed and the silence spread.
It was my life.