The girl in the cardigan

A chance to find yourself?

I started to get more nervous than I imagined. Things were not so simple.
I was in a strange place with people I didn't know.
I started to curl up on the bench so as not to touch the floor.
If you don't touch the handle 20 times, this trailer explodes.
That voice whispered in my head and I agonized, struggling and babbling.
The trailer was full of accessories that artists used, but it had a lot of space and was noisy and busy.
I had just met the whole group, and they all seemed kind and playful. Some were sleeping.
I mean, most. There were few watching television in the room.
Melody said that later that day, there was going to be a meeting to talk about the next performance and my rehearsals with them would start the next day.
I wanted to go home. I looked at everyone and saw that everyone was distracted and repeat the session next door to try to take some of my agony.
I was overwhelmed and didn't want anyone to die.
A weird variety caught me and thoughts came to make me feel guilty.
My breathing became irregular with a bizarre mind and I desperately rummaged through my bag as I ran to the dorm.
Dizzy, I started to have chills and chest pain. I didn't want to be there anymore, I wanted to go home.
I thought of myself as a very bad person who deserved nothing because of my thoughts.
It was an intense agony. I took the pills, it was more than one that I had to take with the help of water.
I considered in the disturbance the possibility of throwing myself out of the moving trailer. It would be an easier alternative, because I was crazy!
I huddled in the corner of the bunk by squeezing my cardigan and repeating:
- It is not that, it is not that, it is not that.
I filled my hands tightly in the cardigan as I cried in the silence feeling the momentum.
I'm a bad person!
I couldn't take it anymore, but the drugs started to take effect.
I had started therapy with a psychologist, but it didn't work out and things got worse.
But the drugs worked and at that time I lived on them...
I blacked out and when I woke up Joseph had a hand on my shoulder shaking me.
- Hey, Latrense, wake up. - Joseph said, and I was sorry, because the sleep was very good, even more because I didn't have to think.
I opened my eyes confused and sore from the position with the red back.
- What is it, Joseph?
- I asked and he helped me up with a beautiful smile on his face.
- You slept in the corner, but remembering that the bunk was made for that.
I just need to hold on until I can get totally well, I thought.
- Ah ... I was tired. Tired of my mind.
- Were you inspired by someone or something when you wrote those books?
- He asked. There was a good air going around. I smiled, incredibly.
- My mind has always been fertile.
- I read them all. I trapped a gas.
- Truth? - Tomorrow.
A little smile from him filled me with affection.
With billions of readers, I had found it my favorite.
- What did you think of them?
- That you wrote well. I should go back to writing.
- Maybe one day.
Joseph looked at me so amazingly that I looked away because I couldn't bear to look at him.
I sighed and bold hands frame my entire body, rubbing them intensely as I threw myself against the wall.
"I find you attractive," he said, whispering and kissing my neck.
I screamed at that burning contact.
- You think?
- I whispered strangely.
- I think - Joseph slipped his mouth on mine and a contact intensified when my lips were kissed.
I didn't understand whether Joseph really thought that to me.
I was the only one finished in that class, who would need to have a better body and a better appearance.
I would endeavor to leave the plate shaved and gain pounds, to keep more of my face.
His kiss was soft, and it moved gently stroking.
- Me - Joseph impressed me more on the wall and I felt an intensification that made me crazy feeling a fluid that I could not distinguish with the problems disappearing.
I kissed him more warmly and my dry lips were warm.
- Joseph… - I whispered with my hands on his chest - we can't.
He smiled, gave that smile that in a kiss is magical.
- Yes, we can ... - he stopped and looked at me very irritated suddenly - or Samuel won't let me?
I moved my eyebrows and thought the smell of pasta was from the kitchen, but his kiss tasted like that.
I was a stranger.
- Samuel is far away, why do you mention him?
- Yeah - Joseph smiled and grabbed my cardigan throwing me against one of the bunks that shook creak.
A wild stance emerged from that man who, when he pulled off his shirt making the stiff muscles jumped. My lips parted and my confused eyes roamed all over.
Joseph smiled, it was not a normal smile and started crawling on me.
"Joseph, don't," I murmured, gritting my teeth.
The magician slid a hand down my waist and up to my thigh and smiled looking at me.
- Why not?
- How old are you?
- 38.
- Ah ... And you don't care about me?
- What?
- I am the most less developed in this class.
He laughed and took my hand. He gave a kiss, a soft one with a smile in the middle and replied:
- I can't find reasons.
That response made his heart rate accelerate with the wheezing in his chest.
- Do you wanna stay with me? - I asked between gasps of a galaxy.
He had a smile that enchanted me, because I had a good feeling with colors in the world.
- I want to.
- Do you do the same thing with others?
Suddenly, Joseph retracted and muscles contracted.
I felt like a young girl in the heart of the heart.
- Latrense ... - Joseph wavered. I narrowed my eyes.
- Huh?
- I was annoyed. He rubbed the back of his neck.
- For.
The trailer swayed on the road and some motorbikes and cars went by honking, making a high-pitched sound.
- For what?
Joseph was surprised.
- Latrense, didn't you mean women?
I swallowed a dry one. I was so undecided that I didn't care what I should use at the end of the words. I wanted to meet there.
Find me out. Someone knocked on the door and Joseph snarled, and in that instant I realized it was locked. I immediately jumped, looking desperately at him who was slowly, slowly putting on his shirt.
- Why is the door locked? A female voice asked.
Joseph rolled his eyes and went to the corner of the wall, asking me to open the door.
My heart in my mouth made my feet accelerate.
I took the handle, exchanging a smile with him.
Open and immediately one red-haired woman was passing by and Joseph left quickly.
I swallowed, still wanting to swallow what happened that day.
"I forgot your name," I said as she scanned the room as if she expected to find someone.
"I'm Mirela," she replied and turned to me.
There were two bunks on one side and two on the other in a spacious room with a desk, cabinets and a lot of mess.
- Looking for something?
- Why…
- I don't know, I was.
I have to get used to.
"Well, get used to it, the meeting is going to start," she said, walking past me and taking nothing as if she had just left to see something.