The girl in the cardigan

the best opportunities are born out of nowhere

I was in maddening quicksand, being sucked into an abyss and had no idea of ​​a solution.
I felt the depth coming and I couldn't stay there.
I had a lot of problems staying at home, in that house of mine, where I was abandoned.
I had made a decision.
And I was going to continue. I was a 38-year-old woman, wanting to decide whether it was or not.
Undecided whether he preferred another sexual option. when I saw Joseph, I think I felt an attraction and doubts.
I wanted to know who I was, too?
"Are you going out of nowhere?" Samuel was meek, exclaiming.
I sighed.
- It's just that good things happen out of nowhere - I tried to give a heated response.
- No. You can't go.
I walked looking at the flowers with a pain - of course - from leaving the house.
But nobody was going to care. Everything was gone and it is not likely that they will return.
Samuel blew out a long breath. I remember I met him at a festival in Toronto, by chance. I was tired, not in the mind, physically.
I had taken a walk in so much and by coincidence Samuel was in a lemonade stand with his sister who was a saleswoman. I was very thirsty and had several refreshments.
- Hi - he said. Everyone said hi, before we turned into something?
- Hi - I replied smiling - I would like a lemonade...
- Latrense, you can't go - Samuel interrupted me from thinking about the past where we met.
I looked at him confused.
- Why not? What do I have to lose if I go? Samuel started to upset, as if looking for an argument, and that there was something inside him.
"It just won't," he said.
I placed the flowers in an empty vase under the coffee table and arranged the two roses.
- I haven't even told you where I was going.
I went to the kitchen and took the strength to drink water.
Good water came down the dryness of my throat and I turned to Samuel asking:
- And where are you going Latrense? - I will travel the world being the clown of the Melody circus.
- What? - Samuel exclaimed.
I smiled. Smile, really.
- That's what you heard, Samuel.
- And this house?
- I'm going to lose it. I have no money and it is a great opportunity to get out of Bulgaria and maybe start over.
Samuel opened his lips sadly and turned his back for a minute thinking.
I frowned wondering why and when he turned around he said:
"Start over?" He whispered. "It's a good idea. If you want to start over, I support. If that's what you want, I support it too.
But in something, Samuel was sad, but with a smile.
I collapsed inside with the simple words I heard.
- Do you support me? He smiled.
- Yea.
- No one in my family after my career sank supported me.
- But I always supported, remember?
Thinking now, Samuel was always around.
There was something inside, me that made me hug him and a startle from him was clear, but strong arms wrapped around me.

                              ***

The water in the shower falls. Drop, post drop.
Quickly a flood. I jumped down, twisting myself with the cold water from that shower that screamed: "finally!"
"Is it cold?" Samuel shouted from the other side, outside the bathroom.
- Being - I replied feeling a burn on my back mainly, but I didn't get out.
- I should wait to warm up!
- I forgot how to use it!
I heard a giggle and the water smashed.
I sighed removing all that dirt and I felt that I was rediscovering a body.
I ran my hand over my arm and then the other.
The drops slid off my fingers and I ran my palms over my face and slid it into my hair.
I took the shampoo and read how to use it. Don't judge me. Severe depression paralyzes me all my life and forgetting how to live.
I poured a little shampoo liquid from the open lid and returned it to run my hands through my hair, rubbing it in a massage.
- This is good - I said about the bath.
I passed a soap. The things that were in the box were dusty.
My suitcase was packed, I just needed to shower and get dressed.
I anxiously thought about what I was going to have to do in my new profession.
Life on four wheels surrounded by artists and having to perform in several cities, never crossed my mind.
The shampoo lathered my hair like soap on my body.
I cleaned myself up and removed the liquid that was slipped by the water that was taken down the drain.
- I'm done - I warned you in a towel and Samuel blushed in shyness.
- Ah... - Samuel was waiting for me sitting under the armchair of my huge room. - Minutes.
Smile.
"I'm looking forward to it," I said, going behind the screen where my dry clothes and boots were, exuding new air after I put something on.
- I'm glad for your anxiety. I haven't seen you like that in a long time.
Samuel was really there supporting me with a smile that had something else.
- I don't know, it was suddenly.
- Aren't you going to tell your mother?
I put on the underwear and started to run the pants down my legs.
- No, she doesn't care.
Samuel pursed his lips with a sympathetic look.
I open the window, just one. But it was a good start.
The room was stuffy, and I felt like my lungs needed another breath.
- What about the rest of your family? I put on my beautiful cardigan and boots.
- They don't care either.
The towel, another one was on my head, drying my hair.
I left behind the bass drum and the clothes smelled bleach. One pirurta, two pirouettes, bravo! Angry! The music played in my head.

                             ***

I looked at Samuel, who leaned his forehead against the steering wheel.
"I will miss you," he murmured with his eyes closed and opened, leaning over looking at me. "I promise I'll watch it yet.
I was nervous and shivered opening the door.
But I stopped and looked at him, turning to lean over and give him a hug.
"Thank you," I said, and Samuel rested his chin on my shoulder. "I will never forget, no longer that you support me.
The trailer was right there, and the artists were packing up to get on the road.
I turned around and he had a sad and happy look at the same time.
I started to get out of the car with a bag and the suitcase was with Joseph who helped me as soon as we arrived. I closed the door.
I leaned out the window and smiled, before Samuel slowly left the room and I walked away.
"Is it your friend?" Joseph grunted.
I smiled, watching the car disappear.
- I do not know, I think so.
- Hey - two thumbs touched my chin and I shivered and as we stared I felt an intensity of butterflies in my stomach - you will love living with us.
- I guess so.