Into the Dark {l.h. + a.i.} || lashton || BoyxBoy

| f o u r t h |

| f o u r t h |

•••

"I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you."
-Fall Out Boy, 'What A Catch, Donnie'

•••

The sun was starting to set when Luke told me that we should walk back to the hospital.

I asked him why.

He didn't say anything, but I followed him without prompting because I wanted to. Because I was kind of starting to trust him. Because I was kind of starting to like him, in a weird you're-an-angel-and-I'm-dead way.

"Exactly how much do you know about me?" I asked as he led us up and down windy streets filled with dusk-colored air.

"Lots. Not everything." He said concisely.

"What don't you know?"

"Your feelings. Motivations. I know all the things that have happened to you, and I know the things you've said out loud. I know your favorite song is Car Radio by twenty one pilots because you told Michael last week. I know you smoked one time, but you had to stop because you started coughing too much, and you haven't tried since. I know you think you're in love with Michael, because when you came out to him three months ago you planned out a speech in the mirror for two hours wherein you told him that you liked him, but when it came down to actually telling him, you got too freaked out and you never said it. And I know you think he hates you because you're gay, but I also know that's not true. Just FYI."

I felt a little bit collapsed at his words. I also stopped walking.

"Please don't talk to me about Michael." I said quietly, and my voice broke just barely, but Luke seemed to hear it because he paused and turned.

"Does that make you sad?" He asked very innocently. I looked at him, but there was nothing mocking or satirical in his expression--just curiosity and a bit of confusion.

"Yes." I clarified.

"Why?" He asked, and when I shot him a bemused look he just shrugged in an almost-self-conscious way. "I don't have a lot of experience with human emotions. I've never really had cause to be sad, or angry, or in love or whatever. Mostly I'm just mildly annoyed or satisfied."

"Wow." I said. "That sucks."

He just shrugged again.

"So tell me why. About Michael."

I paused and kind of gathered myself together.

"Well, Michael, Calum and I have been friends for a really long time, but Michael and I...well, I love Calum, don't get me wrong, but Michael and I have always been...closer. Calum does sports and stuff, so he's got other good friends, but for Michael and I, we've always only really had each other." I began. Luke was listening intently and drinking a milkshake that had come out of nowhere.

"So when I finally got up the courage to tell him I was gay, I thought he'd be, like...I don't know. Unsurprised. He was the first one I told, and I was really banking in a good reaction. And..." I trailed off, caught up in tarnished memories, because for some reason, I was finding it difficult to recall one of the most pivotal moments of my life.

"Uh--um, it wasn't good. His reaction. He got--confused? Kinda. And he..." I was stuttering, searching to remember and almost failing.

"To be real with you, Ash, I doubt his reaction was that terrible." Luke shrugged, turning and beginning his stride again.