Colors//H.S

"Why did she come back?"

"Life is about using the whole box of crayons." ~RuPaul

***

Do you ever get these times in you're life where everything just stands still?

Where times stops and you get a moment to think about everything in you're life.

You think about all the things you could've done and all the things you should've done. You think about how you should've said this so that this didn't happen.

That's happened to me quite a few times. Where time stops and I can think about what i've done or didn't do.

First it happened when I was abused for the first time and remembered it. Then again when I got my first painting set. Then with what happened with Ian both times.

And now.

*Play Let it all go by RHODES and Birdy*

As soon as the words left her lips, time felt unreal. Everything around me was moving in slow motion or not at all.

The last thing I remember was picking up my purse and Harry calling my name.

The wind blows through my hair as I sit on the rims of LA.

Watching the lights of the city twinkle as the sun goes down. The busy streets noise not reaching me.

I don't know how or when I got here, but I'm glad I did. So much has happened that I just want to feel normal again.

I need to feel normal.

I can hear the faint music coming from the open windows of the car. Filing into my ear drums and calming my mind a bit.

My birth mother showed up at my door. And I ran away.

Probably wasn't the best idea, but can you blame me?

Someone I didn't even know still existed was on my front porch. Someone I dreamed about for my whole life just suddenly appeared.

And not at a time when I really needed her.

I don't know what to do.

A part of me wants to run into her arms like a child should. But the other wants to scream and yell and punish her for leaving me all alone. For making me go through that hell.

I want to know why she gave me up. But I also don't know if I can confront her without having a full on panic attack.

I have all these questions, but I don't want to ask them. I have all these feelings, but I don't want to show them.

A car door slams from behind me in the distance. I don't turn around, having a pretty good idea of who it is.

He sits by me, crossing his legs and looking at me. My eyes stay glued to the busy city before me. One that grew on me.

"Lee.."I hear Harry's faint voice.

"I'm sorry" I apologize, not tearing my gaze away.

"I know" He whispers, placing his hand on mine.

"Why did she come back?" I ask. Not necessarily to him, but just in general.

"I don't know Lee. But you're not going to find the answer up here" he says softly. I nod, my eyes brimming with tears. I turn my head to look at him, his eyes soften when the look in my eyes.

"I know. But I'm not ready to face her yet" I say, a tear slipping down my cheek.

"Hey" He says in a whisper, bringing his hand up and wiping away the tear. I pinch my eyes shut, his strong arms then wrap around me, pulling me into him.