Chapter 4: The capital comfortation.
We’ve arrived at the capital of Lugunica after a long and excruciatingly boring ride. I could have used my left eye’s infinite abilities to teleport to the capital, but then I could not have looked at my kittens sleeping face. She looked so cute while sleeping, I swore to destroy the homeless stupid kid, lie batkentos and that white clothed stickman, regular cornyass. How dare they show up thinking that they can kill anything. “I will show them how inferior they are, how dare they attack my kitten. I will put them in pain just like that loser, Natsuki Subaru.”
The carriage soon stopped outside the royal castle. It was a large building. It could serve as my side mansion once I won the election. I stepped out with that stupid elf girl and cringe clown. The rules were very stupid I aparently needed some lord to sponsor me, the cringe clown is coincidentally the richest lord.
I used my 7th element special magic to look inside the castle from the gate as we walked in when I heard a grating voice hit my ears.
“Move out of the way commoner!”
I immediately recognised that bitch, it was Priskillea Bareyle. I blocked her carriage as she came out incredibly angry in her usual bitchy personality. I used my sharingan on her and put her in a genjutsu, and she just started beating the shit out of that stupid bitch, Al.
I watched in amusement at the spectacle that was unfolding in front of me. That bitch was about to kill her own knight lol. That self proclaimed righteous princess was attacking a disabled man, there was nothing funnier.
Suddenly, my instincts started acting up. Something was wrong. Something in All’s attitude changed, and I can’t really say what. I need to figure out, so I use my left blue eye to check Al’s memories.
‘He died. Priscilla killed him… So he has a similar ability to RBD?’ I pondered. My 5,30,000 IQ brain throbbed in honest thoughts.
“I have no choice, huh?” I muttered in an annoyed tone.
That bitch’s bitch looked at me and drew his sword, thinking he can do something to me, or just to intimidate me. Oh how wrong he is. I’m gonna destroy him.
I stretched my knuckles which made a satisfying ‘crack’ sound. I prepared my chakra to cast my ultimate jutsu and get rid of this pig.
“My ultimate jutsu, 『Eien no Kurai Jigen, Hadesu no Kinko』” I said in a calm and composed voice.
Reality began to waver and a hole appeared through the time-space continuum. The Ruler of Hell, Hades, stepped out as his hands wrapped around Aldebaraan and pulled his soul and body into the absolute deepest place of Brazil, forever imprisoning him in the vault at the bottom of an enormous lava lake.
Suddenly, I heard a mechanical voice in my head, which didn’t startle me because I trained my composure when I was 10.
[+6669420 xp]
[Level up! Lvl 991299 -> 991300]
[Pride Witch Factor obtained]
[+666 physical strenght]
[+666 defence]
[+666 mental fortidude]
[-666 good]
[Your mana reserves grew by 42069%]
[Title: biscop of pride acquired]
[Title: slayer of bitches acquired]
[Skill: Eien no Kurai Jigen, Hadesu no Kinko leveled up to lvl 11]
Everything went according to my grand plan.
I then looked at Priscilla who was still dazed and stuck in place, her eyes unable to keep up with the spectacle that unfolded in front of her eyes, I asked her, “Who is the commoner now, bitch?”As I said this I used Yang magic to create sunglasses for myself as epic music played.
Roswaal: “OOOOHOOHOHOHHHHHH HOHHHH MOM GET THE CAMERA MOM GET THE CAMERA” “wait I am my own mom, I almost forgot.”
Emilia: “OH MY FUCKING GOD OHHHH OHH”
Commoners all around the square started shouting “OHHHHHHHH” as shinzou wo sasageyo music played in the background. And they all bowed down in front of me with their hands on their chests.
I ordered my subordinates to follow me into the castle. The real game will begin soon.
As I entered the castle I lost the track of time, but the ceremony had already begun. As they asked where the last candidate was, I kicked the gate which set it ablaze, walked in with my subordinates and shouted, “VIVA LA REVOLUTION, BITCHES! TIME TO CREATE THE NEW L’MANBOURG”
‘I had always wanted to dedicate something to Dream the minecraft speedrunner from my world. He was the one of the few people who could catch up to my intellect. He was the only reason minecraft could stand up to fortnite. All these stupid people kept making fun of fortnite. I couldn’t handle it.’
“Who the hell are you?! Guards!” shouted an old ass man from the other side of the hall.
“Who” I said, as I kicked 3 guards at the same time and froze them in place using an Al Goa.
“Surrender now or face consequences!” said the old ass man. ‘Honestly he’s so fucking annoying’
“cares.” I dropped my line, which set the old fucker ablaze and turned him into ashes.
At the very moment, I saw someone move, the absolute fastest being in the world the one who had no equal, except me. The sword master Reidhard Astorea himself.
“I challenge you to a duel after the Royal Selection’s meeting! I absolutely cannot let such injustice stand, I as the sword of the kingdom of Lugunika shall protect the kingdom down to my last breaths” he proclaimed loudly like an entitled brat.
“I shall grant your wish of an honorable fight, but remember: I won’t be holding back.” I growled back, with both of my eyes glowing red.
He went back into his place in the rows of soldiers and I walked forward to stand next to the other candidates.
“Huh it seems that Priscilla-sama is missing but whatever let’s begin the Royal Selection” said one of the old fuckers. “We’ll start with 3 candidates.”
I had a shit-eating grin on my face. They clearly didn’t know I was a candidate, and they were probably thinking that I’m Emilia’s knight. Oh how wrong could they be.
“anatasia Hussein?” said the interviewer guy.
“I’m anatasia Hussein and your economy seriously sucks. It’s nothing compared to the economy of my country, Kararigi. If I were to be the queen, I would save the crashing economy...”
I stopped listening halfway through because I seriously couldn’t care less about whatever she’s gonna do.
Her arrogant ass knight with purple hair said something about honor straight from a textbook, and the interviewer with a beard asked the next candidate to give her reason for coming here.
“Crush Karsten?”
“First of all I’m gonna make this country great and sever the pact with the dragon because why the fuck not…”
Again I stopped giving a fuck, they all pale in comparison to me anyways.
“Emilia.” said the interviewer, with a look of disgust looking at one of my subordinates. I could destroy this entire fucking country with one flick of a finger and he dares to insult my subordinate.
“Sorry I dropped out of the election.” said Emilia.
“I see… so we will have only 2 candidates competing for the thr-” tried to say the guy.
“No.” I said shortly, interrupting him as my eyes glowed with magic because I was using magic to make myself louder so everyone can hear me.
Chapter 4 end.
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Re:Zero Cringe IF
FanfictionA collab of many writers in the Reactionist discord server that I have been given permission to upload to this site. It is the embodiment of cringe, edge, and chadness, hail Ryan as he is saving the rezero world screwing one waifu at a time!
