Re:Zero Cringe IF

Chapter 2 (Oh God It's Back Again!)

Chapter 2: New slave and the preparations before the election

I had a peaceful sleep. As I woke up, I noticed Rem blushing in the corner of my room. I seductively looked at her, and she just couldn’t resist blushing.

Even though I am a 14 year old teenager, I’m so hot that no girl can resist.

I stood up, and exited the room, not saying a word. I looked both ways, and I noticed that it was a looping corridor. What a petty trick. I finished watching the anime, I know what was going on, smh.

I went to the nearest door and opened it. Beatrice was waiting for me.

“Stop.” I said, and she obeyed me.

“Fine, I suppose.” Said the drill loli, whose yang affinity pales in comparison to mine.

‘Whatever,’ I thought. ‘She can be useful as my mana battery.’

As I exited the room, she tried to tell me something, but whatever. That can also wait. She doesn’t know who she’s dealing with.

Walking down the stairs to the dining room, I noticed Emilia staring at me and blushing intensely. Without even looking at her, I entered the dining room, and sat down on the chair at the end of the table, with my cute little kitten behind me and Ram.

The steamed potatoes were garbage, bet I could make better. I won’t because that’s what maids are for.

“Sit down, Rem.” I instructed my little kitten.

“Yes Ryan-sama.” as I heard that, I nodded in approval. Rem started blushing even more.

She sat to my right, with Emelia in front of her and Roswaal to her right.

We ate breakfast, and then I went to the library, wondering if I could discover more spells. I found what I was looking for, and immediately memorized the spells. I mastered them in a second using my Authority of the Demon Lord.

‘I wonder if I have Return By Death. If I do, I will have to meet that half-elf whore’, I thought.

I quickly found Rem, and told her “I never used RBD because I’m not a pussy like Subaru.”

“Of course.” she nodded with a happy smile.

Time froze and Envy’s hands went towards my heart. I merely smirked, as I felt her hands caressing my heart.

I just stood there, and stared into Satella’s soul. She was terrified, definitely. I shattered the timestop with my temporary sharingan that I summoned using yang dimension magic. The same one which was used at a low quality by that budget librarian girl. Honestly these guys would be hopeless without me.

“Let’s go to the village, Rem.” I told my little kitten. She had no choice but to oblige, for she was already under my thumb. The reason why is simple. I needed to kill those dogs because they’re bad. I will also make Meili my maid, and if she fights back I will kill her with my Abyssal Magic.

It was a peaceful day. The sun was high, and it was quite quiet. Me and my little kitten arrived at the village. Everyone was still safe, and I sighed, because I would have to justify why I did what I did to Meili.

“Go buy the supplies or something.” I said, throwing the bag of holy gold coins at my feet, so my kitten can pick it up.

She picked it up, and I walked off, into the sunset, in search of a specific child. I quickly found that brat, and I casually approached her. She was playing with Petra. Well, it doesn’t hurt to kill two birds with one stone.

I finally got the chance to say my favorite line of all time.

“It’s a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming…”

That little uneducated brat, without understanding the reference, just looked at me in confusion. She was gonna say something, I don’t care though. She’s just an NPC with no backstory. 

“On days like these, kids like you…”

My voice started being more serious.

“Should be burning in hell.”

I picked up Meili and kicked her into the stratosphere using my magic to hold her together while she flew off into space, hopefully she’ll die, or else she’ll fall somewhere in Gustekko. Petra looked at me, but I refused to elaborate and left, walking casually.

Petra followed me into the mansion. Once there, I told her that she’s our new maid. I used my smartphone to call Frederica to train our newest slave. My kitten Rem was forced to work too much for my liking.

I was left alone in the hallway, so I decided it would be best to go to sleep. I flicked my fingers, and the discount librarian connected the nearby door to my room, where my little kitten was waiting for me, blushing. Of course, I’m an alpha male so I pushed her out of the way and went into my bed, thinking about the future.

Once I woke up, I went to the yard to exercise. It was my routine. 100 pumps, 10 successive Al Catastrophes, destroyer of civilizations, the banisher of evil, - it’s a new spell that I invented yesterday - and with that my workout was done.

As I was walking back into the mansion to eat breakfast, I noticed Emelia, so I decided to ask what’s up.

“Yo, wassup, Emelia.” I said, and she immediately blushed. The curse of having no friends, I guess. I was the same before I started working out.

Due to me being socially awkward around girls, I quickly left and went towards the mansion. I hated myself for doing so. However, I’m proud of being a man of culture and a socially awkward weeb.

I was bored out of my mind, so I started thinking about my favorite animes, Sword Art Online and Tokyo Ghoul. ‘Now you see, unlike Subaru, Kirito is a machine. He is a complete and utter chad that I want to be just like. He's better than Subaru in every single way. Not only does he get every girl, he also makes time for all of them and proves to be the best husbando to the best waifu, Asuna. He hardly ever cries too. Why can’t I be like him? Subaru, unlike him, is a complete wimp. He cries at every opportunity, he seeks sympathy from the only girl he can't get, and he actually has to use return by death. Kirito didn't even die once in SAO because of how badass he is. I'm going to be like Kirito. A true protagonist that all men with a bit of self-respect like me should aim to be.’

‘And all those emiliatards kept telling Subaru became like that because of suffering. His character development sucked. Kaneki didn’t need three lifetimes to change his life. He was like me and became cool from suffering. Unlike Subaru who continued being a wimp despite having Rem near him. The solution was so simple he just shouldn't have died bruh. Kaneki on the other hand is what suffering protagonists should be. He ate his own tormentor and escaped perfectly while playing 78D chess with everyone. He also fucked touka. He and kirito are the perfect protagonists. Subaru is such an edgy character. The only reason re:zero blew up was because of my kitten Rem. I hope I can be more like kaneki so she can adore me even more.’

Reconfirming my determination, I looked up towards the ceiling, and said “Bring it on, fate.”

Chapter 2 end.