Homesick (Lesbian)

CHAPTER 13: LAKE Part 2

Okay, so first of all, I owe you guys an apology. At the time I was writing this I was going through some stuff and I wrote the book as a way to process how to put back together a relationship where everything is gone, and how, in most cases, you just can't and no matter how painful it is, you have to move on.

It's been a tough few months but I just couldn't bring myself to write an ending and because this is the turning point of the book, I just couldn't figure out how to best serve it. So instead of giving you a dump ass story of people moving on or people getting back together just because, I needed something else. Which is why I stopped writing. However, I think I know how to finish it now. That's the one thing you can always count on. I ALWAYS FINISH MY BOOKS. So, from now on, it's back to writing for me.

I'm really sorry it took this long, I never wanted to disappoint you guys, but I really needed this time to think on what I believe in, and what I want for this book to actually convey. So here it is. Hope you guys enjoy. Thanks!

Diary Entry #156

I landed today. I feel horrible, to be honest. Whatever psychological blockage I had imposed on myself to stop my mind from recognizing and establishing a connection with my heart... it's gone. I cry almost everyday. I suffer for our loss, I suffer for my loss, I suffer for the mistakes I've made.

When I got out of the cab that stopped right in front of the house I had spent the last eight years in, it felt different. Lifeless, somehow. Like the light blue of the walls had become paler and dimmer at the same time. It was too quiet, it was empty. I grabbed the ninth rock to the side, opened it up and grabbed the spare key.

When I opened the door, I swallowed a mouthful of dust that made me cough. No one had been here in almost six months and I hadn't set foot on it in almost eight. I walked inside noticing immediately, that she had put our pictures away. None of our happy memories were anywhere. Not hanging from the walls, not on top of the chimney or in that ridiculously expensive glass shelf that I hated. The fridge door had no vacation pictures, or post-it notes about how we needed milk, and pancake mix, and for me not to forget to clean up the garage.

First thing I did was open the fridge. I found three things: ice, a six pack of beer, and a tuna can. I closed the fridge door, back up and turned around. Yes, this is not a home anymore. It's gone.

I grabbed my backpack and went upstairs, I stood in front of the door leading to the room that broke us. I reached out for the knob while my whole body started to shake. I felt cold sweat running down my back, my heart beating faster. I pulled away, as  the door knob was incredibly hot and I had now just realized, and kept walking towards out room.

There wasn't much inside. The mattress didn't have sheets or a duvet on it, the closet was empty and many of her shoes were gone. The bathroom had no toiletries and it smelled like cement and humidity. The one thing I did find, was that silly Magnus Chase book that they both loved so much on top of the nightstand.

I smiled, picked up the book and sat on the bare mattress with my back against the bed header. I opened the book from the beginning and started reading it. After almost two hours I couldn't remember why I hated the book. It was good, the main character uses comedy a lot to not deal with emotions and difficult circumstances and the whole Norse mythology does add a lot. Why didn't I like it?

I put it down and started to unpack. It felt weird to have the whole bedroom for myself, and it was even worse with the house, so I knew what I needed to do next. I took a shower, put civilian clothes on and walked the few blocks back to my parents.