the color of my life × taekook

10. flashbacks

Taehyung's pov

~flashback~

"Mom, why did dad say it was my fault that he left?" I asked my mother one day at dinner.

She was startled by my question, but answered anyway. "It wasn't your fault, TaeTae"

"But what did he mean by that?" I insisted. I wanted to understand. It had only been a few months since he left and I still didn't know the reason.

My mom sighed. "As any parent, after I had you, my first child, I was worried about you every second of the day. I had to take care of you, make sure you're healthy, clean, and happy" she emphasized the last word like it had more meanings, but as a child I didn't understand.

"Your- that man noticed that I started caring more about you than him and our relationship. Outside the apartment we would often argue, because I kept telling him that you are both important to me, but you needed to be watched over more. And he was selfish. I knew it but he is my soulmate. I tried to change him but every time we stared at each other after an argument I wouldn't be able to hold eye contact as much anymore, and he would just turn away, hence the distance growing between us."

"Mom..." I mumbled. They had been arguing... because of me. "It was my fault" I said, about to break down.

"No, Taehyung, it was definitely not you!" my mom rushed to my side. "It was him, his greed, his selfishness. It was... it wasn't meant to be."

I widened my eyes. Soulmates not meant to be? But everyone is happy with their soulmates, right? The stories my mom told me while growing up always had soulmates loving each other very much. I've always wished to experience one of those stories. But knowing it's not always like that... will I have my own happy ending?

~end of flashback~

I shut my eyes tightly, rolling onto my back on my bed. There it was again. Whenever I feel hope, these memories pull me down again.

Maybe I should tell Jungkook. But he might think I'm pathetic. Not that he wouldn't be right.

I tried to get rid of those thoughts by shaking my head, managing to steady my breath. I thought of the date we had last weekend. It was fun, we both had fun. Everything felt right until my fear kicked in. I can't hold eye contact for more than a few seconds without having a panic attack.

Although before that, while we were talking about random topics, getting to know each other, I saw the way he hesitated sometimes. There was something he wanted to say, to know, to talk about. A topic he avoided.

I guess we both have our secrets.

Jungkook's pov

I got to know Taehyung better. But I only know what he tells everyone. Usual stuff like what's his favorite movie, and games and so on.

But there's one thing I want to know. One out of many others. I want to know his... favorite color.

Not as in just the color. As in how he chose it. As in when did he first see that color, and how. I want to hear his story. Because it couldn't have started only in high school. It started when I first saw it too.

When I saw the colors, I knew I must have seen him too, I was twelve. He was there, in that park, but after many turns I considered he disappeared, even thought it might've been a hallucination.

It wasn't. It wasn't and I need to find out why he hadn't approached me earlier.

Taehyung's pov

Thinking about it, we would both be happy together right now if I had approached him when we were 12. Or maybe he would've thought I'm weird and not accept me.

Jungkook's pov

I would've taken his hand, maybe yell at the sky that I'm so lucky to find my soulmate so early. I would've showed him off everywhere. My parents would've met him too.

Anyway, I'm glad he still told me now. Better late than never. I'm just wondering when will he tell me about that day in the park.

Taehyung's pov

I need to tell him about the actual first time I saw him; that day in the park. It wouldn't be fair if I won't. He deserves to know.

With that, I might earn his trust.

I unlocked my phone and texted Jungkook that we should meet up again. Not necessarily a date. I just need to talk to him.

We'll go to the park.