Madea Directs the New Directions(Glee Fanfiction)

The First Rehearsal part 1

March 5, 2012
Dear journal

Okay so it's Monday A.K.A it was Madea's first day as co-director. Let me first start off by saying WOW! But before I get into that let me tell you about when Madea met Kurt for the first time on Saturday. So Kurt came over so we could have our weekly girl's night. When he got there the questions began. She asked poor Kurt if he was a "tambourine" player. All I could do was shake my head embarrassed and take Kurt upstairs. When we got there I told him that was her not so subtle way of asking if he was gay. Kurt laughed it off but I knew come Monday it was gonna be a hell of a lot worse...

After school I meet up with Kurt outside of the choir room so we could wait for Madea. Everyone was all ready in the choir room and I was just hoping they didn't have any stupid ideas like they did when Ms. Holiday was the substitute back in junior year. When Madea showed up she greeted me and Kurt. "Heller how you dering?" Kurt side eyed me for a second be for greeting her back. "Hello Ms Madea we're so glad you decided to coach us this week." When we walked into the classroom what I wanted not to happen did of course. Being a jackass Puck buttered the floor again. Kurt walked a head of Madea and me and slipped on the trap for the second year in a row.

Everyone except Blaine, Madea and I began to snicker. Blaine and I helped Kurt up who was glaring at Puck while Madea addressed the glee club. "What the hell ya'll laughing at?" Everyone stopped laughing and looked at her in shock. She then turned to Puck and said "You with the dead animal on your head." Puck pointed to himself and Madea said "Yes you if I would of slipped and feel on that I would still be whooping your ass this time next week. Now go sat down." Puck gave her one last shocked look before he turned to go sit down. Madea noticed Puck's pants were sagging so she said " Hey boy" Puck turned to face her and she said " walk over there" He did what he was told and started walking with a limp so she said " now stop and pull up your pants" Puck again did what he was told and pulled his pants up over his underwear. The she said "now walk back." as soon as Puck started walking Madea said sarcastically "it's a miracle" because he had started walking normally.

I looked down and put my head in my hands cause I knew were this conversation was headed I've seen it time and time again. Madea proceeded to say to Puck as he took a seat "You look like a fool son pull up your pants. Why doesn't some young man pull up his pants and say ' hey follow me I'm pulling my pants up' instead of y'all following the jackass with his pants down." I set forward and took a glance at Puck who had his head down but was listening to everything she was saying. Then what happened next had everyone about to pee their pants because she went into her rap "Pants on the ground. Got yo pants on the ground. Looking like a fool with yo pants on the ground. Hat turned around with the gold in yo mouth. Madea remix what." As soon as our drummer John realized the song she was doing he backed her up with a beat. Puck couldn't help but smile just like everyone else in the room.

Now that Madea had got down with Puck she turned towards me and asked what we do every week, and before I could answer Rachel said "Mr. Schuester gives us a music assignment and we perform throughout the week." Everybody in the room rolled their eyes at her. Before Madea could say anything Santana cut in turned towards Rachel and said "Shut up Hobbit she wasn't even talking to you" Rachel and Santana got into an argument and Madea grabbed a mic stand and slammed it down on the top of the closed piano, causing everyone in the room to jump and give her their attention. She walked over to Santana and Rachel and said "Shut up you witches of Lima Heights. When I speak to you, you answer not before." she turned to Rachel and said "do you understand speak into the microphone" she had the mic stand in Rachel's face and she said "yes" Madea turned towards Santana and said "do you understand mic check 1 2" Santana said " Yes ma'am."

Madea walked back to the front of the room and turned to Santana and told her to come up front. When she got there Madea asked what her name was Santana said "Santana Lopez" Madea said "Okay Santana tell me who everyone else is." I started shaking my head once I saw the smirk on Santana's face. Santana pointed at Rachel and said "the hobbit right there is Rachel Berry. Lumps the clown right there is her boyfriend Finn Hudson. The French whore with the Mohawk is Noah "Puck" Puckerman. Behind him is Asian number 1 and 2 Mike Chang and Tina Cohen-Chang no relation. Yet. Pixie boy next to them is Rory Flanagan. Next to him is Richie Bitch Sugar Motta. In the very back is Trouty mouth Sam Evans. Then there's the Pretty Pony and his Boyfriend Prancy Smurf Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel. Tarantula Head there is Joe Hart. Then there's Tubbers Quinn Fabray the girl in the chair. The guy in the chair is Wheels Artie Abrams. You know Wheezy already. And last but not less my baby Britt-Britt Brittany S Pierce." When she was finished Madea looked at her and then said "Well hell you got all those names for them what they call you?" Before she got the chance to answer everyone except Brittany said in unison "Satan" ...

... Okay journal the fam's calling me for dinner I'll come back and finish telling how the rest of glee club went after dinner.

Mercy!