Young

6- Talk

"Can you get out please?!" I asked loudly, looking at my mom after muting my teacher.

She shut her mouth, walking out and shutting my door softly.

I sighed, breaking down.

I'm sick of it!

My mom's not giving me a ride to go visit Billie in jail.

They have her in for basically "kidnapping and raping" me.

And she needs money to pay to make phone calls!

And I have to be accompanied by my parents to visit.

God knows that's not gonna happen.

Without money, she's only allowed 1 call every few days....if their feeling generous.

She has her cards in her wallet at home, but she said it'll just be a waste because she won't have any money when she gets back to pay bills.

And calling every couple of days for free is better than calling everyday and blowing money.

She just called the other day and she was on speaker talking and our baby got so happy.

She looked around for mama, shaking her hands in excitement.

She hasn't called in almost 5 days, making me worry.

Moira whined hungry, making me look at her angry.

"God, does anyone ever just leave me alone?!" I said quietly, picking Moira up and latched her on.

She looked up at me, rubbing her mouth on me so she can get a better latch.

"C'mon, Moira. Mommy's tired" I sighed, helping her latch on again.

She started crying, getting frustrated on why I wouldn't just leave her alone.

"I'm gonna start doing crack, I swear to GOD" I yelled on accident, making Moira jump and start screaming louder.

"Fuck"

I teared up, rubbing her back and kissing her face.

"I'm sorry" I repeated, not meaning to take all my anger and frustration out on her.

She calmed down after I calmed down, letting her fall asleep.

"It's okay, baby" I shushed her, rubbing her little back as she moved her head around.

                                     8:00

"Num-num-num!" I pretended to eat Moira's foot as she sat it her carrier while I took a bath.

She smiled, sucking on her fist as she tried to move her foot out my grasp.

"Oh no you don't!" I squealed, eating her other foot.

She let out a little giggle as she watched me pretend to chew on her tiny foot.

I giggled too, rubbing her little belly, leaning back and washing my hair.

                                10:00

"The COVID cases are going up and up as the Johnson & Johnson vaccine is becoming more and more controversial" The news source spoke on tv as I texted my friend and trying my best to not lash out like I did with my mom.

I'm on my period, it came a little earlier than expected..

And I just miss my Billie!

Everytime I think of that sentence,  my eyes water, like just now.