Oblivious

Day 10
Trigger Warning Self Harm (mentions) &' vomit :/

He was stupid. Oblivious to the very obvious hints of my suffering and yet he didn't care. Maybe it was due to him being to high to notice. I could tell that his aquatinted friend knew there was something off but yet he didn't dare to speak. This tension and eerie feeling surrounding us three.

"Have you called him" Malik asked. I just shook my head no.

Vahn makes me put on such an act as if I'm okay that they don't even know my phone is basically a prop. As if they didn't meet me sleep outside in a abandoned treehouse.

"I'll text him again" we haven't heard from him for hours. The boys showed up an hour after I got here making me not sleep. I try to obide Vahns rules and not embarrass him. I want to keep him around. He makes me feel like I should hold on a little bit longer. I wore my dads old flannel that is buttoned up horribly along with some biker shorts. It's chilly outdoors today but nothing I'm not use to.

"Text who" we hear a little distance away followed by footsteps in the ground. Stepping on the sticks and leaves. He showed up, but not alone.

A girl. Brown skin. Skinny. She was beautiful, you can tell she dressed down to be here. She walked as if she was a prize. She and Him laughed their way up here, hand and hand. I looked at her , her body being amazing everything the right size for her build. Jealous that she is who he'll replace me with.

I for once felt like I had something and I was stupid. I was oblivious myself. Not realizing that he couldn't possible like someone he has to basically care for. Me being like a child. Him being who I felt safe and comfortable around. Why would he want to be with someone he has to get to fake their existence. He was out of my league and I hate him for it.

"Shit who is this" Travis says. Malik nods.

"This is Maya, my girl" Vahn says. He then looked at me his eyes telling me not to do or say anything. His eyes telling me that he'd talk to me about it later. I then felt Maliks eyes look at me where yet again he knew something was off but avoided interfering. Travis eyes the girl clueless to the issue.

"Hey" she speaks. Her voice was another reason for me to hate myself. I wanted to throw up. I felt stupid. I felt like all the air in my body was sinking down to my ass and I didn't know what to do. I rushed to my feet and made my way past the couple going a little ways from view and threw up, tears leaving my eyes. Abandoned.

"Scar" I hear Vahn say. "Listen I meant to tell you I was talking to her and one thing led to—"

"It's fine" I say standing up wiping my mouth.

"Y—"

"I- can I get just a little bit of cash please if not I'll make due" I say tears threatening to fall.

"Why"

"I need pills"

"Your— no come on" he grabbed my hand taking me back to the tree house where the two boys smoked and the Girl she eyed me. "This is Scarlet" he says to her taking a seat next to her. I sat in a corner alone.

"Oh she's your cousin right" she asked and he nodded. A fucking cousin.

"Well let's go get food so she can eat. I know you said she can't afford—"
I drowned out her words.

Voices and noises in my head screaming for me to kill myself. To hang myself and not care. Telling me that I'm stupid loving some one that is obviously not for me. I wanted to cut myself so bad or burn myself. This, I felt like I'm dying.

My chest hurt for me to breathe, making me take slow deep breaths. I looked around and the four talked about something I couldn't hear. They smoked and enjoyed each other. No one looking my way. I wanted to scream but it's as if I was paralyzed in the brain and my body unable to move, not even a tear slip out.

"Is she coming" I heard as I noticed they're all leaving now. I'm unsure how much times passed. "I'll get her y'all go ahead to the car.

They left leaving me and Vahn alone. "Get up and stop it" he says. Which almost calmed me just hearing his voice but my body wasn't moving how I thought.

It was doing actions on its own while I still felt stuck and unable to move. Like the passenger of my body. I took the Bobby pun out my hair and bit the rubber end off making it sharp. I held it along my skin getting it to cut it not deeply but enough to get a fit of blood out.

"Scar stop it" he snapped yanking me bringing me back in control. Tears finally able to fall.

"I love you" I say. I walk away heading for my house. He called for me and I heard them ask what happened and what's wrong. He made up a lie and they passed me on the road.

I made it home after a little while and was met with my dad coming home early. I gave him a  weak smile and rushed in the door, leaving him outside. I went straight back to my room.

How stupid can he be. Does he not realize he's the reason I'm holding on. Why am I even here. My thoughts flood my mind. I went into the bathroom looking at my reflection Nova ,staring at me. She laughed and mocked me. I looked at the toilet and forced gagged myself with my fingers until I threw up. I don't even know why, just did.

I feel bad for myself. I got so attached to him in a short time. He must of knew her longer. I gagged over the bowl at my thoughts. I was willing to suffer a little longer for him and— maybe he didn't understand the attachment I grew for him. She was art while I'm just the dollar paint brush no one uses or wants. Useless and of no value.

I heard my dad as he came to check on me and see if I was okay. I gave a nod and he left and I forced vomit on myself again. I stopped and rinsed off my hands and swished the taste out my mouth before laying on the bathroom floor. I was exhausted. I just laid there not moving, staring at the ceiling. After a little while I fell asleep.

How do you feel about the book so far?