Oblivious

Stupefy

Day 13
Trigger Warning: ⚠️⛔️ Auto-abuse (self abuse), mentions of the devil

I looked in the mirror after my shadow. A figure standing next to Nova. I swear the more weight she gains the prettier she looks.
Horns on his head. Smoke fuming off his skin. Skin looked red. Eyes look like black shallow holes in his face. Nova was with the devil as he smirked and said see you soon to me. I wanted to screem but staring at him it felt like my throat was being strangled. He was killing me by asphyxiation. Harder and harder it became to breathe until both him and Nova were gone.

I was stuck in stupefy. My reflection now being me. The bags under my eyes. My stomach flat.
Maybe I should burn myself. My thoughts invade my head as I undressed myself to bathe. Finally getting to experience a hot shower in such a long time. It was 12 in the afternoon and I had just woke up. A few minutes into the shower I heard the bathroom door move. Me being overly excited , I only had hot water on burning at my skin. Steam everywhere.

"Hello" I asked to which I received no response. I saw a figure move but I left it alone. I figured it was the devil again deciding to just take me now instead of allowing me to take my own life.

"Hey Scar baby" Vahn said climbing in the shower behind me. I jumped scared but ignored it. He kissed my neck and shoulder. I wanted to cry finally getting attention but I held the tears back. He stole my rag and washed my back before I turned to look at him. My eyes instantly darting down.

"Fuck why the water so hot" he said backing up some. His face scrunched as he looked at me, I finally looked him in his face.

"Shouldn't you be with you girlfriend" I asked a sad tone left my lips but I didn't care. I didn't have energy to hide it.

"I'm single now Scar. I- you mean more to me than her and I'm sorry" he says bringing his lips to mine as we shared a kiss.

"Are you lying to me? What do you actually want?" I asked him scared of his response but ready to hear it.

"You. Why haven't you been at the house" he says as we just stood under the water my head in his neck.

"I hate you" I whispered.

"I know and I'm sorry. I really am. Please tell me you've been taking care of yourself these past few days"

"Vahn. If I wanted to live just a bit longer. For you I'd rather starve myself and watch my body decay until I rot. Death by lack of food but I can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't wait for scraps of food. I can't look at my reflection only to see what I wish I had" I say and he just looked at me pulling me off him.

"You have me in a daze, a spell. I'm here Scarlet I promise. I'm not going to hurt you. Let me help you. Help yourself rather, for me" he says and cut off the water.

We got out and I had pants and a shirt he left here out for me to wear. I should of known me choosing to wear it was a sign. He put on the pants, grey sweatpants. The inprint of the one thing that can make me feel was on full display. I wasn't shy to show that I looked at it. I could stare and feel all day. I placed on his shirt, it stopped at the top of my thighs but I would be in my room all day so I don't care.

He laid on the bed and I climbed over his lap sitting over his bulge. We shared multiple kisses and he played with my ass. My head desperately wanting him to touch me elsewhere but I restrained myself from saying. I craved sexual attention. Maybe it's because I want to feel something before I go.

"Can I write your name into my skin" I asked. I went to leave a hickey and he pushed me away.

"What and I don't like them shits" he says sitting up.

"Can I write your name in my skin, I'll use a blade. You've had this affect on my life ,I want to be yours. You own my body if you let me" I tell him watching his every move.

" Yeah let me record it. " says Javahn.

I go to the bathroom, he already had the camera going. I recorded the moment myself as well on my phone. I propped my camera up and pressed record, across the room it laid, him not bothering to pay attention. I grabbed a sharper blade. I held my phone and held it up by pillows at an angle to see me clearest.

The blade to my skin I took and carved each letter in his name on my leg. I started off light but went a lot deeper. I want a scar. I want to bleed and show how I truly care for him. "Oh shit Scar you for real" he says as I moved on to the next letter. I cut across my thigh. The letters upside down to me so they would face him. Handwriting wasn't the best but it's there. "I love you, I fucking hate you but I love you" I say as I watched the blood leave my body. It hurt but it made me want to cut so much more. I carved a heart into my leg above it a broke upside down heart. He cut off his video.

"You want some alcohol for that shit or no" he asked and I nodded. He got up going to the bathroom to grab it and I cut off the recording on my phone. I got up going to my camera and showed the blade and my leg before I ended that video as well and put the camera away.

"That don't hurt to walk on"

"To live hurts added pain is merely nothing at this point" I say and use a shirt to clean the wound alongside the alcohol.

He kissed me and looked at my leg. His face was one hard to read but hopefully he understands. Although I love him and would want to spend my dying day with him, the pain he's caused me breaks me. For him to say he cares but makes me pretend I'm some one else. I love the attention he dedicates towards me. He helped to allow me to want to bring myself out of this bad place. Although there's no getting out. I'm so far gone that I don't want savior. If I were to be saved from death I'd be beyond angry.

He laid on my bed on his phone. I was stuck speechless. He was amazing. Beautiful. His smile was trapped in my mind. Hours went by of us in silence. He was captivated by the screen of his mobile device. I was led unfocused on life around us. My eyes were locked on him and nothing else. Javahn ♡︎ nothing else matter to me today.

How do you like the story so far?