When do people actually start to care. How much shit has to happen just for someone to notice their surroundings. Why are we all 𝑂𝑏𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑠. Dream a little dream of me now that its finally all over.
Disclaimer: suicidal mentions as well as sui...
Day14 Trigger Warning ⛔️⚠️ : Self harm and Suicide mentions
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Tomorrow. I'm so happy. I got scarves and belts to attempt hanging myself. I have another pill to take before I attempt so I feel loopy while doing it. I have blades to cut and now I'm just ready for that day. My last day. I smiled at Nova in the mirror.
For once she actually seemed sad. She rubbed her arm and placed her hands in a heart over her smile before she faded and the devil appeared again. His skin. The horns, his distinctive features before me now as my reflection.
" One more day until your fatality" he spoke. Again my throat felt as if I was being choked by his presence.
No air able to go in or out. I try to move my hands but I'm stuck. My body seeming to be locked. I felt like I was dying painfully. My head hurt so bad from the lack of air I wanted to just give up. I blink slowly accepting my fate and he was gone when my eyes reopened. I gasp catching my breath and holding my neck.
I take a shower well over an hour and get out placing one of my dads shirts on. Hair wet. I had no plans for the day. I hung up a few of the nudes in the closet but stopped because no need in wanting to see them. I just dropped them.
I grabbed my camera and set it up along with a blade. I pressed record as I cut a heart under his name. 💔Jahvahn ❤️ . I cried before I decided to dedicate this video to him. My suicide video. I even actually write my dad a small note.
"Javahn. From the day we met I feel like you were placed in my life to help me. You did help me. You fed me, cared for me, stayed with me. I couldn't even imagine the debt I owe to you. I loved the attention and concern you gave me. I know I'm a lot to handle and that I'm embarrassing, yet you were around me regardless. Meeting her, your girlfriend I just. It hurt to see that not even one good thing could really last with me. It hurt to know that I wasn't the only one you wanted as selfish as it may be. She's pretty, great body, beautiful voice. I became attached to you even though I knew from the beginning it wouldn't last. The day we met was day one. I gave myself 15 days to kill myself that day. My lucky day is tomorrow. As peculiar as it is I'm ready to be put out my misery. You disappeared. You made me pretend for you. I had rules to follow to just be around you and it broke me. The hate I have for you will never out weigh the love I have for you. I love you and will love you until my dying breath. I fell in love fast but I wouldn't change anything about it or you. Your name forever with me. If I could get it tattooed on my heart I would. I hope my death doesn't hurt you. Forget me. Forget whatever we may or may not of had. Let our memories deteriorate like my body will. Maybe you'll dream a little dream of me now that I'm gone. I'm sorry" I said into the camera crying. Warm tears leave my face the entire video.
I grabbed my pen and paper and sat down on the bed. The camera was off and put away. I just wanted to write a small letter to my dad. I know how hard he was trying and I don't want him to give up. I want him to try for himself. He's alone now and I want nothing but his happiness to be his main goal.
