When do people actually start to care. How much shit has to happen just for someone to notice their surroundings. Why are we all 𝑂𝑏𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑠. Dream a little dream of me now that its finally all over.
Disclaimer: suicidal mentions as well as sui...
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It's like he was my reason for holding on now. Although I wanted to give up so desperately. He was the reason I was still here. Almost as if he actually cared about me. I could tell he didn't care enough because I had to fake my life when we went around his friends.
"I want to be alone" I say to Vahn. He signaled for them to leave and they did.
"Stop it, what's wrong" he says sitting beside me in the tree house. The floor being uncomfortable meaning I only wore panties underneath an extremely large shirt.
"I hate myself. I'm not myself, that's what wrong" I say fighting back tears.
"Scar please. You're perfect don't try to ruin your image please" he kissed my knee and pulled me up along with him. We met the others outside the treehouse.
We went on with his friends to their house. Me having to fake my emotions. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay and happy. I am tired of having to act like I'm someone else. It grew nightfall and I left walking home. Vahn didn't rejoin me which upset me because we had sex and now he isn't joining me. Maybe I'm stupid for being so attached but I can't help it. I get home climbing in through my window. I put on a bra the only covered my nipples and a high-waist Thong.
** I went inside my closet grabbing a large dildo. I wanted sexual pain. This being the only way for me to feel like myself and to feel in general. I grabbed oil rubbing my body placing a butt plug inside. I placed the dildo on the floor of the new mirror my dad got as a gift. Claiming I'm too pretty to not look at. I sat in front of it. Nova being all I saw. Such a pretty happy girl when I'm fucking miserable.
I squeezed my breast being turned on, watching myself the entire time. Watching her feel herself as my reflection making me more aroused. Just lusting over her. I played with myself being sure I grew wet enough oiling my body. Every touch and grab making me want more. I adjust myself placing the toy up in me before easing down on it moaning. My reflection doing the same. I grabbed the mirror using it as support. It seemed as if the mirror was Nova holding me up. Which I didn't mind, I'd do anything to feel like her again, for even a moment.
I bounced on the toy letting it almost exit me before I slammed back down. The length was long and the fake veins it held felt amazing inside me. I haven't used them in a while. I grabbed and pinched my nipples my eyes never leaving the mirror as I bounced. My moans grew louder the harder I slid down. I choked myself making my moaning stop for a moment. Being sure I hardly could breathe as I slammed down harder and harder each time. Once I felt red in the face I removed my hands. I finally took my eyes off the mirror feeling as if my actions were no longer being mimicked.
I leaned forward slamming into it ,my bare breast laid on the cold floor of my room. I moan out louder and louder. I rubbed and played with myself increasing the painful pleasured moment. My body jerking and wanting to stop and pull away ,but I didn't allow. I kept slamming down onto the fake cock. My stomach feeling beyond tight. I removed it for a second my breast still on the floor as my ass was high up. I fingered myself forecefully. I slammed back onto the toy angling it inside me to hit certain spots.
I finallly couldn't take it anymore my legs ready to collapse and I orgasm. Throbbing. I looked in the mirror the entire time never stopping my actions in the dildo. Watching how happy Nova seems. I finally pulled it out as well as the anal plug. I brought my lips to the imitation cock sucking and licking from top to base. I gagged myself not even caring. Saliva spilling out my mouth. Finally satisfied I stopped. I caught my breath as I just laid in the floor. I could feel the mess and it didn't bother me. My loud moans when my father may be present didn't bother me.
What bothered me was the fact that now that I stopped and it's over. I feel nothing. I feel empty. I was wide awake but couldn't talk, think, or feel nothing. My stomach and body empty. My head empty. I wanted to do it all over again just to feel something once more but I didn't even have the energy for that. Wishing someone would come and abuse me, use me. Help me feel like I'm human. I just laid on the floor my body practically exposed. I looked up at my popcorn ceiling with not one emotion.
The only thought in my head now was to kill myself while I can't think of anything better to do.
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[SideNote: I want homemade lasagna but anyway. In advance this story has a lot of sexual based chapters. In case someone wondered.]
