Blank Slate - Written in the Stars - Heartbeats (Jenlisa Adaptation)

3.8

Heartbeats

'Goodnight'

Time.

It's quite a funny thing. When you don't need time, you have too much to spare, but when you need it, you're always running out.

Diana and Ivanka didn't waste any time. They moved quickly, started making preparations without even hesitating. Not even once.

And Lisa? She was left sitting alone in Ivanka's office, paralyzed by her own thoughts. She can't lose them both, Lisa just couldn't. Just the thought of it was just too much. She knew Ivanka, on a good day – and by that Lisa meant the times she saw Ivanka's brilliance as a doctor during their time together – would always be capable of setting her emotions aside and be what was needed of her. But Diana? She doesn't even know how on earth she got as strong as she was now.

To smile despite knowing she was about to make a huge sacrifice.

Nick was the first one to find her in Ivanka's office while looking for his own sister.

"You should see Diana. Or Jennie. Or get some rest." He said.

And for whatever reason, Lisa didn't argue.

She didn't scream out the pain building in her, the sadness, or the cold. She didn't voice out the thousand or so thoughts in her head at that moment. Instead, Lisa wandered the hospital for a while before finding herself outside the room they were keeping Diana in as they prepared everything necessary for the surgery. Ivanka had insisted for another round of tests to make sure everything was okay.

Diana had her bed propped up, her eyes set at the dark cold night she got a glimpse of from her window looking pensive. Lisa smiled sullenly. Her not so little sister had calmness in her demeanor, not even afraid of what was ahead, of the sacrifice she was about to make.

How could she be this way? Lisa thought. In some ways, she was a little envious of it.

"You're allergic to penicillin. We found that the first time you got sick when you were two." Lisa said after taking a deep breath and walking into the room. Diana tilted her head to face her, a question forming in her eyes asking Lisa why she would say something so random.

Lisa simply smiled before sitting at the foot of the bed and smiled. Weakly. "You slipped on an aerial rug once while running around inside the house which earned you a bruised knee. When you were younger, every single time it got too hot or too cold, your nose would bleed. That thankfully got into control when you turned four. There was a time when you were three when you had an incredibly high fever in the middle of the night and both mom and Darth Father had no clue whatsoever what to do. They were going to take you to the hospital but I got your fever down by having you wear all my clothes on top of yours and wrapping you up in every single comforter I could grab."

Diana laughed, "Yeah, I remember that. Father was incredibly furious but he did smile when my temperature got down."

It was Lisa's turn to chuckle. "Yeah. He almost thanked me that time. Honestly, I just couldn't bear the thought of you at a hospital with doctors poking needles at you and all."

"Is that why you never visited me then? You know, when I got hit by the car?" Diana asked, her voice gentle and calm. And so full with understanding.

"It was one reason. Guilt was another." Lisa replied, "But it was mostly because I saw how much blood you lost before the ambulance got there, and how hard you were crying and it was breaking my heart then. I felt like I broke my sister... a-and... I..." Lisa mumbled, biting her lip, trying not to cry some more. Somehow she felt like she shouldn't have any tears left, but she was being proven wrong. "I didn't want to see you broken. And every time you got sick... the times you got hurt... and now you're here..." she sobbed, gesturing at the bed she was in.

"Lisa, I..."

Lisa smiled, mostly in irony as she couldn't help the tears back anymore. "I know you're here saving Jennie. But I can't lose you. I lost you once and that's because I didn't fight for you. And it's a little ironic because you saved me from my walls same as Jennie and now, I feel like I'm not allowed to keep both of you. Am I even making any sense at all?"

And Diana nodded. For once she didn't have any words to say.

"I almost lost Jennie once too. Because when I wanted to fight for her, I did something stupid and circumstances and all. I very nearly had to live a life without knowing happiness with Jennie. And like I just... it's the first time I'm complete."

"Lis, I'm not going to die."

"But you never know what's going to happen! I feel like we're not done with catching up and I... I don't know what to think... I..." Lisa rambled on as the tears kept streaming down her cheeks and Diana pulled her in for another hug. "I feel like I'm either signing your death or Jennie's. I feel like I'm choosing who I want to live between the two of you. And I love you both, in different ways, but I love you both and I can't lose you both."

"You do know that of all the time I've known you, this is the most I've seen you show me your emotions right?" Diana then said, her voice cracking as she tried to hide the emotions rising up the surface.

"Is it?" Lisa asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah." Diana then replied, her voice gentle and soothing. "I told you Lisa. I'm doing this not just to save Jennie, but to save you as well. See, I love you too. And I can't see you broken either. I am glad you're showing me everything you feel right now though."

"Why are you so strong?"

"I'm not strong Lis."

"Well, you're not scared."

"I've made my peace." Diana answered simply.

"Don't say that!" Lisa snapped back.

Diana then chuckled, "It's true though. The car accident wasn't a walk in the park, I spent going through a few years of recovery and surgeries to fix me. And the only person I could be a scared little girl was you and you weren't there. Circumstances and all. So I just decided to accept everything. It was easier that way. I'm not brave Lisa, I just have a different set of walls. You're here now though. And I have Kao. Barry too. I'm not alone anymore, so I have different kind of peace. You're not alone too and you know that I'll always be with you, right?"

"You're saying that like you're saying goodbye. Don't, please don't."

"I'm not. You can count on it. I'll never say goodbye. Just goodnight."

"Goodnight?"

"Yeah, look outside. No stars. Tonight is just your darkest night. But tomorrow, we'll have our brightest day. Okay? Tomorrow, you'll see Jennie's gummy smile again."

"I better see yours too."

Diana smiled, "You'll always see mine. My face is kind of everywhere right now thanks to my work." She said and Lisa chuckled.

"Not funny."

"It kind of is." Diana retorted, "I love you Lis, I hope you know that."

"I love you too Dana." Lisa replied, "So, how long is this night going to be?"

"As long as it's going to take, so you better be prepared and hang on tight."