Blank Slate - Written in the Stars - Heartbeats (Jenlisa Adaptation)

3.5

Heartbeats

'No Air'

Lisa couldn't help it.

It was like someone punched a whole right through her chest.

Nope, better yet, it was like the walls she had carefully built around her came crashing down and like a water stored in a dam, all the feelings came flooding out.

It was a different kind of overwhelming.

Not like that overwhelming feeling she felt whenever Jennie kissed her, or wrapped her arms around her.

It wasn't that gushing feeling of knowing you are loved and being loved in a way one never thought was possible.

Because there was no warmth in it.

Just the cold washing over her as she saw how Jennie looks in her hospital bed, all those machines hooked up to her to keep her alive.

She looked so frail and broken, the sight itself was enough to slowly kill Lisa too.

Dozens of cuts were littered across her soft pale skin, bruises were evident everywhere too.

And Lisa couldn't help it, the sounds of her desperate sobs escaped her as she tried so hard to keep it buried deep. But she couldn't, it was an impossible task.

Because nothing in this world could prepare for her to see Jennie that way.

And Lisa could feel herself gasping for air, she knew she couldn't really breathe, not without Jennie.

It wasn't just the emptiness and numbness now.

It felt like a thousand arrows were being shot straight to her chest, piercing her heart with each passing moment, just to see Jennie in the state that she was in.

There was so much life in her.

Even when she was simply sleeping, the light content smile on her face, the steady rise and fall of her chest – yes all these seemingly trivial things – they were filled with so much life.

Because Jennie was a sunshine. She was life itself in Lisa's eyes that every single little thing she did was filled with life as well.

Lisa swears that any wilting flower would bloom when Jennie's the one tending after it. Because didn't she bloom herself? Wasn't she a wilting flower once upon a time too? And all it took for her to breathe and find life again – actually feel alive again instead of merely just existing – was Jennie.

And this, this was the opposite of that.

Her knees gave way as she slumped down the chair next to Jennie's bed, she wasn't strong enough for this. Because this was Jennie. This was the woman she loved, the love of her life, on the very brink of death.

And that made sense.

Because how could Lisa dare live without her? Her very life?

But there was Desmond now too, and so Lisa shook the despair and kept it out of her mind as best as she could.

She had to be strong.

Or at least find some bit of strength.

For Desmond Jean.

And Jennie.

Lisa's hands were uncontrollably shaking as she gingerly reached out to take one of Jennie's hands, and she hated the fact that it felt cold. Too cold. She pressed her lips on it as lightly as she could, afraid that the simple act can cause Jennie to shatter and fade away as she tried to steady her breath and pressed the back of Jennie's hand on her cheek.