Trouvaille

13

Recommend listening to Another Love by Tom Odell before reading this, it just really sets the mood.

Jessica Paige

I really felt nothing at this point. No emotion on my face, and no desire to do something to change this outcome running at me so fast I couldn't even prepare for it. It came so fast that I didn't have time to react before it was already gone. The opportunity, stolen from me without hesitation. I sat, just staring at the wall, feeling like this. I was waiting for Liam, he said that someone was getting my car, I was glad because I needed some time to myself before being able to drive, I didn't want to drive or even think right now. But that want was short-lived.

I reached down and grabbed the buzzing phone that I tried to ignore. I looked down at the blaring screen that sent a shockwave through my brain.

Mary

Mary, it took me a minute to remember who Mary was, my Grandmother's nurse. She didn't hang around much because I was always there but I asked her to stay the weekend because I was gone. I've lived with my Grandmother ever since my mom died, she was the sweetest human on this earth. She is my Dad's mom, he left when I was 7.

"Hello"

"Jessieee heyyy"

"Hi, Mary." I laughed out a bit to try and hide how I truly felt.

"I know this is something you don't want to here but you might have to come home a little early, the hospital is flooding with patients and they are asking for me back. I think it would be best for you to come home. Your Grandmother isn't doing bad or anything but there is a lot of conflict with Stevie...And you always do the best job."

I sat silently for a bit, almost glad to hear that I am wanted back home or anywhere.

"Mary, it's ok! I'm actually getting ready to come home anyways! I just missed everyone too much."

"Oh, really? That's great! See you later then!"

"Yeah."

She hung up. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Sitting up straight, I forced a smile onto my face and then eventually stood up. And my smile faded. I walked towards the door and opened it, to where it all began. The two couches facing each other the bright lights and...

He stood up from his spot on the couch, his eyes red, cheeks wet, and his right hand moving none stop sliding a ring off and on his finger. He cleared his throat as we both stood there, my blank expression never faltering. But I watched as that curly-haired boy's green eyes started to glisten a little more, and his lips flattened tightly and puckered. He looked up and down and up and down until he looked up one last time with a broken face and a tear that slid down his cheek. My heart exploded inside of me, I tried so hard to hold it in but I couldn't, he stood across the room, the so-called player, the ladies man, the bad boy breaking down his walls because he truly wasn't any of those things. He cared, he loved, and he lost as much as any other normal person. The life of a celebrity isn't what it is hyped up to be, they laugh, they cry, they get anxious and depressed, they are heartbroken and sad, and they love. All of this hit me at once, these thoughts pushing through me watching him not be able to keep still and no matter how hard he tried to tense up his face he could not stop from crying. And neither could I. 

I ran to him, all my anger towards him for what he said was pushed aside. His brokenness caused me to let go of all that I had been trying so hard to keep in, not only from the past day. As I fell into his arms he picked me up just a bit to pull me closer in. And the tears didn't stop. It's like everything from my life poured out onto his shoulder. Everything that I tried to keep in, everything that I thought that I could handle by myself or push down and not deal with. He held me, so tightly, and didn't let go, after a while I could hear him whispering something so quietly he probably couldn't hear it himself.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

I pulled back but not too far in fear that I would break down again. I couldn't say anything back, I had no words after what just happened, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't know where it was going to go from here. Or if it was going to go anywhere. We stood there in silence until he spoke.

"Jess."

I looked up at him.

"I love you," he said.

I quickly placed my hand over his mouth to keep him from talking anymore. A tear slid down my face. His eyes spoke every single word I did not want to hear. 

"No," I mumbled quietly, tears falling slowly.

"No, take it back," I whimpered.

He removed my hand from his mouth and then tilted my head up with his other hand.

"Why..."

"Because... because I love you too and then I will want to stay but I..."

He pulled me in and kissed me. Both hands on the side of my face pulling me in. My hands fell to the bottom of his t-shirt, gripping onto it not wanting to let go. He held that kiss, it was slow and meaningful, a million feelings all at once. He eventually pulled back just far enough that our lips weren't touching and I pushed back in to kiss him, I didn't want him to say anything else. But he did, we slowly come apart just trying to be in the moment.

"Then stay," he said.

"But I can't"

"But you can," he stood back up straight, "you can come with us to our next show which is just a few hours away."

"I have to go home Harry, my Grandmother, she needs me and so does my brother, and I know I can't ask you to come because you will miss your show and that's ok."

"I know."

He looks down and then back up at me.

"But I'm going anyways."