"𝗪𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲𝘀" - 𝗞𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻

"Page 10"

🛸Song recommendation:
Polygraph eyes - Yungblud

The first time, he cried because it felt like a breakup all over again.
The second time, he cried because he couldn't stand the thought of Kenma being in pain the past years.
And the third it was out of relief, because at least now he didn't have to wonder anymore.

After his tears had dried out, Kuroo got up from his bed and sat down on his windowsill.
Just days ago he had been here with Kenma, losing themselves in the same blue of the sky.

"I should be glad to know the truth.", Kuroo tried to convince himself.
Then why was he so miserable? This felt worse than before.
Besides the pain there was the hot rage flooding trough his vains, burning his insides, the smoke making it impossible to see clearly.
He just couldn't grasp his own feelings.

There was a good chance Kenma really was still in love with him.
Just the thought of it made the butterflies come alive - before the suffocated in the smoke.
The truth and love.
These had been the only things he'd wanted the past weeks.
Now that he had them, it didn't feel as satisfying as expected.

Kuroo could sense the anger inside him trembling. How could Kenma keep such a secret? If he had told him back then, it would have been fine. They would have worked trough the illness together and when Kenma was healthy again, they could have been happily in love, just like before.

And now there were broken hearts, broken trust and years of guilt.

Of course he understood Kenma's way of thinking. He hadn't want to hurt him.
But the reality was: Kuroo had had a right to decide if to give up Kenma or volleyball.

It was him who should have chosen if he wanted to accompany Kenma on this difficult journey, possibly having to witness his death.

And Kuroo would have. No matter how much it would have torn him apart inside to watch Kenma getting weaker, he never would have left him alone in such a time.
Or ever, for that matter.

Instead, Kenma had taken the choice away from him, leaving them both heartbroken and alone.

Kuroo put his arms around himself, ignoring how cold his skin was already.
He had been sitting around for hours and his body felt stiff, his muscles tired of the tension while crying.

He wished he could just leave his body for a moment to get rid of all these emotions.

Kuroo needed to make up his mind now. What should he do next?
He was angry, he definitely was.
But he was also madly in love and the boy of his dreams had finally kissed him back.

Could he really do it again though? Put his trust in someone who hid something so significant from him?

Maybe.
If Kenma could somehow prove he loved him enough.
Because Kuroo didn't believe you could lie like that to a person you really liked.

He finally stood up and started walking around in his room.
A few days ago he had put up a single picture of him and Kenma, which they took while they were on a walk about a week ago.
On his desk still laid some unfinished poems.

For a moment Kuroo considered ripping them apart and throwing them away again.
He could destroy all memories, stay mad and get over Kenma now that he knew the truth.

At least he thought he could.
In reality, he probably would mourn the loss of his first boyfriend forver.

He left the pictures, turning away his gaze.

Again, so what now?
Kuroo would just wait.
He needed time to think and process all he had learned, to understand Kenma's choices and forgive him for it.
Because deep inside he knew sooner or later he would.

Kuroo let out a sigh, sitting down on the windowsill again. It had always been kind of his safe place.
From here he could also see Kenma's house and his mind immediately wandered off to think about him.

Was he disappointed? Sad? Guilty? Probably all. But was he crying, tears running down and hair getting all messy?
No, Kuroo didn't want to imagine that.

He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the window.
All he wanted was for them to be alright, together and happy.

He just didn't know if that was possible anymore.

Maybe his anger would go away, maybe he'd be willing to try again. Probably even.
But did Kenma still want him?
The other had pushed him away for a reason.

Holding himself back from crying again, he told himself the same thing over and over:
He had done his work these last weeks. He had brought them closer again, kissed him.

Now it was Kenma's turn.