ROSÉ -corpse husband-

BREAK (12)

WARNING: This chapter does mention self harm and suicide. Please protect yourself.

CORPSE / APRIL 2021: PRESENT
    Corpse was doing worse than he had ever been before.

    The last time his body had become paralyzed with chronic illness, he had 600k subscribers, and he only considered about 1000 of them to be dedicated, loyal, followers. Now, everything had multiplied into millions. Millions of subscribers, millions of followers, and millions of critics.

    Taking a break was significantly harder than he had ever expected, but his body forced him into it now. He ached, constantly in pain. His limbs were stiff, preventing him from doing the simplest of tasks.

The worst part was the world that was watching him, waiting for him to fail.

Corpse struggled with being a faceless internet personality. He had extreme self esteem issues, giving him immense anxiety and preventing him from being able to leave his own home.

The faceless thing made it so much easier to feel like he wasn't living in his own reality. Every part of his life was trapped behind a screen, and not one second of his time away from the screen was spent in a healthy way. Corpse hated himself for it.

The only part of his life that had been connected to his online persona and his real life issues was Eden. She had gone to the doctor appointments with him, seen his relationship with his mother crumble and build back up again, reminded him to text his little sister on her birthdays. She had watched him blow up online, and responded to emails for him about industry opportunities when his fingers were too tense to move. She had seen it from both sides.

So Corpse wasn't surprised when she was the one who showed up on his doorstep after he hadn't been active on social in nearly four days. Not even liking posts on twitter, he had forced himself to take a well deserved break. It made him anxious as hell, but for just a moment Corpse needed to catch up with himself.

He needed to attend his rescheduled appointments for once, and go grocery shopping for something more than bags of salad and frozen pre-cooked grilled chicken. He needed a boba tea, and a long drive in his new car, his underground rap music blasting through the speakers. For a moment, Corpse didn't want to be Corpse Husband anymore. He wanted to be a normal 23 year old guy in San Diego.

He lets her into his clean apartment. That was something else he had done for himself; a deep clean.

"Are you okay?" She was frantic, her voice sounding panicked, and Corpse felt a pang of guilt for leaving his friends in the dark.

At the least, he could've told them.

"Yeah, yeah," his voice was raspy, and somehow smooth, even after the screaming he had been doing in his room the past few days. "I'm sorry," he apologized, hoping he could say something that would prompt Eden to visibly relax. Her stress was stressing him out.

"Everyone is worried. You twitter... they're going fucking nuts," Eden sighed, pushing herself into his arms.

"I needed a break. It was nice," Corpse said, nearly whispering. He tried not to let his nerves spike about how much could be going on on the internet that he didn't know about. He was waiting for the day someone tried to cancel him.

"I'm happy for you," Eden said genuinely, glancing up at him. "But you did scare everyone a little bit. No one knows where you live."

"You do."

"Yeah, but I mean, like Rae. You usually talk to her at least twice a day. She got scared," Eden explained, and with the hint of something in her voice, Corpse realized how serious she was.

Corpse has never been the type to want to kill himself. Never. Yeah, he had self destructive tendencies, but in reality, Corpse didn't want to die. Not by his own hand.

He wanted to work hard, and prove everyone wrong. He wanted to show off how much he has done, for how young he is, and he had no shame in it.

He struggled with himself a lot, especially the way he looked, which explained the cuts across his cheeks and lips. But Corpse didn't do it to lie, he did it to remind himself he was real, and he could feel things.

That was something he easily forgot most of the time.

He had tried to, once. And it didn't work out, and he never tried again.

Corpse simply wasn't the type.

He squeezed Eden into his chest, "I'm sorry. I'll give her a call."

He kissed her head gently before releasing her.

"When are you going back online?" Eden asked.

"Soon. Don't know, really. Still down to play, just not in the mood to deal with it all," Corpse explained vaguely.

Eden nodded as if she understood. 

NOTE!!

just a lil something before a long chapter tomorrow
this was just for a little insight into corpseys brain

how are all of you? i've been on vacation so thats why i've been gone awhile!

missed you and love you all <3