Spark

Chapter 16: Wedding Cancelled and Pregnant

After the doctors at the hospital cleared me to go home I decided to go for a ride. "But it's just a few hours until your wedding." My mother says. "If marrying him means I have to deal with being in and out of the hospital, then I don't want to marry him at all. Maybe he should just be with Lucinda." "Pumpkin, surely you don't mean that." "I love him, Daddy. I love him with all of my heart, but I just need to let him go. It's for the best. I'm cancelling the wedding and that's final."

Little did they know that I packed all of my clothes and said goodbye to the dogs already. Luckily Eric wasn't at home and I was able to get away. I needed a break. I don't want to leave the country, but I don't want to stay in California. So, I'm heading east. "Honey, he's a wreck. He takes care of the dogs, who he by the way has to feed in front of the door because they wait on you to come home. He needs you. We all need you." "Mom, you guys will be fine. Eric will be fine, too." "No, he's already going insane. You have to stay." "I'm leaving mother and that's final. Tell everyone I said goodbye." "Sofia—"

I was gone. It was night time when I made it all the way Reno and I got gas and stayed at a motel for the night,  though I couldn't sleep. I didn't dare turn my phone on because I couldn't imagine how many missed calls, texts, voicemails. I didn't want to see it. It would make me want to go back. And that's not something I'm ready to do.

I couldn't help but think of the wedding. How he would've liked me in my dress, the lingerie that I picked out, the orchid bouquet. I began to cry because Lucinda is right. I am a child. You're a child if you let someone get to you this badly. Maybe listening to his voice one time wouldn't hurt. As I turn my phone on I see all the messages and calls blow up on my screen and I play his voicemail. He couldn't get the words out without crying. "I'm so, so, sorry, my love. Whatever you do. Don't give up on us. Please. She will never win my heart. It's all yours. Please come back and let's get married. Please." I cried so incredibly hard. I can't redo this day, but I can go back. I can go back and it'll all be better.

But I can't get myself to move. I stay in that spot in bed and I just sit there and let the tears fall. I want to call him, tell him I'm coming home. But as I got up the next morning to check out I just found myself driving further and further east.

I never got car sick before, but I pulled over and I began to throw up. I don't know what I was throwing up because I haven't eaten or drink anything. I decided to go to the nearest gas station to fill up the tank and get a bottle of water and a bag of chips. Maybe that's what's wrong. I needed something in my stomach.

But as I began to eat the chips they tasted rancid. They were salt and vinegar chips, but they tasted like something I can't really describe. I began to feel nauseous again and I feel like I was going to throw up again. I pulled over and I puked in the bag of chips and I wiped my mouth and took a sip of water. What the hell is wrong with me?

I decided I needed to see some type of doctor. I had a long ways to go to an emergency clinic. So, I kept driving and it was 3:00 in the afternoon by the time I got to the clinic. I pulled in and I puked. Now, for some odd reason I was craving a burger. A juicy burger with fries and a large chocolate shake. I walk in and I told them my name and the very bored worker just handed me a clipboard with a form on it and told me to fill it out.

I filled out the form. Since it was close to the end of the day I was the only one there and it didn't take them long to call me back. The doctor was a middle aged woman who gave me strange vibes. Lucinda vibes. She was cold, can tell she didn't like her job, and she was rubbing the hand that probably had a wedding band. I wonder who ruined the marriage, her or her husband?

"When was your last period? You left that blank." "Because I don't know when that was. I was supposed to have it two weeks ago, but it never came." "I want you to go into the bathroom down the hall with this cup and pee in it. Then bring it back sealed up, got it?" She was talking to me as if it was my first time pissing in a cup. I've done it before. That's how they found out when I was sixteen that I had a urinary tract infection.

I peed in the cup and I washed my hands after sealing it. I came back with the cup and the doctor stood up and said she would be back with the results. I should ask her where the closest restaurant is. I really want that burger. I waited almost an hour before the doctor came back. "Congratulations, your pregnant." She didn't sound to thrilled and I wanted to die. I have to go back home. "I can get you a number to an—" "No, no." I knew where she was going with this. "No, I'm okay. Thank you." "Figured you say that. There's a list of things that you can and can't eat or drink or activities you can't do while pregnant. Also, there's a list of medication that you can or can't take either. Good luck."

She leaves and I follow behind her. I drive back to California and the first place I go to isn't my parents or even Eric's. But to Justin and Zoe. It was late, but I repeatedly ring the doorbell and the door swung open with a zombified Justin holding Anakin. "Who—" His eyes widen when he sees me. "I'll get Zoe. Oh my God are you okay? Zoe!" "I'm fine. I think." "Hang on, we'll talk but Zoe would want to hear as well. Zoe!"

"For the love of all that is holy, Justin, I just pumped six bottles they're all in the—" Her eyes widen and she runs down to hug me. I hug her back. "Sofia. You have everyone worried. It's only been a day, but Eric...." She couldn't finish what she started. I looked at Justin and he took a deep breath. "Eric's in the hospital." "Is he okay, what happened?" "You left." Zoe said, "He couldn't take the fact that you were gone again and he tried to kill himself. They admitted him to Psychiatric Hospital of San Diego County. He just got in so he can't have contact with anyone for three days."

I put the love of my life in the psych ward. All I do is screw up. I wanted to puke, but apparently I can only puke when the baby tells me I can puke. The baby. He needs to know about the baby. "Zoe, Justin, he needs to come out. He needs to come out now. I'm pregnant." Justin puts Anakin in the playpen and he and Zoe come and hug me. I'm a monster. I don't deserve this baby, I don't deserve family, friends and most of all the will to live.