Broken Glass - Taekook

41

As Namjoon's voice finally falls silent in the room, we take a moment's pause. We clear up the remnants of our dinner, washing the utensils and returning them to their usual places. It gives us a chance to stretch our legs, refill our waterskins, and process some of the information we've already explored. As a part of this, I find myself wandering out into the street for a moment to stare out at the city of Mavathyr. The world feels different somehow, the lights muted from their usual brilliance at the realisation of the sheer complexity of the destiny the golden river set forth for us. 

It sounds weird to say, I know. We've always known this was going to be difficult in some way, shape or form. But hearing about the actual structure of the Karulian Knights, the diversity of creatures, the history of the place, I'm learning to see things a little differently. This entire experience, coming here and researching so much, seeing what my friends are truly capable of if they get a chance to show themselves. And they have so much more training to do, I'm sure. There's so much they can learn here. 

I know we'll never have the time, not right now, though. But we will have to come back. That's for certain. Maybe after the king is defeated, they can come back here and find out everything they need to. I don't know if the thought has ever crossed their minds, or whether they consider this city in the same way that I do. Maybe it's different for them, because they always knew about a lot of this stuff. 

I'm still trying to figure out who I am. 

When I return, I find that most of the others are still elsewhere, except for Namjoon, who's flipping through a small leather-bound book, the pages covered in elegant scrawling handwriting. He looks up at the sound of the door opening and closing, and offers a smile, shifting a little in his seat and beckoning me to join him near the fire. 

"Everything okay?" I ask quietly, and he nods. 
"Absolutely fine. I wanted to talk to you, about something, and now seems the best time for it. I don't want you to feel like you have to say something you don't agree with, and now is the perfect time to speak honestly." 

I frown in confusion, tilting my head at him. "Talk about what? Why would I hide what I'm truly feeling?" He just smiles, a knowing expression that somehow puts me at ease. 
"I don't think you would, but I don't like the idea of you feeling at pressure." He takes a deep breath, lets it out in a sigh as I find my seat once more. "But I also wanted to talk to you about this stuff, if I may." There's a pause, and then he runs a hand through his hair. "I've noticed, as the others have, that there is a new connection between you and Tae." 

My eyes widen, and he winces. "That's exactly what I was worried about. I don't want to scare you, Kook. I don't want you to think I'm having a go at you guys for anything. I just wanted to have an honest conversation with you. I don't want you to feel like I'm pissed off that you're an item. The truth is the exact opposite." 

I nod slightly, still feeling a little nervous despite that assurance. "When did you figure it out?" I ask quietly, and he smiles. 
"The night before we got here, I think it was? I acted like I didn't know, because I didn't want to scare you both. Tae is the kind of person who'll freak out if he realises I know before he's ready, and I don't want to push that on him. I don't want you to freak out either, please don't think that. It's just...he's my brother. He's one of my best friends. I always told myself that if he ever fell in love I would want to know about the person he fell for. And that person appears to be you. So...I wanted to talk to you." 

"That makes sense," I respond, "and don't worry, I understand." I pause, and then I frown, a little, to myself. "Well, I think I do. I don't really know anything about myself, so for all I know I could have a brother. I might, I might not. I have no way of knowing. But I get what you're saying, that's what I mean."